Would you stop the father seeing his child if he paid no maintenance?

Question

I'm not sure what 2 do I can't get my son's father to contribute financially 2 our child. We live apart and as he's not a british citizen I have no legal rights with the CSA here, Why would he not want to help out? I can cope without him I just think its sad my son might loose out (for what he is worth!) I just don't see why I should pay 4 everything and he just takes. Any ideas?

Answer 1

In my experience of NO maintenace at all in 5 years I would advise that the child should make up their own mind, otherwise they will resent you for taking that choice away from them.
Mine are older now and see their father for what he is.
The only thing that would worry me in your case is if he tried to leave the country with the child so make provisions of supervised visits if possible.
Good Luck!!

Answer 2

i,m a father in a very similar predicament as you and it,s good to hear you actually think about the child in this. i,v being paying maintenance for a year now where in fact id of paid a lot more if i had the opportunity to spend it on my children directly as i,v done on the previous few times iv had any access to them see it,s supposed to be a just and equal system but I'm sure you no the second the Cort gets hold of it it becomes 95 to 5 against the father yous get asked how long do you want to give him like its guilty till proved innocent and where i don,t condone not supporting your children.
the system is the insult of two hours a week to the injury of watching them drive away for another week you,v paid the Ransom for i really cant stress enough (don't) the child is a child for precious little time and then they'll get what they see as there owed from who they see as it, i,v seen my children maby a weeks worth of hours over the past year and in the past eight no Christmases no birthdays because she converted the Cort's in my opinion are only interested in there policies and there changing far to slow avoid the pain of it and deal with him

Answer 3

I would stop the father of your child seeing his son, because it takes two and his should be responsible enough to contribute to his child's upbringing. Raising a child by yourself is hard, and you shouldn't have to do everything, but as his father is refusing to help you then he shouldn't be allowed to see his son, I know that sounds harsh but...He obviously doesn't care about his son because if he did he would try to help you out, even if he were to give you £10 at least it would show willing.

At least your son has a good mother that will care for him, also it could be worth a visit to the Citizen's Advice Bureau to see if they could offer you any advice about what you could do

Answer 4

I'm afraid it seems to be a no-win situtation for you at the moment.

It could be his way of punishing you, or trying to control your life by denying you financial assistance.

If you respond by, say, stopping him from seeing your son, then your son will lose out, and won't thank you in the future. If his father's an idiot, its best for him to find out himself, rather than you point it out to him.

At the moment, in your son's eyes his father can't do no wrong, and your son will resent you/give you grief if you try to force the issue.

The next time your son asks for something, you could suggest to him (if you want) to ask his father for it ...

Its good that you can cope without the father's help, long may it continue. Too many women are struggling because of the lack of help of their exes.

Its a case of rising above it, and hoping that your ex will eventually come around.

Answer 5

To stop a child seeing their father (assuming he is a good one) because he pays no money isnt what i would do

Its hard but at the same time your son is getting the benifit of having 2 caring and loving parents and that has to be worth more than money can buy

Answer 6

I am sorry, the financial aspect should not keep you from letting the child see his other parent. The children need their parents no matter what. Say you loved both of your parent dearly and your mother insisted keeping you from your father because of money issues. How would that make you feel? Now how do you think that would make your child feel if mom kept him/her away from their dad? A child shouldn't be used as a coarse of action for not receiving money. Like using the child as a pawn.

Answer 7

It's not fair that he isn't helping out financially. But, you must put your child first. He needs the time wih his father. Boys identify with their fathers. I know, because I have three grown sons. It is only natural that your son loves his father. Just because you lost the love you once had for his father doesn't mean he has or should. I know it's hard. Best wishes.

Answer 8

This is a very hard question to answer I know how you are feeling but your son has done nothing wrong and if he wants to see his dad you should not stop him. Please do not put your feelings into the child your son will thank you for it when he gets older. If you react by stopping him seeing his dad it could screw him up for life.
Benodicit you sound a great dad your kids must love you well done.

Answer 9

As a Father I would advise from stopping him from seeing him as the child will feel the pressure, I know it's hard to do it alone but as long as you can cope what the hell keep going on with your life, But I would advise you to see a solicitor and see what legal rights you have.

Best of Luck

Answer 10

then if he cant help to support the child he is not doing his rite as a father so don't treat him as his father keep the child away from him if he loved that child then there would be no question of paying towards is up keep so tell the father to go and run i would