2006-11-12 07:46:54 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
There was a lady taking a shower and the doorbell rang. She looked out the window. It was a couple. She put on her bathrobe and opened the door. "Aren't you going to congratulate us? We just had a baby!" The lady said congrats and started showering again when the doorbell rang. She looked out the window. It was a race-car driver. She put on her bathrobe and went out. "Aren't you going to congratulate me? I just won a race!" The lady said congrats and went back inside to finish her shower. Five minutes later the doorbell rang again! It was the blind man. This time the lady didn't put on her bathrobe and opened the door. "Aren't you going to congratulate me?" the blind man said. "I can see again!!!"
Three men were out in the middle of the ocean. One was Chinese, one was American, and one was Spanish. The Chinese man said, "I have too much of these in my country!" as he threw into the ocean bags of rice. The Spanish man said, "I have too much of these in my country!" as he threw down some tamales. The American didn't have anything but said, "I have too much of these in my country!" and he threw down the Spanish man.
2006-11-12 07:58:01 · answer #1 · answered by a 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A guy walks into a bar with a monkey. The guy orders a beer and the monkey starts jumping around throwing thing. He then jumps on the pool table and eats the Cue ball. The bartenter says "your monkey is making a mess and he just ate the cue ball" the says he is very sorry he will pay for all the damages, does so then leaves.
The next day the same man comes in with the monkey again sits down orders a beer & pays for it. The monkey once again starts jumping around throwing things. Then he picks up a beer nut puts it up his butt and eats it. He jumps around some more picks up a cherry puts it up his butt then eats it. The bartender says "your monkey is making a mess again" the man once again says "i'm very sorry I will pay for any damages" The bartender then asks why the monkey puts stuff up his butt before he eats it, he didn't do that yesterday. the man replies "well after having to crap out that cue ball, he measures everything before he eats it now..."
2006-11-12 07:54:30 · answer #2 · answered by Troy D 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
what goes pink black pink black pink black white a black man wanking
what do you call 10 alkida members in a van going off a cliff a wast youd fit 6 more on the roof
a guy walks into a bar 50 storys up on a skyscraper orders a pint and sits beside someone then the guy he,s sitting beside gets up walks to the window and jumps the guys dumb struck but before he can say a word the elivator opens and the jumper walks in gets another pint and sits beside him what was that how are you alive the first man askes o he answers the loo is 14 storys down you drop out the window and the wind pushes you in the loo windo saves the elavator time great idea he sais finnishes his pint and drops out the window the barman hands the secconed guy his pint and says superman your a scumbag with drink on yea
2006-11-15 11:22:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hubby - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Wife - When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. Hubby - You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Wife - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
2006-11-12 07:52:05 · answer #4 · answered by Nicky93 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The lone ranger and Tonto ride up to a saloon and the Lone Ranger has Tonto run circles around his horse to cool it off while he goes into the bar. A guy come into the bar and asks him if that is his white horse outside. The Lone Ranger says yes, why? The guy says you left your Injun running.
2006-11-12 07:57:54 · answer #5 · answered by Patti M 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
A woman has a fanny tuck and whilst lying on her bed after the operation the lucky lady receives 3 lovely bouquets of flowers! The first is from her doting hubby, the second from her work colleagues and the third is from Eric from the burns unit to say thanks for his new ears!!
2006-11-12 07:52:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
You're the bus driver, 3 people get on at the first stop, 1 person gets off and 4 people get on at your second stop,at your last stop, 2 people get off and 3people get on.
Now, what's the name of the bus driver?
You are, I said that you the bus driver.
2006-11-12 08:00:55 · answer #7 · answered by kb9kbu 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
a blonde girl walks into a hair salon listening to a ipod. the hairdresser says," please take ur ipod off, mam." The girl says," i need it to live." The blonde and hairdresser continue arguing until the hairdresser gets so angry she throws the ipod out the window. A few minutes later the blonde dies.
Being curious, the hairdresser walks outside and puts the ipods headphones in her ears. She hears the ipod saying," breathe in, breathe out. breathe in, breathe out."
2006-11-12 08:16:30 · answer #8 · answered by Tallie 1 · 2⤊ 2⤋
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
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Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.
When did you first notice this problem?
What problem?
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What is defference between man and Superman?
Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.
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How do you know if your a red neck?
You go to the family reunon to find a date!
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Yo mamma so stupid, she tried to commit suicide by jumping out her basement window.
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Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.
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Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to a party?
Becase he was a party pooper.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
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What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
No? Good!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Yo mama's so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs.
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Yo mama's so fat, when she fell in love she broke it.
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How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
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How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
None. The invisible hand does it.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.
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Have you ever noticed... anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac.
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You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
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I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have experience pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
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I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
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I have a great diet. You are allowed to eat anything you want. But you must eat it with naked fat people.
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Why don't oysters give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
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What can you do in radiation-contaminated rivers?
Nuclear fission.
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Why did the jazz musician like the wooden board?
Because it had a nice groove in it!
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How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.
2006-11-12 12:29:22 · answer #9 · answered by anne 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
a meat pie goes into a bar and asks for a pint of lager, the landlord replies sorry we don't serve food.
2006-11-12 11:59:36 · answer #10 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋