Should I move from the town where my ex wife and kids live?

Question

I have fallen in love with the love of my life but she lives 65 miles away. We have decided to move in together but she can't move here. If I move away, I will no longer be able to have my kids half of the time (they are 16, 14 and 11), but will see them at weekends and other times. If I don't move I don't think our relationship will survive as we are too far apart and it now needs to move to the next stage. We have been seeing each other over the distance for 14 months. What do you think? Anyone have any experiences of this?

Thanks for the answers so far. I should add that my wife left me for someone else 2 and a half years ago, and I have put my kids first by staying in the same town and having them half of the time, and NEVER slagging my ex off to them. I was really looking for someone who has experienced something similar rather than people coming in on their high horses with views on what I "should " do (no disrespect intended). Has anyone out there been through this and how did they resolve it? Any regrets?

Thanks everyone for your responses so far

Answer 1

Can you move to a point equally distant to her (old) home and your children?

You'll both be in the same position (ie starting afresh in a different county).

You need to keep in regular contact with your children (for their emotional well-being, etc) but in a few years they will have all grown up and left home.

Equally, you shouldn't miss out on a great love. They happen to rarely to miss out on.

Both of you need to make compromises.

Answer 2

If I were you I'd want to be able to see my kids as often as possible. I realise that you love your girlfriend, but you don't want your kids to think that you put your girlfriend above them. Is there any chance that your girlfriend could move a bit closer? Another thing that you could do is sit your kids down and tell them that you are thinking about moving and this would mean that they wouldn't see you as often and see what their reaction to this, guaranteed they will not be happy.But at the end of day as hard as it is it's a decision that only you can make

Answer 3

you have to think of your self for once in your life if you have found someone that makes you happy then talk to your kids and tell them that you are going away but not to far that they can come and spend time with you in the holiday they are not young kids they will be able to get on a train or coach to come and see you in a few years time they will have there lives and will wont to do there own thing they are like little birds they fly away from the nest you cant live your life for your kids you have your own happiness to think about but you must let the kids now that you are always at the end of the fone if they need you good luck in what ever you chose to do but if there is a life for you an a bit of happiness grab it before you lose it who knows they might wont to come and live with you what would your lady friend think of that ask her and see what her reply would be why dont you go up and stay with her for a few weeks to see how it goes keep your house going or rent it out for six months go up and take it from there you may not be able to cope away from your kids and if it dont work out you always have somewhere to come back to but you cant live all your life for your kids they may not like it but they have to know that they cant have everthing in life that they wont you have your life to but that wont stop you loveing them tell them im sure they will understand tell them that they can come up and stay with you every other weekend

Answer 4

I can see the temptation for you to move in with the love of your life, but once you get settled there, then the guilt will cripple you and you will miss your kids so much. This lady could move to be with you then everyone would be happy. She may make demands on you to spend more time with her then you will be piggy in the middle. Hope you can work it out to suit you and your kids that is all that matters..

Answer 5

Yes, and you just have to do what is right for you. While it's a long drive, you can go get the kids on weekends. Or, you can put the kids first, and drive to see your girlfriend. I can't tell you which is best for you; only you can answer that question!

Answer 6

You made a commitment by bringing Your Children into this world long before You seperated from Your wife, divorced, and met this woman. You can never get that time back with Your Children. Watching their games, programs, and so on. That is precious time. I really feel like a caring woman would want You to be close to Your Children. Best Wishes

Answer 7

hi good fulfillment its thoroughly as much as you. i would not enable him settle on for 2 with out delay months yet possibly 2 weeks with you and 2 weeks with him and 2 weeks back with him if its accessible. possibly get a meeting spot 3 hundred miles for the two to return and forth. in basic terms make it as straightforward as accessible on your son to appreciate. until you grownup adult males are going to fly him back and forth, yet i ought to not be removed from my son for 2 months 3 weeks (he's 5) grew to become into long sufficient. good fulfillment!!

Answer 8

yes before long she maybe wanting more of your time and you may spend less time with your family. At the end of the day, your kids are your kids, she can move near you carn,t she, but if you continue to see them it might be okay.

Answer 9

Who is more important to you - your kids or girlfriend? If you say your children - I hope you do - the love of your life, as you say, should understand that and she should move. That's my take.

Answer 10

Why do some men need persuaded to put their kids first?!?!