I just found a letter my stepdaughter wrote to a teacher, saying she can't "trust anyone" and doesn't "have anyone to talk to". (I don't make it a habit of snooping, this was open on her desk) We, my husband and I, always encourage her to talk to us (her mom included) and to never be afraid to tell us anything, that we will work out whatever the problem is, etc. We aren't a yelling, screaming type of family, why does she feel she can't talk to us? We try to be very open with her all the time.
2006-11-12 07:04:06 · 12 answers · asked by MJ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
MJ, I think you've just been tested and failed. If the note was on her desk, I assume her desk is in her room which should be the one place where she should be able to leave personal writings without fear of having them read by others.
That isn't to say that parents shouldn't be vigilant especially with problem children that may be engaging in self-destructive behavior and need to occasionally read confidential materials. However, if her behavior is not suspect then she should be given the same privacy you expect with your personal belongings. You didn't mention how old she is but I am assuming if she is focusing on trust issues that she is at least a teenager.
Why not open up a dialog on the subject of trust and find out, without revealing you read her note, why it is she feels she can't trust the parent figures in her life. During the conversations you can reiterate that trust is a two-way street and how important trust is in a healthy relationship.
2006-11-12 07:36:44 · answer #1 · answered by silver2sea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to say without any background info here, but if she is like most kids from a "broken" family, their needs are not taken care of with the urgency they feel they need.
It is natural, one is trying to rebuild their life, move out, adjust to the seperation, that the kids, because they are not as vocal or the leaders of the pack, get dragged around, put here, taken there and have no say in what goes on.
This harbors resentment if not dealt with. And if she feels she is not being heard, or at best she is being heard but nothing is done to make her feel she has some power over what has happened in her life because of her parent's split, and the new wife or hubby (with or without half or step bros and sisters) moving in and the rest of her world gone topsey turvey.
Once she hits adolescense (doler=pain) all this bubble pops and it comes oozing out.
Plenty of time spent nurturing her, listening to her, makng her a part of the family decisions now, is a good place to regain her trust in all of you.
love is the answer...
2006-11-12 15:12:00 · answer #2 · answered by dansza 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it just seems your too busy for a chat and would rather get on with cooking the tea or something. If you feel you can't talk 2 her face to face then write her a letter, because it sounds like she likes to write letters instead, with a chocolate bar attached (always good for sad people!). Tell her your not interested in judging her and just want to know if there is anything you can do for her, but dont push it too much. pretend you dont know about the letter and just say you noticed, it might make her feel better.
2006-11-12 15:37:54 · answer #3 · answered by Zoe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a step-mom and step-dad, but I don't talk a lot to them about my problems. I like to talk to my real parents about my problems, not that the step-mom and step-dad are any different just because I'm more connected to them.
2006-11-12 15:22:11 · answer #4 · answered by Aaron 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she has a "thing" for the teacher...better investigate further, tell her you saw the letter then go from there once the fireworks stop!
2006-11-12 15:08:11 · answer #5 · answered by red9 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if she doesnt trust you and your snooping around that may be an issue, im a teenager and from my point of view we all feel our parents dont trust us, and of course thats a parents job there suppose to look out for us, and its nice to hear that your concerned. about this note you found, mabey it was left out for you to find, because even though teenagers want to talk to their parents about their issues its not as easy as you think to talk to them, i find it difficult to talk to my parents about issues i have, you just have to get her comfortable, and dont wait until she is ready to tell you but dont egg her to tell you. just have a sit down talk with one parent, possibly her mother because girls have an easier time talking with their moms than dads.
2006-11-12 16:10:53 · answer #6 · answered by Kia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
perhaps the letter is to test your trust, to see if you would read her stuff. as a teen I would leave letters and stuff to see if anyone did anything with it. I think this is a teen thing,and you would be breaking her trust by reading the letter
2006-11-12 15:09:35 · answer #7 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the teenage years; and it will get worse before it gets better. Teenagers always seem to believe that parents just won't understand. Be patient, it will get better, but it will be a couple of years before that happens. I'm no very glad that all of my children are adults now!
2006-11-12 15:08:47 · answer #8 · answered by grandm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ia m quite sure its not your fault!she is going through a phase
even maybe she wants her teacher to pay special attention to her
talk to her,show intrest in the things that intrest her
but NEVER give her the impression that you want to control her life
2006-11-12 15:12:34 · answer #9 · answered by girl24gr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
somewhere at some point in her life shes confided in someone whos let her down , maybe she needs her self esteem built back up?
2006-11-12 15:07:50 · answer #10 · answered by sissy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋