my mum put me in foster care when i was 13 because we dident get along ect i now talk to her and vist she also looks after my son on tuesdays when i am at work but my foster carer is saying i am a bad mum for letting my child be with my real mum but i know my mum loves him and he is happy everytime i come home he wouldent be like that if she was emotinaly abousing him would he? but i am really upset by my foster mum saying this she also said that my son would be ****** up in the head like me when he is older which i dont think he will i love and care for my son and know my mum has turned her life around and i wouldent let anyone hurt my child i would kill them if they even tried can anyone give me some advice and please dont take the piss because my spelling isent perfect
2006-11-12 05:50:52 · 13 answers · asked by panga 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
i was voultary fosterd i think they are jelouse and now they keep saying how i used them and i feel guiltey because they dident get any money for taking care of me and they keep chucking that back in my face also my foster mum never wanted my son to be born in the first place be i wasent willing to give him up
2006-11-12 05:58:28 · update #1
my little boy is 14 months is is my life
2006-11-12 06:00:13 · update #2
Eeek! I'm sorry your foster mom is like that. I think it's very wrong of her to be this way. She needs to get over it! Your real mother will always be your Mom, nothing will change that. I don't understand why your foster Mom is so jealous... was she raising you just to try to get money? Seems like that is all she is about. She should be happy for you and loving. I just don't think she's going about this the right way, and I don't think it is doing anything good for the relationship between the two of you- not sure if she's always been that way, or just when you and your real mom made up, but no matter what, she should love you unconditionally.
I would continue the relationship with your real Mom, and if you don't mind your son staying with her on Tuesdays, then let him. Your son won't be messed up from her, but he might get a little messed up from your foster mom acting that way. I'd sit down with her and talk to her- let her know how you feel, and tell her you are his mother, and you get to make the decisions for him. You are NOT a bad mother- and I'm sure you learned from your Mom's mistakes not to be like that with your baby. My mom messed with me emotionally... I could have turned into a bad person, but I chose not to, to learn from it all, and I always say I will never act that way with my children- I have a 13 month old son who is extremely happy, and he's such a blessing to me. So cherish your son, and give him all the love you can. I know my mom has changed a little- not completely, but a little for the better... and I do let my son stay with her... she's really good with him.
Go talk to your foster Mom. Tell her to cut the jealousy, and to stop making you feel bad for not getting any money-because when you take in another child, it should be about love- wanting to give all the love you can to someone in need. If you can't do that, then you shouldn't adopt.
Goodluck, and do what you feel in your heart is the best.
2006-11-12 06:44:02 · answer #1 · answered by m930 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know any people that are perfect. I do know you can not give something to someone else you do not have. Perhaps you and your real mom did not get along because she lacked stability or love herself and so back when you were a child she was not capable of giving it. Now after hindsight and time she may be more mature and realizes the importance of these close relationships and wants to help you and try to make some amends for past errors. As for your foster mom sounds like jealousy and she feels you disrespect her due to circumstances. You however, must do what you feel is in your child's/ best interest be that what it may. No two people are exactly the same. Good Luck
2006-11-12 06:28:28 · answer #2 · answered by Sage 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You poor thing! WHat a posotion to be in. Sounds like your foster mum has some serious baggage to deal with. I don't see her problem really. If you are happy that your son is 100% safe and happy with your Mum then your foster mum will just have to grin and bear it. I think that it is great you and your mum are trying again after such a big break up in your relationship. Could your foster mum be jealous of your mum - does she want to be grandma to your son? As long as there are no reasons your son would be put in harms way being in your mums care (good that she has sorted her life out - whatever her problems were) then it is your decision. Children should know their grandparents if it is at all possible.
2006-11-12 06:07:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother was very wrong to put you in foster care because you and her did not get along. It is very big of you to allow her the pleasure of being a grandparent when she was not a good mother. It is nice that you have that kind of forgiveness, but beware of the possibility that she is fine with your son now that he is a baby but will toss him aside as he gets to his teenage years and she is unable to cope. Make sure she has truely changed her ways. As for the foster parents, maybe they feel a bit of jealousy or possibly they do not understand why a bad mother should get another chance with no consequences after they have raised you all this time. Group counseling for all of you would be a good idea. The baby is the first to be considered in this matter. Counseling might help all of you sort things out and put aside your differences. Good luck!
2006-11-12 05:58:27 · answer #4 · answered by xovenusxo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say your mom put you in foster care because you didn't get along. Sounds like maybe both of you were differant people than you are now. The truth is, she is your mom, and you are the mom of your child. You sound pretty solid to me, and trying to make a good life for your child. It doesn't matter what your foster care person thinks, you have to do what is right for you. If you and your mom have come to a place of forgiveness and acceptance for what was, thats what matters.
2006-11-12 06:00:25 · answer #5 · answered by Renae 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-29 01:53:44 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are messed up, it's because you were separated from your mother. Your son is not experiencing that, so he won't turn out the same as you.
It sounds as though your mother is another caregiver, like daycare and your foster mom. Nothing wrong with that if your mother is okay. Plus, I think it's an excellent idea for your son to know his real grandmother.
2006-11-12 05:55:38 · answer #7 · answered by phaig93 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok firstly your son needs to be your number 1 priority.. obviously you are haivng problems with him or you wouldnt have posted about him earlier...sadly a person cannot pick what family they are born into and more have problems than do not
(I was oldest of 4 born into a family that loved babies far more than older kids.. I hate babies now)
any good for your mom for trying to help you.. I think your foster mom is jealous becuase she may feel like she helped you when you needed it (and its true she did) and is worried that you will love your biological mom more...even though she failed you in some ways...
as far as your son being messed up in the head when he is older.. who of us isnt???
now about spelling.. mine usually sucks too.. but I make an effort to be correct and use propber works like "know" vs "no".. if you try to apply yourself it will help your son more when he is older...
good luck with your son - are you living with your foster mom or on your own?? becuase if you are living with somebody you have to live by their rules.. I get the feeling you are not married and with the father.. I am sure this concerns her deeply because we all know that families who are more stable have better success rates - that is why she wanted you to give the baby up...she is concerned about him too - remember that... good luck
2006-11-12 06:54:58 · answer #8 · answered by CF_ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sorry about your past and im glad you are turning your life around, i dont know your real moms past. your foster care my just be concerned, having said that i would hide a voice activated recorder in the house or a small camera and hide in the house u can buy them on spy sites on the web. this would just be to see how your real mom is doing with the child thats my opinion.if your mom has changed and u love your child they deserve to have that bond good luck, you love and care for your son your on the right track good for u..
2006-11-12 06:01:52 · answer #9 · answered by tigger 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like your foster mom is insecure and is afraid that with your real mom in the picture, you will no longer need her. As long as your real mom is is a caring grandmother and you are comfortable with it, I don't see a problem. You just need to reassure your foster mom that you appreciate everything she has done and you will continue to need her in the future. Good luck!
2006-11-12 05:56:47 · answer #10 · answered by jadedgirl149 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋