I am 28 yrs old and the only girl of 2 brothers. I have always felt that my dad was alot harder on me than my brothers. He is constantly belittling me and hurting my feelings. We have a twisted pattern where we get along for about a month and then he finds something to pick at me about and then I speak my mind and we won't talk for a week b/c he's mad. He treats my mom the same way- only, she puts up with it to keep the peace. I just want a good relationship with him but he makes it SO hard :( I am torn and at my end's witt. I have even contemplated cutting him out of my life for good b/c he brings nothing but grief into my life for the most part. I feel he enjoys people walking on egg shells around him. I have tried to talk to him but it does no good...what do I do??
:(
p.s. please only respond if you have thoughtful insight, this isnt a joke...
2006-11-12 05:34:44 · 14 answers · asked by Gucci Girlie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
it seems he enjoys woman walking on egg shells -- he not treating your brothers the same way. sounds like mom made him get away with this for years. i doubt very much he'll change his ways. but you can, you're 28 years old and mature enough to understand where he is coming from - don't let him have the chance to hurt your feelings - the first second you feel he's turning into this nasty person, just say dad - i just grew up and i'm not going to let you do this to me any more. so either you knock it off or i'm leaving the room and you can find someone else to pick on - because it's not going to be ME any longer. then just leave him alone to think about this. if you do it often enough to him, he JUST may wake up. if he doesn't, you just keep walking out of the room -- but don't walk out of his life. i'm sure there is love for you in him, he just doesn't know how to treat it. so if he can't be the grown up it has to be up to you. don't let him push those buttons that bring the grief - just look at it - like i knew he would do that and laugh (don't cry). good luck.
2006-11-12 05:56:06 · answer #1 · answered by try 2 help 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel as if i have the same relationship with my father. Seeing as he is my father i continue the relationship. I think you should do the same. If he's to mentally abusive seeing as i dont know the whole story, i recommend you dont spend time around him. Just keep somewhat of a telephone relationship. I think your father has a problem with women in general that are close to him. At least thats the way it seems to me. I'm sure your father still loves you he just has a hard time at showing it to the women he is closest to in his life. I suggest just trying to keep conversations light and about little minut things rather than more serouse conversations and someday when your in the part of your relationship were your getting along tell him you want to have a serouse talk. Then explain to him what is going on and how you feel about it. Tell him what he's been leading you to think. Maybe it'll hit him hard enough that he'll try to understand and change a little bit at least. I hope this helps out in some way. Good luck. And i wish all the best for you!
2006-11-12 05:41:12 · answer #2 · answered by armesia_combs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well like i just told someone else there isnt anyone on here that can really tell you what to do. i can try to give you advice. i was raised the youngest in a family of nine kids. i was treated like crap all my life by the majority of my siblings.
i believe that once i was born my parents really didnt want anymore kids. its a hurtful truth that to this day i still have a problem dealing with. my father is a sweetheart to me but i know my siblings have treated me like i was crap for years and yesr, but i have also learned that this is just how they are and that there is nothing that i can do about it,.
i am getting married december 2 and i have a sweet little boy i am happy and thats all that matters,
just live your life and if he really is that bad ... who cares what he thinks about your life .
im sorry i couldnt be more insightful. i have to go offline now. but this really was a great question and i hope you get the answers that will help you
please have a great day - good luck
kristy
2006-11-12 07:13:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your Dad has some serious, probably lifelong, skewed concepts of how to deal with women. Perhaps his father was verbally abusive to the females in his family?
Regardless, you've tried talking to him alone about the problem and maybe it is time to bring in some reinforcements. Find yourself a good family therapist and start getting some counseling for yourself on how to deal with Dad's verbal abuse. At some time I suspect the therapist will suggest Dad come in for joint sessions. If he doesn't, instead of cutting him out of your life, maybe limiting your contact to a couple of times a year will help you to cope with his abusiveness. Believe in yourself and your power from within to make yourself happy. While validation of our parents is always nice, it isn't absolutely necessary to become a well rounded, happy individual.
Good luck to you, I hope you get the relationship you're looking for with Dad.
2006-11-12 05:52:31 · answer #4 · answered by silver2sea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't change him. He sounds like a jerk and the best thing you can do for your own sanity is to stay away from him. If you want to go to family gathering stay away from him, another idea might be to get up and walk out the MINUTE he makes a rude comment to you or your mother. Let him know his behavior will not be tolerated. He becomes the looser in all this.
2006-11-12 05:39:14 · answer #5 · answered by Jim V 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is sad... im sorry! Have you tried asking him what he has against you?? I struggle with my father also, but in a different way. Its a hard road but do not cut him out of your life.Sow love and you will reap love. It sounds as though he has some deep issues that he needs to resolve but takes it out on others. Just be strong and maybe continue a limited relationship with him, but do not cut him out of your life... I feel your pain....
2006-11-12 06:05:07 · answer #6 · answered by lachocolatreine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you want to settle on what you want for your existence and what's better for your toddler. ask your self the genuine questions about who is going to help this toddler financially and emotionally. Are there grandparents contained in the image? Does the daddy have an interest in being a father to the youngster? in case you want this guy, that is easily worth thinking getting mutually for the sake of the youngster. solid success in making the right judgements for you and your toddler.
2016-11-29 01:53:18 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if he is your dad doesnt mean you have to put up with the torture and pain that you're getting....in the end it is only yourself that you can rely on, so letting it go is ok, I mean why would you dwell in pain when you can get out and enjoy life on your own, or with your remaining family (brother and mom).
Let it go if you can afford to.
2006-11-12 05:41:30 · answer #8 · answered by Keepingmycool 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my grandfather and i are the same way i have learn to just tune him out not put up with it just simply see it as yes i hear you but it doesn't affect me in anyway .........it sounds crazy but it works he talks i i act like I'm listening but really I'm thinking about what i am going to do next weekend .............if he gets mad i ask hI'm why if he says im not listening i let him know that i don't need to be criticized by my family members and we are of the same blood so what ever he says its on to him because i am hear because of him ..........then he says sorry and in a few days hes at it again that is just the way these kind of people are .........best thing to do is know who you are love your self and don't believe in anything bad that he might say to you ..............don't show him that you are afraid of what he might say that feeds there ego......and they love that the sooner you show no fear the sooner they go attack some one else and leave you alone .................good luck
2006-11-12 05:48:24 · answer #9 · answered by mari 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its a power thing, last time my father belittled me i didnt speek to him in two years now he only talks to me because of my daughter. speak your mind, if he doesnt like to bad for him, maybe he will realize that belittling you doesnt give him the satisfaction anymore if you dont respond the usual way. doesnt mean you love him any less just means you can hold your on and not be pushed around.
2006-11-12 05:41:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋