Don't really want to get into the details but pretty much I have been in a relationship (26 years old and thought he loved me...I haven't learned yet for some reason) anyway, the only thing I need advise on is what do you do when you have been hurt so badly and you cant protect or heal your heart becaus someone else has it.....and won't give it back. He wont respond to my calls, messages, anything. He knows that he did something wrong and doesn't want to face talking to me about it, and I understand that even though it is very childish....who likes confrontation??? I think that's what has me at a point where I can't let go...because I feel for some reason that I can't until he tells me he wants me to..... In a nutshell, I wan't to feel like I don't give a damn....when I say I don't give a damn. How do I...or what do I do, or not do.....to let go of this. I want my heart back so badly, even though it's broken like never before, I wan't it back...I didn't give it to him to hurt.
2006-11-12 05:06:18 · 24 answers · asked by Miracle 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thanks so much everyone, I mean that....You are all right...I'm dealing with alot, lost my daughter last year and just get so caught up in sadness.. I was really given a second chance at life after recovering from a really bad drug addiction. I guess I believe in people really easily. I do want this to make me a better person....I don't want it to make me a bitter person though. I can't tell you how much it helped reading all of your answers, thank you. I think sometimes you just need to have people to reinforce what's true. I will promise you that one day, maybe next week, maybe a year from now...he will get back to me....and I don't know what I should respond with. I know thats thinking way far ahead, but I don't know what I would say if he contacted me tomorrow, I'm scared I wouldn't be strong enough to say the right thing, I tend to be too vulnerable at times. Seems like when you are trustworthy..you expect everyone to be trustworthy, lessons learned, just wanna smile again
2006-11-12 05:44:58 · update #1
Remember, people are ALWAYS communicating with you, even if it is non-verbal. Right now he's saying that the pain of confrontation and admitting his bad behavior is more painful than trying to repair your relationship. You have offered to try to repair it through your attempts to contact him. Now it's time to let it go. Big talker, right? I didn't say it was going to be easy, or pain-free, it just has to be done for your own sake. And believe me, you don't want to feel like you don't give a damn, that would be denying your feelings, your trust in your relationship, and your broken heart. I'm going to tell you to do something that is going to sound dorky, but I really want you to try it (what do you have to lose?) Write him a letter. Say everything you want to say about how you feel, how hurt you are, how angry you are, call him names. End the letter by saying goodbye and saying how much you will miss the relationship you had. You will never send this letter. After you've written it, read it once, then rip it up and throw it away. I promise you this will help. You will still hurt, but please do this and you will feel better. You need closure, and since he's not giving it to you, give it to yourself. Let me know how it goes.
2006-11-12 05:32:53 · answer #1 · answered by Caper 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh hun~ I know your heart hurts...I can't tell you exactly how to fix it, but I hope I can help a little. First...if he's the right one you are supposed to commit to forever, he will come back. You have to truly let him go....if he comes back...and comes back a better man, you will know you can share your life with him.
He has hurt you, and depending on how much you love him it can take a really long time before it heals...sometimes the ache never quite goes away...but what does change is that YOU grow stronger...you become a better person...more empathetic to others...and more aware that you can do ANYTHING on your own.
Being hurt like this can do two things...it can scare you away from other relationships...
OR...if can teach you to love the RIGHT person with ALL your heart and soul and to never cause another person the kind of pain that this man has caused you.
You WILL get thru this, but you have to let him go...that means NO phonecalls...NO emails...Nothing. You will never heal, feel better, or be able to love again until you decide to love YOURSELF, and move on.
Right here and now...when you're done reading this...I want you to promise yourself something better. Something, and someone better than him.
God bless.
BabyChic
2006-11-12 05:23:45 · answer #2 · answered by Shakira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TOTALLY know where you're coming from, as I've been in this situation myself not very long ago.
Honestly, if he's not responding to you wanting to talk to him, he's pretty much telling you off. I know it's hard to accept, but it's the truth. He's totally giving you the cold shoulder in hopes that you'll just pick up on the hint and leave him alone.
He can't keep your heart unless you let him. And by dwelling (that sounds so negative) on the situtation, you're giving HIM all the control over YOUR emotions.
Don't.
Just keep in mind that everything happens for a reason. This is now your opportunity to tell him once and once only that you will not be controlled or hurt by someone who doesn't care about you and how YOU feel. And don't wait around for a response because you probably won't get one. And you can't try and keep contacting him after that, or that completely dismisses what you just told him. YOU have to break it off and say to yourself "You know what? If he can completely ignore me, I'm going to tell him how much that hurt me, but that I won't let it get to me. I'm stronger than that. If he doesn't want to voice his feelings on the topic, that's fine. But I'm going to voice mine and leave him with those last words."
Just think ... once this relationship is done and over with, you now have the chance to find someone else. Someone who cares about you and is considerate of you and not just themselves (like this current guy).
I know he TOLD you he loves you, but he clearly isn't showing it.
2006-11-12 05:20:50 · answer #3 · answered by Imperfect 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the club! This happened to me 2 months ago (2 year relationship) and I'm just getting past it. She cheated and lied and then broke up and wouldn't return my calls or text's. It makes you feel like your worthless right? Well i finally realized she was embarrassed to talk to me and was just being a coward and running away. I got over it by being angry with her and realizing that it was her problem and not mine. Try talking to friends, go out with other guys, keep busy and don't dwell on what you had. You are grieving for what you had, and it will never come back, even if he came back into your life today. Good Luck, emotional pain is the worst pain of all, it makes a broken arm seem minor.
2006-11-12 05:17:29 · answer #4 · answered by Jim V 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry to hear this. I know you must feel terribly hurt. But I must be honest and tell you that when a person feels like they have to hang on and wait for the other person to keep confirming that it is over, then it is over. As painful as it may be, I think you need to face the reality and start to make a plan to move on with your life. Let this experience mature you. Let it help you grow. Learn from it because it is through this learning that healing occurs.
2006-11-12 05:11:53 · answer #5 · answered by Isis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look sweetie this happens in the world,sometime u come across people for whom u care alot but they show an attitude as u never existed 4 them.this is something he should repent upon that he didn care of a nice girl like u.as far as u r concerned i think u should bravely face the truth.try 2 get urself busy in any social work n u;ll see tat there r so many people leading a miserable life,try 2 help them n get their prayers.i hope this will help u getting out of the situation.best of luck.
2006-11-12 05:19:01 · answer #6 · answered by malika 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As Mariah Carey says: "Sh...Sh..Sh..Shake it off!" The hardest part of a relationship is letting go! You have to be strong and let him go. The first thing you should do is get rid of everything that his is and everything that reminds you of him! EVERYTHING! Then have a lot of people around you or go out a lot, keep very very busy to keep your mind off of him. It will take time to get over him. I let my ex go and cried for 3 months straight for him and I went back to him and realized within a week that he was no good and I was well over him. I just needed that finalization. Trust me it will be okay. Time heals all. I know it sounds cliche but time really does heal all.
2006-11-12 05:15:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, stop making excuses for him. What he's doing is stupid, rude and immature. Knowing that, realize that he is NOT someone who could ever make you happy. What you are going to have to do is really suffer through that pain you are feeling. It sucks and it feels like you are going to die, but suffer through it - you HAVE to - it is part of the healing process. If it helps tell yourself that you and he could get back together, years from now when both of you have moved on from this whole issue. But know that you CANNOT do that right now.
2006-11-12 05:15:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, i know how you feel. even though that happened to me about five years ago. i still sort of remember it. haha. there's your first bit of advice. in a few years, this will probably mean nothing to you. you need to realize that a man of that age who can't confront something whether he wants to or not, could not make you happy. he obviously needs some time to grow up, and there is no magic woman who can make a man do that. he needs to learn and want to grow up. (sadly, it can take some of them awhile)
take the time alone to appreciate yourself for just yourself and to realize you don't need someone to make you happy. that way, when you're ready for a new relationship, you will be okay with yourself, and you'll know you don't need him to be content. confidence in yourself breeds confidence in a relationship and maybe next time a man tries to bring you down, he'll end up on the other end.
2006-11-12 05:12:44 · answer #9 · answered by itendstoday 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in the same situation before...the only thing you can really do is do your damndest to distance yourself from him. He sounds like a dirtbag, and you definetly deserve much better.
If you need someone to talk to - send me an email and I'll be your friend. Or you can visit my 360 page and leave me a message - I always respond :)
Good luck sweetie...
2006-11-12 05:09:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋