I am getting ready to marry my fiance of 1 1/2 yrs, my family does not approve because of his race!?

Question

He's really nice, funny, and we are very much in love. We've been through alot good and bad so my family not liking him does not help. exspecially with the holidays coming up, I would love to bring him to our get togethers and he would like to go but i'm not allowed to bring him.
His family is very loving and treats me like i've been part of the family for years, so far on holidays I go with him to his family but i also miss being with mine what do I do???
PLEASE HELP !!!!

Let me specifi there is a few that wont mind but everyones going to be there, and I dont want know drama.

Answer 1

It is a terrible situation and one I can relate to. I'm not accepted by my fiances family because of my race.

I would recommend that you do not take him to large family gatherings. This is when the ENTIRE family can gang up on you and him. Try to win some people over slowly, one family member at a time.

The more family members you can get to like him the better off you will be at larger family gatherings.

Let your family get to know him on an individual basis. Pick one or two other family members and go out to dinner, let them see what you see in your fiance. Start with easy wins, someone who is really close to you and only wants to see you happy.

If you take it slow, things will work out in time. For now, enjoy the holiday season with his family. It sounds like they could be a great source of support for the two of you.

Best of luck.

Answer 2

It's a good thing they aren't marrying him, then--and you can tell them that. But give them time. People are scared of what they don't know, that's why another concept word for racism is xenophobia, which pretty much means fear of strangers. Also, what people have been taught to believe while growing up can be very hard to overcome. Enough movies have been made on the subject that we know it's on people's minds. (art imitates life as they say) It may be better to have a smaller ceremony and then invite everyone to a dinner afterwards, hopefully over time those in your family will get to know and love him as you do, and overcome their narrow-mindedness. But if all else fails, embrace those who accept him and pray that those who don't will learn to. And whatever you do, don't let him and your relationship slip away because of family pressure

Answer 3

I think you're better off going to his family's holiday get-togethers. Bringing your fiance somewhere where he's not wanted will definitely start some drama. Hopefully, your family will start to miss seeing you on holidays and change their way of thinking...especially since the two of you are going to be married! Best Wishes!

Answer 4

If you really love him of course you should stay with him, but you have to realize that if ya'll get married it's not gonna be just your family dogging ya'll out because of the racial difference, it is going to be everyone, from dirty looks in public, to girls of his race trying to steal him away, and men of your race acting like you commited a crime. It is going to be ALOT of drama, regardless, your relationship better be on point to withstand what ya'll are about to go through, and don't let me get started about the kids. Really think it over before ya'll take this big step, because it has a tough chance at surviving.

Answer 5

Go to his family gatherings and let you family know why. All of them!! The haters will be put on the spot and everyone will know why your not there and it's because of the haters. Don't let them get you down, next year if they see he is nice to you they might feel differently and accept him. I was in the same situation but her family did not approve of my age. Good luck!!

Answer 6

If he and his family are good then marry him. Everyone's family is like this. They say no but after the marriage they will accept you and him and even if they don't then.

All you got to do is get a baby and they will come flocking.

But to your question, I say, you go to his family get togethers but don't take him to your because yes there will be drama and it will badly hurt his feelings.

His family is so nice and if yours is rude he will be very sad. If they don't like it then don't.

Good luck

Answer 7

I think that the 2 of you need to go over all the holidays and decide which ones you will be attending with him to his families home, and which ones you will be attending to your families alone. You can not force your family to invite him. Just give them time, maybe they will come around.

Answer 8

I guess you just have to accept the fact that your family doesn't approve. It's their loss if they can't accept it. You will either have to go to family gatherings alone or miss out. Explain to your family that you love this man and you are going to be with him no matter what.

Answer 9

its sad that some of your family has energy to waist on dis-liking someone because of their nationality. i personally have no time for them. tell your family that you love the dude and if they so choose to use such and idiotic reason for not liking your man them tell them it's their choice to do so and your sure that his family would love to include you in their "family or equal love not based on your colour, race, religion or whatever. some times turnabout is fair play. if they don't come to realize their mistake good for you, if not your future will be better as you may have kids and stuff. how would they treat your kids?

Answer 10

Then if he isn't welcome, why would you want to go there?
You need to make a decision, him & his family or getting together with yours....alone.

Most times the fellow always seems to gather with the woman's family. My parents did for awhile, but my mother ALWAYS came away crying. So growing up, I remember only gathering with my father's family for every Thanksgiving & Christmas. Some of my fondest memories.