my daughter was due to have her first baby 2 weeks ago - and i still don`t know if she has had it. me and my husband - her step father who loves her very much are not allowed to get in touch with her. her husband has taken her mobile away and watches her every move. she can`t do anything without asking him first and if she wants to go out, it has to be with him. me and my daughter were always incredibly close till he came along and for some reason he made it clear he dislikes us. they live in a "show home" and the only time we went round there we had to leave our shoes on the doorstep. i was so worried i may spill my cup of tea as everything was so perfect. we were so uncomfortable. when they came round to our house i`m afraid we were drinking and smoking after a hard days work and he said we live like pigs. we don`t i promise. we just work hard. i cant get in touch with her, she lives 40 miles away, we dont have a car. i have tried everything to get in touch, please what shall i do?
2006-11-12 04:28:16 · 26 answers · asked by Spurs17 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Dear Mam, I was in a similar situation. I was in another state on top of it. He controlled everything, even the phone. When I got on he had to control the conversation, so my family quit calling. I was with him for 17 years.Because I was afraid of him. Now that is probably what is wrong with her, FEAR. He has probably threatened her and she feels she has no way out. Plus if you were close to her, dont you think she knows too? I missed my mom sooo bad. Well she passed away before I got to see her after 2 years. He would never let me go visit any of my family alone so I feel for her. I don't believe that she knew what she was getting into. I didn't. He changed after we married.
My advise to you is wait and be patient. Believe me its killing her as much as you. To not see her mom I'm sure is hurting her. New Baby?
She either keeps her mouth shut or they fight alot. Either way there will be heartbreak. Too bad you couldn't find a way to get her out of there but you see when you have more than what you grew up with, its hard to leave. Your daughters husband is nothing but an insecure bully that feels he has power over her. Makes him feel like a big man when you and I both know he's a very small man. Just has a loud voice and knows how to use his power.
I too couldn't go anywhere with out my husband, he timed me when I went in the store, questioned me as to why it took so long and who was I talking to. He controlled the finances, He told my kids when and where they could go and who they could see and how long, that included church activities. I finally left after much proding from my church friends, 17 yrs later. I know exactly what is going on. I pray that she will come to her senses before that. I'm sure he is telling her that no one else will give her what he has and no one will love her either. Also He is probably demeaning her to keep her down and that she will have no friends no family or self esteem. So she will feel no one will want her so why leave? That is why I never left. I believed him! Why should'nt I? He was my husband and he would not hurt me. Trust me this man is a monster. He is narcisstic, anti social, among other things.
Try putting an ad in the paper, classified, saying only what she will know. Maybe something can generate from that. Sounds horrible but it may be the only way. If she can't use her phone that will be very difficult to contact you. He keeps track of the phone records too. Believe me this guy is a scarey person.
Sorry this is so long, but there was alot to say.
Just remember IF you reach her, let her know how much you love her NO MATTER WHAT.
2006-11-12 07:09:12 · answer #1 · answered by anglnthmdst 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
how do you know that your daughter's mobile has been taken away from her, if you cannot speak to her? has she gotten, somehow, in touch with you to let you know this? your daughter and her husband, both, knew how you and your husband lived, and i'm sure it's not a pig sty. it's was a very nasty thing for him to say. but you daughter must be playing some part in all this. if he is that controlling of her, i think she would find some way to get in touch with you. he must go to work and she could mail you a letter and spill her heart out to you - but she's not. either, she's that afraid of him or she prefers her new lifestyle and doesn't know how to handle it. it's a shame about the grandbaby - why not call the hospital she was to give birth at and see if she had the baby. then, send a beautiful baby gift and heartfelt note to your daughter letting her know now that she's a mom she'll realize how hard it is to be the PERFECT mom - that no one is - and the only thing we all can do is to try our best. good luck - i hope her being a mother will make her look at you in a different light as the loving mother that i'm sure you are.
2006-11-12 05:14:07 · answer #2 · answered by try 2 help 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you know any of your daughters friends that she may still be in touch with? What about a minister or pastor? Is she going to be a stay at home mom or does she have a job that she's going back to? maybe you could contact her there? If you shen her a letter make sure that you send it restricted delivery! That way only she can sign for it and he can't. If you send it any other way then you can't be sure if she gets it. I know this because I work as a mail carrier. Or what about getting a friend to take you to her house and if you think there might be trouble you could go to the local Police department and ask for an escort to the house. Tell them your fears and they might investigate. Good luck and Best Wishes
2006-11-12 04:53:00 · answer #3 · answered by uspsrose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should organise a bus or coach to where your daughter lives or maybe ask a good friend to take you. go round to the house and sit your dauhters boyfriend down and explain to him that not everything in the home should be tidied constantly as older people do like to feel like they are in a nice comfortable home and not just a house plus if you are working hard then you do deserve a drink on an evening and you are free to smoke. i am not a smoker myself so iwouldnt really know lol but i do feel that your daughter is in a bad situation aswell as she is stuck in a relationship with an overprotecting boyfriend and a newborn child. so i dont really think your daughter wants to start doing what he doesnt want her to do so that everything that is settled as you said she has a show house and a boyfriend and now a new born child i dont think she will wan to annoy the boyfriend to make everything 100 times worse so just go to see him and her and just explain your feelings and i have a good feeling that this will all improve
2006-11-12 04:59:20 · answer #4 · answered by jaymus 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really feel for you. Either your daughter is infatuated with this man, which is making her insecure or she is afraid of him. Either was this is a relationship that she needs to distance herself from. It is very difficult to watch from the sideline knowing feeling futile whilst watching your child being controlled like this. How it looks to me is that your daughter has come from a very loving home and he is intimidated by her love for you and your husband. It seems that reasoning does not even feature here. You need to get your daughter alone. Talk to her in a supportive understanding tone without preaching or being patronizing, Tell her how much better she can do. If however she does truly love him you need to convince her to stand on her own two feet. She needs to convince her husband that she needs her family around her, no1 wants to lose a loving family. She needs to convince him that her family can be his too if he gives her the freedom to see ye. If he becomes violent then she has to realise that this sort of relationship is not healthy or normal and she needs to get out. The hardest part of all of this is for you to talk to her in the first place. Send some flowers or a card wishing her well with the baby. Don't say who its from she shold know. Call her and plead your case, be supportive first and foremost and don't tell her your feelings about her husband for a while. I really hope it all works out for you. I hate to see a happy close knit family be torn apart by a jealous or manipulative spouse. I hope my advice helped in some way
2006-11-12 04:50:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds so like my ex, my story is similar to another lady that answered you. I used to pretend to my mum that everything was OK and that i was happy, i was trying to fool myself as much as her. She will leave, it might take quite some time(took me 11years and 1 child) and maybe like me she will have to have a nervous breakdown first but there will be a point she cant take any more, until then keep the way open but not in a way that will make it worse for her.
Send flowers to her with a note saying your thinking of her and would love to hear from her. Is there anybody who could tell you if she has had baby? then you could send a card-again with the message of always being there for her, just try now and then, softly softly, and if you do get to speak to her don't rush in with trying to find out all the details and trying to point things out to her, that will make it worse for her. just get across that you will always be there for her whatever.
2006-11-12 09:42:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you've been dying your hair for a long time it may have been light brown for sometime and you just didn't notice it. Hair CAN change colors over time. As you age it sometimes gets darker if it starts out really light. I'm 26 and mine is a conisderable amount darker than it was in high school. It doesn't seem odd to me for it to be a little darker than it has been. As for healthy treatments... I would let it grow in and grow out most of the color before I do anything to it. I periodically do that. I had all over color in December to get it back to my normal shade from highlights and it's a close match so I'm letting all the color grow out before I do it again. Your untreated hair will grow in healthier.
2016-05-22 07:11:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there really not much that you can do. your daughter has chosen this life with this man. have you bothered to write her a letter? telling her that you miss her and would like to see her. if you do write to her i suggest that you not put anything in this letter that is negative of him or her decision to stay away from her family. only write the positive things, tell her what has been going on how work is going. keep things positive.for now that's all you can do. until the day comes that your daughter decides to change things.i find it hard to believe that he is watching over her every second, so i have to wonder, why doesnt she write to you and tell you how she is doing. i think that maybe she too has decided she wants nothing to do with you, for her own reasons. that you may not be telling us.
2006-11-12 04:46:09 · answer #8 · answered by here to help 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh boy! Explain what you just told us to the police in HER juristiction. Tell them all you are asking for is a police escort to see her. See about getting a friend with a car to take you to the town she lives in talk to a priest he could help locate a transportation to see her. you have every right to be concerned. he is a controll freak. he sounds just like my sister in law's ex She got out of that situation because he was deathly afraid of my father in law. BTW the neat freak he is I'd say he's got Obsesive Compulsive disorder.
Good Luck Dear! I hope your story has the happy ending my sister in law's did.
2006-11-12 04:54:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would make an anonymous call to the police and report him for spousal abuse. Then, call Child Protective Services and report him for child abuse. That should occupy his time long enough for you to contact your daughter. If nothing comes out of the investigations, then you can probably rest a bit easier that she's ok.
2006-11-12 04:37:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋