Me n my guy r havin some really tough times.. Our wedding is less than 4 weeks n we haven't done any preparation yet.. The marriage is sudden cos my we r havin some problems with both of our parents.. We bought a hse so tat we can stay together and we need to produce the marriage cert b4 we can finalise the deal.. Hence the hasty marriage... My parents are totally unaware of these at all... I feel very bad abt it but the tension between my guy n my dad is too much tat he can't bring himself to talk to my dad abt it, so am I.. Only his mom knows abt these and his mom too are starting to interfere too much in it... The original plan was to do this w/o the parents and now, he's like OK abt his mom chipping in into the marriage issues... I felt quite hurt abt it.. Tried to make him see my point but in the end we always end up arguing abt it..I know very well tat we r not making any right steps or decision here but he can't understand it.. I m beginning to think twice abt it now..
2006-11-12 03:17:20 · 8 answers · asked by SyaKiRa 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
he did sth today which pisses me off to the max... i couldn't take it anymore.. n i begin to question myself abt being with him.. i don't know if he can take care of me for the rest of my life.... i m totally upset rite now.. i don't know if i'm juz being a control freak here, but i haf thought of cancelling the wedding totally... i know date has been fixed and all tat, but i can't help thinking tat i m ruining my own life rite now.. i don't know if i can trust him... the fact that i m going to leave my family to be with him, tat scares me now.. m i being selfish? how do i make him see things form my point of view as well? as i reflect on things now, i realised tat i am very very stupid and all this could haf been avoided... i m so confused now... now b4 u ppl think i'm some teen.. let me tell u i'm 25 n he's 30...
2006-11-12 03:22:10 · update #1
tidy > i m from singapore..and here in order for u to buy an apartment, u gotta be legally married.. tats explains y the wedding story comes into the picture.. we couldn't afford to rent a place as we got to come up with cash every month.. when we buy an apartment, it can be deducted thru our Central Provident Fund....
2006-11-12 03:27:50 · update #2
you should deffinitly just tell your parents. all of you should sit down and discuss it. as for your getting married, marrige is all about compromising. you both think you are right and neither of you want to give in. you just have to think what is more important to you- him or you being right? sit down and talk with him about how you feel and dont let it turn into an argument. it wont hurt to listen to him and try to agreeabout some things. tell how much it bothered you what he did,. if you dont tell him he will never know and then how can he change? keep in mind that noone is perfect, and even the best of marriges have these fights. if you guys are engaged chances are you love him, and love is not the easiest thing to come by. every bride has second thoughts, if you didnt, it would just be weird. remember, marrige is a two way street, you both have to meet halfway, and sometimes you have to go a little further, just keep on thinking what is more important. winning a stupid argument or your marrige. i hope this helped you. good luck and congradulations!
2006-11-12 03:47:45 · answer #1 · answered by PaRtYqUeEn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are just having too many doubts about this to even think about going any further into it. I would not take bets that this marriage would last more than a maximum of 5 years and that is pushing it, And by then, there could possibly be 2-3 young children involved and that definitely would not be fair to them.
Also, do you really want to alienate your family by doing this behind their backs? Weddings are supposed to be beautiful times to share with family and friends
I think you two need to step back and slow down. You need to try and work things out with your family and hiss, and then start planning a wedding. Perhaps a combined gift from both families might be to pay rent on a place for you for 3-4 months until you can find another house. But, I honestly do not feel good about the way things are right now with you two and would hate to see you make a mistake that you will eventually (and probably very soon) regret.
Think very hard about this before going through with this marriage.
2006-11-12 17:54:00 · answer #2 · answered by lildragonlexi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Voice of experience" speaking here - if you are having concerns or doubts, DON"T MARRY THE GUY! Buying a house together is not a good enough reason to go ahead and marry someone, especially if you are having doubts. A marriage is more than just a piece of paper, it's a covenant with God and too many people don't take it seriously enough - they think that "Well, if it doesn't work out, I can always get divorced"...if you feel that way now, then don't do it because you're not ready or there are issues with your relationship.
There must be trust between the two of you - you have to be able to trust that when he says something, that he means it and his word is his word. Meaning, he's not going to be swayed by outside influences (like his mom) and he will stand by you when the going gets tough. Email me if you need to talk further. I've been down that road.
Best wishes to you.
2006-11-12 11:33:50 · answer #3 · answered by tallgirltexas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
getting married to buy a house? give your head a shake girl, and get out! if you have doubts now run for the hills, dont waste your precious life this way only ever marry for love and im sure you know that because you are having doubts plus 1 month is not enough time to plan a wedding unless you are doing it really quick no reception. move on and find someone who takes your breathe away because marriage is expensive and divorce is even more.
2006-11-12 11:27:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you're starting to having second thoughts about marriage then that means you shouldn't get married in 4 weeks, deal with the parents first, and until they agree that for you 2 to get married, then plan the wedding, it'll be better that way. Or secretly get married without them knowing then tell them later on.
2006-11-12 11:21:22 · answer #5 · answered by superboredom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why in the world would you marry someone just so you can buy a house?! Seriously........stay living in separate areas, and don't have a hasty wedding. It will end in divorce, guaranteed.
2006-11-12 13:05:24 · answer #6 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think a morgage company can turn you down if you're not married.As long as you both qualify and both names are on the deed.
2006-11-12 11:24:06 · answer #7 · answered by danp 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you should postpone the wedding and reevaluate your plans. Starting a marriage this way will doom it.
2006-11-12 12:56:38 · answer #8 · answered by sheryl d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋