ok u lot must have had fun with ur guest lists but have u had as much trouble as this...my best friend is getting married, she also happens to be my ex's sister, my ex- her bro- left me when i was 26 weeks preggers with baby no. 2 for another woman. me and my mate are determined to stay friends. However mummy is now over the moon she is rid of me (we never got on) and since she is paying for the whole thing she has made my mate (also aunty to my kids obvs) compromise that i am not to be invited to the wedding cos her bro is with this other woman (me and other woman obvs dont get on) me and my mate are gutted but the wicked mummy in law is expecting to take my kids along (even tho my mate has told me not to let her)- i know im not family anymore but this has really upset me has anyone ever been in this predicament(not inviting someone cos of ex) & did u ever solve it. I have missed 3 weddings this year (thru choice)cos i was preggers and ex was there with new thing.
2006-11-12 03:03:56 · 29 answers · asked by sugar 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
hi bluez- she was seeing him for 2 months behind my back and knows me - tried to be my m8 b4 i found out she is horrid defo blame her aswell as him... everyone else the mother in law just hates me she knows i love my friend 2 much to kick up a stink with the new thing on my m8s special day
2006-11-12 03:18:18 · update #1
Aren't people horrible sometime! It needs to be your best friends choice, it is her day, if she feels the same way that you seem to feel about her then she'll fight to have you there, having said that though, blackmail is big in family wedding situations, she will feel it if your not there on her big day, however if you do go please dont give in to a slanging match with any of them, you sound so much better than that, and it would just confirm their wrong view of you. If you do go will there be people that you will feel comfortable with as if it is a big do your friend may not be able to spend much time with you? If you do go, look stuning(not tarty) completly blank MIL ex & the poor tart he has now! Only you know if your children should go, would they be happy to miss it, would you be ok hearing about it from them, would they pick up on why your not there? Good luck, may you find someone that deserves you, and it be your day soon that she gets invited to and not them!
2006-11-12 09:17:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it all comes down to whether your friend invites you or not. (Sorry, I'm American and I can't bring myself to say "mate".) :) It's her wedding, NOT her brother's, and NOT her mom's, no matter who is paying for it. If your friend's mom loves her and wants her to be happy and have a beautiful wedding, she should want her friends to be there, no matter how she (mom) feels about the friends.
Unfortunately, it sounds like your mother-in-law (ex or not) is not the kind of person who's going to dole out unconditional love or not make a scene just because she shouldn't. Therefore, since the kids seem to be important to her (she probably wants to show off the grandchildren), and she's turned this into a power struggle, I think you have every right to refuse to let the kids go. If you want, tell your mom-in-law that it's all or nothing: either you go with the kids or the kids don't go. You are their guardian. What is the worst she can do, kidnap them to take them to the wedding? Shoot you? They're not her personal accessories.
But: please don't do any of this in front of the kids. Even if they're both still babies, they'll be able to figure out that this is about them and it'll make them unhappy. Don't let them become the battleground.
2006-11-12 11:22:34 · answer #2 · answered by thepracticaldragon 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She has no right to determine your mates, friendships even if she was paying. How childish, surly any mother would want her daughter to have the big day of her dreams. It's not her daughters fault that her son is an evil man who leaves you pregnant for another women.
If anything she should be on your side as your the mother of her grandchildren. She will be the one to miss out in the long run. I would ask the children (if they are old enough) if they want to go. If they are to young and your bet mate has said she would prefer it if they didn't go then they should stay with you. It seems that having them at the wedding over the wishes of everyone else is just another way this 'evil' ex mother in-law can hurt you.
2006-11-12 11:11:38 · answer #3 · answered by Heather 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is up to your friend and her Fiance who they invite to their wedding (getting to name the guest list should not be a condition of paying for the wedding). Your friend must decide whether you are invited to the wedding or not. If you go, your kids go, if you do not your kids don't - simple as that. Don't let the in-laws use your kids to pretend to be happy families. If you do go I am sure you will hold you head high and not be proud to be there for your friend. Let ex and new "thing" feel uneasy as seeing them at the wedding is nothing compared to what you have already been through on your own. There is nothing more unsettling to people than when someone they expect to feel intimidated by their presence is really confident. If you do go and ex kicks up stink, your friend should tell "thing" it would be better if she stayed at home and not you!! Good Luck.
2006-11-12 11:19:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
that is so cute: "new thing" if i am reading this all correctly, your best friend (no matter what the relationship comes out of) should make that decision if you should come or not. just b/c someone is paying for the wedding does not mean they can pick and choose who is on the guest list. it's not "mummy's" wedding it is your friend's. i would GO and BRING the kids (well maybe) just to put the "new thing" and ex in an uneasy way. but i am mean and don't care about people after they have intentionally hurt me. good luck.
2006-11-12 11:10:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not a good situation to be in. On one hand, it's your friend's big day and she should be able to invite whoever she wants. However, I can see the point of not inviting you too. Maybe her mother is afraid you will start something with your ex and his new woman and make a scene. I can understand not wanting that at your daughter's wedding. Just let your friend make her decision and respect it. Don't think less of her if she chooses not to have you there. She has to live with her family and her decisions, not you.
Also, keep in mind that your ex chose to leave you for another woman...it's not necessarily the other woman's fault and you shouldn't hate her for that. Be glad that you are rid of pond scum like him and can move on to someone you deserve.....
2006-11-12 11:15:13 · answer #6 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poor you!
The most important thing is that your friend has a happy wedding day. It's very sad that she may not be able to have all her family and friends around her but that is not your fault and there is no point getting upset about it as it will make things ever more stressful for her.
Her brother is obviously going to be there and it's perhaps natural - although very unfair - that their mother does not want your presence to upset him and his new partner.
So what can you do?
Behave with good grace.
Have a girl's night out with your friend before the big day. Let your children go to the wedding, dress them beautifully, send them to enjoy it with your blessing, and give yourself a treat while they are out.
Write a loving message with your gift to your friend and her new husband.
Admire the photos and listen to the stories afterwards.
Don't say mean things about her family.
That way you will be a true friend and no-one will have a bad word to say about you.
2006-11-12 11:12:46 · answer #7 · answered by Bridget F 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I personally think your friend should tell mommy-in-law that this is her wedding day and she will have at her wedding whom she chooses to have, if your friend doesn't start as she means to go on with mommy-in-law then she will be controlling her forever won't she, she is marrying the man she loves and not her future mother-in-law, I had the mother-in-law from hell but stood up to her and believe it or not we became the best of friends in the end up, sometimes a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do and if that means telling the wicked mother-in-law no one is going to spoil her wedding day with their bitterness, then so be it, good luck.
2006-11-12 20:52:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if this will help you any, but when my ex-bro-in-law got remarried, my hubby, myself, and my parents were all invited to the wedding due to my nephew in the wedding and that my ex-bro-in-law and I were close. His family had a fit about it but in the end, no one dared speak up at the wedding and ruin the day for him, all was fine...even civil for the afternoon.
2006-11-13 00:34:52 · answer #9 · answered by frazzled over halloween 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How horrible for you. If the bride wants you there, then you should be there and those who are uncomfortable with it (the thing) shouldn't go!
However - it is the bride's day and if it means that her day will be spoiled because of all this nonsense, then the grown up thing to do is smile sweetly, say it doesn't matter and of course, you understand and you and the kids will stay at home.
I think once you split up, it is best for his family to get on with his new life and you get on with yours.
It isn't easy and I don't understand the nastiness. But that's the world for you.
2006-11-12 11:20:25 · answer #10 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋