My fiance seems to be very controlling. He hates my mother and will not let her take our 11 month old son to visit her. I finally said enough and am letting my father take him this morning to church w/ him. My mother is away on a bussnius trip. My fiance said he was fine w/ that. This morning he changed his mind, he did not want him around "strangers" in the church, even though my father will be watching him close. He just took off all upset. He also does not want the car heater fixed by my friends friend who is a mechenic, even though we do not have the money and my friend is willing to front the money and we pay her back a little at a time. He wants to bring it to a garage were it will cost us a couple thousand dollars. He will not listen to reason. He also said he will kill himself if he does not get his own way. What the hell do I do?? I'm at my wits end. When he is angry he says he does not love our son and wants nothing to do w/ us but when he is calm he changes his mind
2006-11-12 00:59:24 · 26 answers · asked by snowball24life 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My friend is getting us a deal of about $200.00 compared to a couple grand. What the heck is his problem and what can I do if anything?
2006-11-12 01:01:08 · update #1
You need to get out. I know you think you love him, but you can tell from what you wrote that you are miserable and unhappy. Not to mention your fiance either needs anger management or some other kind of help. He has some serious issues. Think of the things he says and what that will eventually do to your son's self esteem. Get out hun, and good luck!
2006-11-12 01:03:31 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Basically youre involved with one very emotionally unstable hombre. He is not only dangerous to himself but everyone around him. I could go on and on here about him but the bottom line is get away from him as far as you can. Obtain a protective restraining order against him for you and your sons safety. You dont know when or what he will go off again and for what, so just get out. Youd be better off without him. Unless of course you can get him some professional help. Without it nothings going to change and will probably get worse before it gets better. Your son doesnt need a father like him and you definitely dont want your son growing up following his fathers footsteps. Good luck
2006-11-12 02:46:11 · answer #2 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have some fiancial woes and he has a esteem issue regarding not being able to be the provider and the man he wants to be. Assure him that you understand what he is going through and things will be ok. Men have their little quirks be in control and being controlling is two different things. sounds like some counseling is in order. He will try to resist the idea but don't pressure him, he will get defensive and you must be calm. this is a business of life matter try to keep the emotions out of it. You might want to seek some advice from a counselor on how to deal with this issue and it won't cost you a dime.
2006-11-12 01:11:42 · answer #3 · answered by David B re 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have a number of issues that need to be dealt with and you need professional help.
It may be something more than the day to day things that are causing your fiance to behave the way he is. It is important to try and communicate more effectively however to do this you need deal with each issue separately. Fixing the car and dealing with your son as parents are two vastly different issues.
Threatening to kill oneself to gain ones wishes is highly manipulative but this doesn't mean your husband is not a danger to himself or even others so you need to deal with this issue also.
You haven't said wether Alcohol or Drugs are an issue here but if they are then don't wait any longer before you seek professional help for your relationship.
No amount of Advice will help here you need proper counseling.
Hope this helps.
2006-11-12 01:16:15 · answer #4 · answered by David R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like he needs to leave and you and your child would be better off it is ur mom and dad they have grandparents rights and yah people say mean and hurtfull thing in the heat of the moment but to say that he does not want any thing to do with u or or child is wrong and u need to have a heart and think of your baby just because they can't talk they can sense what is going on and what is being said you and your baby will do fine and u would have ur parent to help... and if he says he will kill him self thats just his way of making u give in so that he will get his own way and it seems to work... and as for the car if it going to save u $$ i would go for it espically with christmas and your sons b-day if u feel endngered or u feel that he will hurt u or the baby i would talk to ur parents and live with them and tell him he has to stop he had to compromise and let ur parents see the baby and he can't control u. you are your own person and no body can make u feel inferior but ur self!!
2006-11-12 01:14:27 · answer #5 · answered by hellokitty_19_2002 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey you need to GEt out, very controlling and to say he doesns't love his own flesh and blood, very sad...I am sure he will be closed to this option, but he needs to seek help, go on medication for depression. and not to let grandpa take his grandson to church because he will be around strangers...he will always be around strangers that is why we are the "protector" of our little ones, we can't shelter them all their lives...by the way that is a typical abuser..when there mad they blow and when they are calm they act as if nothing happened...get out, Fast!!! He will not change on his own
2006-11-12 01:12:56 · answer #6 · answered by - 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has severe mental illness and also that he is a major control freak he is not your boss and it is crazy that he don't let your parents take your son he is your son too.And him telling you he dose not love you or your son is majorly emotionally abusive especial to him abuse is not always physical its emotional also and I know you want the best for your little boy and being around a man like that isn't it and I know you don't leave because you love him or he has his good moments but the good moments don't make up for the bad moments hunny please get you and your son away from him or else your son is going to end up emotionally damaged like his father I'm sorry Iam not trying to offend you I have been in a situation like yours and the best thing I have ever done was getting me and my children away from the emotional abusive control freak father good luck.
2006-11-12 01:10:51 · answer #7 · answered by sar sar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ummm and you put up with that? That would be a cold day in hell before I ever let that BS happen! You need to suck it up,get some balls sweety and kick that mans butt to the curb,and don't ever look back. Trust me you and your son will be better off with out him,and if in the end he actually does kill himself,then you can go shoppin' for a 'new daddy' for your son,because his daddy was no man to be proud of!
Do you want your son to be just like his daddy?
2006-11-12 01:08:27 · answer #8 · answered by vanislandwitch 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you really are in a tough spot. You should really consider whether you truly want to spend the rest of your life with someone like this. If he is this controlling now, you can only imagine what he will be like once you're married. Life's too short to waste your time on someone who will take the phrase " Till death do us part" literally. It sounds like you have the support of your family and friends, so now may be the time to confront him and let him know he needs to change his ways.
2006-11-12 01:14:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion you need to find this boy some help, now !! I was married to a man that was abusive & somewhat controlling who eventually did kill himself . If he refuses to go , then you go ! Give him no options, if he claims to want to kill himself then call the police and let him know that this is not a game, that he needs help & you are serious. Please don't play with this it is not only your life he is affecting it will be your child's future.
God Bless !! I will pray for you!
2006-11-12 01:51:09 · answer #10 · answered by tink2363 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋