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Overcoming Shyness and Social Phobia
Shyness, (sometimes inaccurately called 'social phobia'), affects most people at some time in their life. Young people in particular find overcoming shyness difficult as they improve their social skills. And for some, shyness seems to persist into adult life, almost as if it has become a 'habit'.

Shyness has its roots in self consciousness and usually dissipates as people mature and become more experienced. However, for some it can 'stick', and then action is required.

Although most people think in terms of 'overcoming shyness', it is more likely that you will become comfortable in social situations by learning the strategies of self confidence along with social skills. Then, shyness is no longer the issue, as social nerves will melt away as a new 'habit' takes their place.

Shyness versus Social Phobia

It is my personal opinion that social phobia is too often diagnosed where people are simply experiencing natural shyness. It is perfectly natural to be a little timid in a situation where you don't yet know the 'rules', or what to do. In fact, most people experience some degree of nerves when, say going to meet friends, especially if it is somewhere they haven't been before, or someone new will be there.

We have to be very careful not to assume that there is something wrong with this. Social nerves are natural, as long as they don't get out of hand. Focusing on them and making them into a 'big thing' will only make matters worse.

When learning about social situations, young people need the chance to find their own way, without being labeled with 'social phobia'. This is not to say that social phobia does not exist; I know it does because I have worked with people suffering from it. However, in the vast majority of cases, the solution is social skills training, and perhaps relaxation and rehearsal, rather than drugs.

If a person can maintain a degree of calmness in a situation, then they are much more likely to be able to learn about how the situation works. However, if they are highly anxious and internally focused, both their emotional state and focus of attention will make it more difficult to pick up on subtle social cues.

The other key point about overcoming shyness is that most of socialising is an unconscious process. That doesn't mean you should be asleep when you're doing it (tell that to people I speak to at parties ;-), it simply means that much of human communication is non-verbal. That is, 'it's not what you say, it's the way that you say it'.

If you become highly anxious, this will tend to focus your conscious mind on your immediate environment, getting in the way of those unconscious processes.
Tips For Overcoming Shyness
Check out the tips in the article on self consciousness, particularly the ones to do with where you focus your attention.

* Practise becoming fascinated by other people. Ask them about themselves, and concentrate when they answer you. Remember what they tell you about themselves so you can talk about it later, or on another occasion.


* Great socialisers make other people feel comfortable and interesting. How do they do that? By being really, genuinely interested in other people. If you are talking to someone and you feel boring or inferior, ask why that is. Is it really all your fault?


* Practise using fewer 'personal pronouns' when you talk about things. Sentences beginning with 'I' are not only a turn-off for the listener, they also keep the focus of attention on you, which increases shyness. (Note: Of course, part of friendship is giving away things about yourself, but only when you feel it is appropriate to do so.)


* Remember that the way to overcome shyness is to focus elsewhere. Like on imagining what it will be like to really enjoy the social event, on how it will feel to be full of energy, or to be having a great conversation with someone.

The exercises and techniques contained within the Self Confidence Course should help with shyness because they focus on what to do to feel confident, rather than how to avoid feeling shy.

Overcoming shyness is about doing the things that allow you to enjoy social situations, not wondering why you feel shy! Good luck and I hope this article has been useful.

This self hypnosis download can help with shyness

2006-11-12 00:56:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Do you have one or two close friends you can ask to accompany you to social events? If you have a "safe word" or signal, you can devise a system by which your buddy can tell when you no longer feel like being there and can intervene for you, if you don't feel comfortable asking to leave. Start with simple outings with a small group of people you feel comfortable with, or situations where you are free to come and go as you wish without pressure.

What captures your interest enough to take your mind off self-conscious thoughts? Do you like comedy, music or theatre? Do you like museums, art, science or animals? Start with setting an easier goal, such as visiting the library for 1 hour, then 2 hours at a time. When you get used to a routine, it may not trigger as much anxiety. Then work your way up to goals that may require more effort or more practice to feel comfortable.

If it helps, keep a diary to record your successes. And reward yourself with a treat when you meet or exceed your goal. The point is to replace negative anxious associations with positive associations. So that when you think about social situations you remember enjoying that moment, not fearing it. So for every negative memory you have, these will need to be replaced with positive memories instead.

If you have one other friend you can come up with ideas to try together. And please spoil yourself (especially on bad days!) so you remember good feelings instead of just the negative stuff.

2006-11-12 12:16:34 · answer #2 · answered by emilynghiem 5 · 0 0

I'm almost 29 and don't drink. Never have. I've never had a problem being social when I want to. Take your own drink and keep it in your hand at all times if you are going to a party where you don't know and trust everyone there. It's just not a big deal. Be prepared to say "no thanks" a lot, but the vast majority of people won't pressure you.

2016-03-19 06:49:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I was the same way in high school and to make it worse I was also the "the jock". I found out later people just thought I was stuck up. Even my own team mates Anyway, I attacked it head on and forced myself into situations. Once I realized I had something valuable to offer to a conversation or a group setting it became easier to socialize. In my case I tried stand up comedy on amatuer nights. I bombed the first few times but started to get the hang of it and each time became more comfortable in front of a group.

2006-11-12 01:01:42 · answer #4 · answered by father of 4 husband of 1 3 · 0 0

Why do people think shyness is a disease? On the converse, what would you call someone who can't shut their mouth for more than 8 seconds at a time? Geez. No wonder some people don't want to socialize.

2006-11-12 00:59:46 · answer #5 · answered by Chuck Dhue 4 · 0 1

Long, long ago, a ferocious dragon, named Fear, lived on a hill outside a tiny villiage. Everyone was terrified. One day a boy decided to face the mighty dragon, though everyone knew he would be killed. The boy trembled as he climbed the hill, but refused to turn back. The closer he got to the dragon, the softer it's roars became, and the smaller it looked. Until finally, when he stood beside it, the dragon was so small the boy picked it up in his hand and carried it back home.
The only way to overcome fear, is to face it.

2006-11-12 01:18:52 · answer #6 · answered by who_me? 2 · 2 0

Overcome Social Anxiety And Shyness - http://tinyurl.com/8PYoTYWWwc

2015-09-25 16:37:35 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0 0

One step at a time. Little by little does it. Try with groups of two, then three and then 5 and so forth.

2006-11-12 05:07:43 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 0 0

i had that problem before you need to see a doc. and a therapist it's very heard thing to deal with and most people don't understand it. you also have to make your self go out . start with some where that hasn't got allot of people first then work up to doing your normal stuff you did before.

2006-11-12 01:06:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

first believe in ur self.i was like u.i never used to talk to anyone ,i used to avoid social gatherings.but as i grew my self esteem went up,now im here.i can talk to anyone,.talk in front of mirror.look&believe that ur smart,intelligent&capable.above all believe that u can overcome this [self efficacy].so,enjoy life.by the way it is a step by step process.believe in ur self &face life full ahead.

2006-11-12 12:11:13 · answer #10 · answered by arthi_msm 1 · 1 0

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