as a single parent....?

Question

i feel very trapped and alone. i have plenty of friends which is nice however none of them have children and always go out and don't think to invite me. i feel so alone and sometimes feel like giving my children up to give them the good life they deserve and me the life i'm craving. some1 please help i don't want to loose my children

Answer 1

my heart goes out to you. they are presuming you are under lock and key. arrange ababysitter and let your friends know that your not tied down with kids and that you can have just as much fun. and for one you are blessed with having children anyway and that is something they havent got! you need time for yourself like i said arrange ababysitter and get out there!!

Answer 2

I'm in the same boat except I haven't any friends either. I moved to a completely different area when my marriage broke up and my friends live miles away now and I don't drive. I have an 8 year old daughter and a 17 month old son. I moved when I was 9 weeks pregnant so it's been two years now. I just get on with it, I rarely think about it now. I gave birth without a birthing partner and I know that I'm alone and right now there is no way out of it. I'm not much help but it sounds like there could be a friend that might babysit for you one night to let you free. I haven't got that so if I were you I'd make the most of it, be cheeky and ask or you'll get stuck in a rut and not want to go out at all. Giving your kids up so you can go and have a laugh isn't the answer.

Answer 3

Being a single parent is very hard! First: Don't let this get you down. You can have a social life and be a mommy. Second: Remember your children are a gift to you and you are a gift to them. The most important person they have is you. You need to take care of their mommy, physically and mentally.

It is hard sometimes to be friends with single people who don't understand. But it is not impossible. You just to take the initiative. Arrange for a sitter. (Your mother, a sibling, cousin. Or when their dad has visitation, if that is an option.) Then plan a night out. Invite all your friends. Option two: Throw a party at your house. Plan it for after your children are asleep and limit the alcohol. If you have a basement to use, that would great!

Try expanding your social circle to include other parents. I attended a local mommies group (before I moved) where I was able to meet other moms. They provided free childcare. So both my son and I got to make friends. There should be something similar in your area. Try checking at government agencies for advertisements. Or contact your local library for story-time. While you're there with your children, start talking to the other parents.
Another option, if your children are in daycare or school, is to try to befriend the parents of child's friends. (This severs a duel purpose really. You get to make friends and know what type of environment your children are in when they visit.)

I hope that helps. Hang in there. Feel free to email me. Best wishes and take care.

Answer 4

You are the lucky one, having children of your own is an experience that some people never have. Your children will give you unconditional love forever which i'm sorry to say friends will not. If your friends never think to invite you out now and again then they are very selfish and unkind. They could maybe take it in turns to babysit to give you a chance of fun. But believe me you are better off having fun with your children than so called friends. Good luck.

Answer 5

There must have been a reason that you decided to have your kids.... it is only natural to feel lonely especially by the sounds of it you are the only person with kids in your social circle. Before drastic measures eg giving you children up... why not join a local single mothers group? you can also ring your local library as they sometimes have a arts n craft day a week and you can mingle with the mums while you kids have fun making things.... dont give up ! You are the best thing for your kids...

Answer 6

It's hard isn't it, our lives are consumed with our little ones. No doubt you love them, but i can sympathise being a mother 24/7 without the relief a partner can bring is the most sacrificing work i know of.
You are doing a great job hon. Its hardest when your children are young it does get easier as they grow older and best of all you grow with them.
You may not get the instant result you are wanting or needing, but going to playgroups can get you into contact with other like minded women, and of course like others suggested a trusted babysitter.
When you have children your thoughts instantly change, you may find as time goes on that you loose contact with some of your friends as your lives take different paths.
The best advice i could offer from one single mama to another is network, you have to get out into your community and utelise all the support and support groups that are out there, keep yourself from being isolated.
These feeelings of being trapped will past, hon you will once again find your self and your freedom even with your kiddies


:)

Answer 7

i know just how you feel. i was in the same position about 6 years ago and became so depressed i attempted suicide and my mother cared for my children for the next 4 years. i got to go out as many times as i wanted and lived the life most of my other 20 something childless friends were living. it got really boring and there was a hole in my life that nothing could fill. even though i was lucky and my parents were brilliant my life has only felt complete once i sorted my life out and my children came back to live with me. they have been back 3 years now and i hardly go out but i really don't miss it. i look at my so called friends who have basically lost interest once i stopped being the party girl and i can see how superficial their friendship was. i have 2 fantastic friends (with children) whom i met at the school. my best friend is the mother of my daughter's best friend. i feel happier now than i've ever been and my children give me joy every day. i could strangle them sometimes but i've never regretted my decision to have them back.
friends come and go but your children will always love you no matter what you do and will always be a part of you. its hard to enjoy yourself with a guilty conscience as i found out over 4 years. i've been a single mum and worked full time since they came back and i feel i've earned my pride and self respect back. i barely recognize the person i was who would cry all night if i couldn't get a babysitter and go out. its important to have your own life away from your children or its easy to feel trapped but giving up your children on a permanent basis really isn't the answer. if you don't know any babysitters try the local college for childcare students. i have 2 fantastic girls who babysit for me as experience for their course. i would say though that you should find some friends in a similar situation to you so you can have a good moan about things and they know exactly where your coming from. lots of mums feel alone as it is hard to get out with young children but somewhere like gingerbread or toddler groups or school when they're older are full of women just like you. my heart really does go out to you as i can remember how it feels but it really will get better. loads of luck x

Answer 8

I know how you feel i've been there myself even though i have a very close family etc i still felt like an outsider and charity case. Don't give up your children as there the glue that will keep you sane and you love them dearly as they love you and you won't want to give that away for anything. Have you spoken to your friends or even organised a night out with your friends yourself as they prob think you don't want to go out etc,so talking to them will put them in the picture of how you feel etc. Have you thought of joining any clubs etc to get you out and social with other people who are in the same situation as you or social things you like to do. Or even join a dating/friendship agency as you can make friends with people on there and you don't have to date them just talk online through the agency. As you said also that your friends have no children so what age are you could you go back to college etc and get yourself out and meet people that way do a course etc you want to do as there are free courses out there aswell. You have to decide what you want at the end of the day and how would you cope without your children i know i couldn't give up on mine and i was a single parent for a while and i had to learn to be a mum and put myself first on a lot of things but still put my kids top of the list and get my life back.

Answer 9

Hi, there are lots of single parents out there, including myself! Be assured that you are not alone. Join SinglewithChildren if you live in NSW Australia. They are a non-profit organisation, run by volunteers, that provides adult and family social activities and functions every week. These functions are catered for single parents and their children within the Sydney and Central Coast areas. They have LOTS of children function.
More information on our group is at www.singlewithchildren.com.au

Answer 10

Get out the phone book and look for Parents Without Partners. They have activities for you with children and without your children.

The good life you want for your children is with a mom who is whole and healthy. Being a single parent can be challenging, ok, it can be downright lonely. You need people who understand where you are in life. No one knows that better than a single parent. Good luck.

Answer 11

I sympathize......My husband works long shifts and when he is home hes wrapped up in himself. I have four kids, where most of my friends have one or two, which means i rarely have time or money, not to mention energy to socialize. So over time, most of them have just blown me off. I had planned a halloween party,(i have one every year) and then i realized i hadnt seen any of my friends socially since my fourth of july party(again an annual thing)furthermore, i only SEE half of them at all when i have a party. Which are always great, i have to say, i put in max effort and am a great hostess.
So i can understand the loneliness you mean. You feel out of touch, and like everything important is happening without you. Just dig your heels in and wait it out tho. As they get older and start to socialize themselves, you'll be found with time to spare and then can revitalize your social life. Dont give them up. They will hate you forever and you'll always be haunted. Its no easy answer. Having kids is a sacrifice, no matter who you are, single or married, rich or poor. Your life has to wait, sweetie, and as far as giving your kids the life they deserve............if you think being shafted around the system and possibly put into abusive foster homes, unless theyre very young(nearly new born) they stand a poor chance of being permanently adopted.