How would you feel and what would you do if this was your situation?

Question

Your hubby who was stiil burned from previous relationship goes to visit his old flame a few weeks before wedding you.does lord knows what with her,brings the girl to his parents home,spends time there like you don't exist.The mother was OVERLY involved in this situation...This was almost 4yrs ago and you've built an o.k. relationship with the mom but still dont 100%trust her intentions..You hear that the mother continued to speak to this girl even after hubby did.That she got ahold of girl's number and called her on several occasions for who knows how long after the two of you were married(for all you know she could still be communicating with her).This woman has behaved like she loves you and your child with her son dearly.......................If you found this was true,what would you do?What would you be thinking?

I didnt know about any of this until after

I DIDNT KNOW HE EVEN CONTACTED HER UNTIL WAY AFTER WE WERE ALREADY MARRIED!I THOUGHT SHE WAS ANCIENT HISTORY UNTIL I HEARD ABOUT THE VISIT.

Answer 1

If this happened to me I would feel very betrayed by my husband or (future husband at that time) if he had went to visit and old flame before our wedding, and IF I did still decide after that to stand at the alter with him, that is probably all I would be able to think about. I would also feel betrayed by his mother, she needs to grow up, her son is not with that other women anymore, he is with you, and the two of you have a child together, she should not have even allowed for the other women to be inside her home knowing that her son has a commitment to you. I think that is very tacky as a mother. She should be trying to build a relationship with you not, hunting down her son's ex-flames telephone # I would not trust her or him. Be careful and don't be taken for a fool by these people. The mother sounds scandelous and I would keep an eye out for your husband because if he is ok with his mother and her on going relationship with his ex, and is not trying to tell his mom that she should have a little more respect for you and your relationship with him, then maybe something may be going on, or there is strong possibility that something could go on.

Answer 2

Well this is one visit. He married you and sounds like your relationship with him is ok now. Maybe had to have closure or something? I'd be mad, but not at mother in law. He took the girl there, what was the mother in law to do? Especially if she had a friendship with the girl. You can't pick her friends. And she can still love you and your son dearly while having friends. She has given you no reason to think otherwise. If she was rude and disrespectful to you and your child that would be different. I don't think you have anything to worry about. It sounds like your husband and your mother in law love you. Be confident in that, don't bring yourself down to create drama about this other woman. My husband and My ex husband are BEST FRIENDS NOW. My son (shared with first husband) is so balanced and unstressed over the relationship I have with his father. He sees how much we love him by getting along. We share a child. His step mother and I talk for hours on the phone, spend time together. You have to get over that stuff and grow up. SPend energy on stuff that is important. It really shows your lack of self-esteem when you worry about who is friends with someone you don't like. THere must be a reason you feel threatened this long into the game. Figure that out.

Answer 3

Well,well - you just answered yourself. Read your question, your smart, you know what to do! My opinion is just that, mine and I could be way off base, but this mother-in-law still is suffering the loss of her lst daughter-in-law. She has never come to grips as to why her son divorced her. The mother liked/loved her. Until she lets go of the lst one, you have no standing in her mind, you are Just the Mother of her son's child. She doesn't look at you as his wife. She is still hoping the lst daughter-in-law returns to the fold.And to be brutally honest to you... I would have NOT married him when you found out about the visit to the old wife, just before you got married. Believe me, they did more then visit. He was testing the old water, just to be sure! I don't think you have trusted him ever since. The foundation of the marriage,relationship is TRUST and without it, this relationship is doomed to fail. Save yourself now, while your still young and strong. Don't fall pray to an uncaring,selfish husband, and a mother-in-law that never wanted you in the first place. Grab your child, get everything you can and be Much More Careful when choosing your next partner. Always remember this: - "What you See in the Parents, you will find in their children, Personified!" - the Apple doesn't fall far from the tree! Good Luck, and get out of this relationship. Move on.

Answer 4

Just because her son broke up with the other girl and married you doesn't mean that his mom has to give up her friendship with the girl.Your husband has no control over the people his mom talks to! Although I understand what you're saying,It would make me upset too. But your best bet is to act as though it doesn't bother you because if there is a plot going on and you argue with your husband over it,Then the other gal and his mom have accomplished what they were want ting to do,,,, cause trouble between you and your hubby. "If that is what they were doing" But they are probably just friends!

Answer 5

Honestly,if I was going to marry someone that went over to his old flames house a few weeks before the wedding,I would not marry him. It's so wrong and the mother keeping in touch with her is wrong also.There is no reason for it.

Answer 6

I personally never would have married my BF if he did that. Pure disrespect as far as I am concerned.

If your relationship with your husband is decent, then I wouldn't worry about his Mom. Basically be nice and friendly, but keep interaction limited.

I do wonder though, how she got the girl's number? If from your husband, I think you should be more worried about that.

Answer 7

wow i'm not suprised she sounds like [the mum] needs to realise you're with her son. I doubt shed be happy i she was with him. shes probably controllin and likes it to be her way. I wonder why you married this guy if he did that to you just before your wedding you need to tell your husband and mother in law that the contact has got to stop.It's ridiculous. you are her daughter in law and you are his wife so make sure they respect that or leavve him and take your child outof the situation as it's bound to end in tears anyway. i think you're far too patient good luck

Answer 8

I feel that I'm in the same situation, except that I've been with her son for 16 years. Good luck as it's not very nice to feel as though you are not truly accepted. But I think that's the case.

Answer 9

if your mother in law treats you and your child lovingly and with respect, maybe you just need to accept that she likes the other woman too. they can be friends. as long as the in law is not trying to parade the other woman in front of your husband, trying to force them to be together, dont sweat it. he chose you right?

Answer 10

He has lied, he has cheated and he has let his momma lead him by the ear, my question to you is why are you still there? Move on and get out of that drama box!