Am i being unfair or selfish or just realistic?

Question

To cut a long story short...

There's a guy who has liked me for about 6 months but i didn't feel i felt strong enough towards him to make a relationship worth while. But now my feelings have changed, and i do like him, more than i realised (and all it took was our first argument!).

But i'm in year 12 and i'm almost finished high school, only have exams left. He is in year 11 and lives about half a hour away. The thing is...

I don't know what is happening nexy year. I might be moving away for uni, could end up travelling, or going interstate. This is why i'm staying away from a relationship because i don't want to have something great and then just have to lose it all. I thought i don't wanna break his heart but if i do i don't want it to be from breaking off a realstionship.

Am i being unfair to him? i haven't told him this reason exactly. I just told him at the moment i can't have a relationships. He said he's willing to wait for as long as i need... but is it selfish?

Answer 1

No, you are most definitely being fair and unselfish. However, I can understand how this relationship would turn sour if you led him on, which I don't think you intend to do... but can sometimes happen accidentally (I speak from experience!). Make sure that you understand your feelings and that he expresses himself to you truly. Maybe you can agree to not have an orthodox "relationship." Afterall, we are in a new century, brinking on the 7th year, and the possibilities are endless! Maybe you can just 'date,' go to movies, dinner, coffee, have fun together... but just not with all the strings attached that the word 'relationship' attaches! Then, if you both enjoy each other's company you can decide later what to do... it'd be pointless to miss out on the wonderful opportunities and feelings that you'll encounter in a relationship, even if it does only last for a little while. But that's the thing about relationships, friends, love...they come and go and there's really nothing we can do about it except enjoy every minute of the present. Avoiding the future is hard, and you'll have some decision-making to do come uni time, but just let that wait. Don't stress too much about the future! It's waiting for you, don't wait for it. If you end up falling head over heels, you'll both figure out a way to work it out (I speak from experience!).

Hope that helps!!

Answer 2

If he's really a good man, go for him. Having a long distance relationship has many benefits, been there done that. Believe me. My boyfriend (now my husband) was in another country, we're separated by thousand miles away and only met 1-2x a year. Many people also admit that LDR has many benefits. Don't be afraid of that. Yes, it's painful not to be able with your loved one as much as you can, but a true relationship isn't only physical. Good men are hard to find. When you've found one, be thankful and maintain the relationship to your best efforts.

Answer 3

It's cowardice if you don't tell him everything. It's also unfair if you don't even let him have a say in the matter after informing him accordingly. It's selfish if you care so much about your own feelings that you'd rather not tell him and be truthful. And it's realistic to think what your thinking. Just tell him, then you'll be being realistic and fair.

Answer 4

Unfair!

Answer 5

Hun...what you are doing is fine...you were honest with him but you need to tell him the exact reason...and make your decision up soon...dont make him wait forever.....good luck hun

Answer 6

Any relationship needs building on honesty and trust.

Start from there.

Answer 7

It is better to of loved and lost
than never loved at all

and you never know it could all work out

Answer 8

I'd say you're being realistic but you should tell him your real reason

Answer 9

tell him every thing you havr told the rest of the world

Answer 10

he is boy, the moment you his uni you will be with young men , you will drop him anyway do it now