suggestion please?

Question

What do you think about this situation?

Maybe I might call myself as a breadwinner because I am sending finances to my parents, my sister and brother, even they have a family already. My big brother does not have work, and at his age, he tried different things to get a job, but until now nothing.. Last week Ive called my father to check how things going and just to find out that the allowance Ive sent to them is already finished. Reason...my father put the money for the fixing of the ceilings. Ive sent again money again for them and early in the morning Ive received a txt from my brother that he was borrowing money to me for his wife to make business. I told him many times that I am going on vacation and this will not be paid by the company, in short they need to mellow on expenses..

The dillema is this:

I think my brother is depending on me too much and I feel aggravated about not helping where in fact I still have money on my account but I am saving it for my family just in

case for the sake of my own family. I do have a son also..

What do you think is the best approach I can give to them without hurting anyone to tell that I am really tired of helping them?

Is it really bad not to help sometimes?

I am really tired of helping them honestly, but my mind is guilty..knowing I am able to help them..God give me a wonderful job, I dont know if this is his reason why he gave me this things..To help forever?

Answer 1

I think you need to quit paying everyone elses bills and expenses and worry about your own before you go broke. I can understand helping out your parents but your whole family?? That is a little ridiculous i would tell my brother to get off his butt and get a job cuz I'm not going to support him!!!

Answer 2

What country do they live in?if the rest of your family live torether they should put threre $ together and sort there own sh*t out.If you still feel the need to send them money ask for what but if its for bills they should show you on paper indetail for what how much they put aside for such bills.They need to show you a buget so you can absord some of the nessasery bills but let them buy there own possesions.Also you could put money in a supermarket card that way your not handing over cash.Try to keep all your record a look at them every 2months.Visa debit cards are good coz if there is no money in there bad luck.Tie half of your money up in a saving account with the bank that way you will have less in your normal card that way you can say your abit short this month. make shure that none of the accounts are linked

Answer 3

I envy the fact that you can afford to do this, but you are being taken advantage of. Tell your brother and his wife to get a job and that you can no longer support them. They are grown and you do not owe them. Form now on, make any money exchanges a loan and if and when they ask for more, tell them that you can't lend anymore out until you are repaid, that you are short on money yourself. Only YOU can put a stop to this. I know that you love them, but don't let them walk all over you anymore. They will probably be offended and angry but they are supposed to love you also and if they do, they will understand and get over it. Hold your ground and stand firm. They will try to make you feel guilty also but as long as you give, they will take. Good Luck!!! You will need it!!

Answer 4

You are being used dear. It is call co-dependent and you are the chef enabler. You might want to still help your parents but set a limited on how much to send them and only once a month.
But it is time to let your brother learn to care for his own family. This will be good for him.
You have a son. Your son and you must come first. It is your responsibility to take care of your son and yourself before anyone else.

Answer 5

Help your family when you can.But try to stop helping them for few months and see what happen.I did the same.I send money to my family for many months.One day I stopped to send money monthly,because they started to depend on me.Now everything is okay.I send money to them,when I want and when I can.But they do not depend on me anymore.Good luck.

Answer 6

listen, it's not your problem if your brother doesn't have a job. he is your brother, yes, but he needs to learn to rely on himself more than on you. remind him that you have loaned him money for a while, but now he needs to learn independence. and he needs to work harder to find a job - any job!

it's fine to not help sometimes! people who put others way above themselves can end up giving themselves panic attacks if they don't feel like they're living up to others' standards (i know b/c this happened to me). i've learned that you can't please everybody...somebody's going to be hurt initially, but later i think they will be happier that they won't have to rely on you for money.

Answer 7

wow! you should let everyone know that you have a life to! tell your brother to get ff his *** and go get a job!- its not fair f him, he is just gane keep on depending on you. you need to show him that your not always gane be there for him. you need to tell evryone that.