help copeing with a boyfriend with drug addiction?

Question

ok, my boyfriend entered rehab 2 days ago. not because he feels like he has a problem, but because its that or go to jail/probation. today was family day and group therapy and i got really involved in the disscussion... i cried and said excatly how i feel. everone was really supporting because alot of them had been there with their loved one. well i asked him how he thought he meeting went and he said "its all crap.'" he doesnt think he has a problem, so i'm scared he isnt gonna get anything out of it. has anyone been in this situation? i need to know if there is hope. will he come around in the next 26 days hes in there or remain uninterested. i told him i tought it was good, and he said well mabey i'm the one who needs to be there. i dont use drugs, he does, hes the one with the problem... i really just need someone who has been there that i can talk to. please help!!! any online discussion groups you know of could be helpful, but i can only chat at night. thanks

Answer 1

There is nothing you can do to make him quit using drugs. Only he can do that. The only thing you can do is take care of yourself. The best advice I can give you is for you to attend Al-anon meetings in your area. They are for family and friends of those with addictions. It is a great load lifted off of your shoulders when you meet others with the same problem and you realize that you are not the only one. I know from experience and I don't know where I would be right now if I hadn't found Al-anon. You can go on-line and find the nearest meeting place and times. My prayers are with you and your loved one.

Answer 2

I know that you care about him and want to help him. Being there for him when he won't admit that he has a problem, though, is enabling him to continue with his addiction. You need to move on and get out of this relationship as soon as possible. A family member of mine, who I am VERY close with, was a heroine addict. This person refused to quit, begged for money all the time for their habit once it got really bad. I finally told them that I did not want to see them until they had quit doing drugs. Lo and behold, that person stopped coming around because the drugs were more important than their family member. Drugs turn people into someone who they are not. My family member finally went to jail for a year, and that is how they cleaned up. They are now clean after many years.

It took a LOT of courage to turn someone I loved away, knowing that they could be found OD'd somewhere, but I had to finally start taking care of ME, and that's what you need to do. If you do not do drugs, do not believe in doing drugs, than what are you doing with this guy? This sounds like a co-dependance thing. I, too, always felt the need to take care of people, especially men with problems. I dated a pot-head for a very long time, hoping to help him get over his pain, etc... We, as women can not solve a man's problems. They have to solve them themselves in order to be any good in a relationship.

Move on before it becomes a huge mess. It will be hard, you will cry, it will hurt tremendously, but not more than it will as the years go by and he still hasn't quit doing drugs.

Think of yourself first. IT's ok to be selfish, in fact, it's important to be.

Good luck, and PLEASE take the advice of the people on here who have been there.

Answer 3

Hmm.. this a tough one... but it doesn't seem your boyfriend is ready to quit. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink it. If it's not in his heart to change, he won't. But you can explain to him why *he* should want to quit. List all the things that his drug use affects (his ability to get a job, his relationship with you, his mood, his relationship with his family, how it affects the ones he loves, trouble with the law, etc.) You can only try to show him the problem, since he doesn't think there is one.

The last thing you can do is give him an ultimatum, and stick to it. Tell him you love him, but you don't want to be with someone who uses drugs (and list your reasons.) Ask him to quit.... and if he doesn't, leave. By staying with him you are enabling him. He will never change until he sees that drugs affect his life *negatively* and he decides to do something about it.

You might also try to talk to him about *why* he uses drugs... Is it just addiction or does he feel he needs it to escape or whatever? What is it that he enjoys about using drugs? If he likes it, and doesn't want to give it up, I'm afraid there's little you can do. Just let him know the consequences.

I suggest you join a support group for family of loved ones with addictions. It's a tough situation to see someone you love destroy themselves, and you need support.

Answer 4

WALK AWAY from this relationship right now -- he is UNWILLING to take responsibility for his Actions -- including his Drug Addictions.

The situation is NOT going to get better at all for the relationship or you. He will CONTINUE to use you while addicted, and while using. He will NOT put forth any effort to change, because you are buying the lines he is feeding you, and he knows that you are there right now and have no intention of leaving at this time.

YOU will never be safe in this home. God forbid if there is ever a child conceived of this relationship -- do you want a future child endangered because of the father's drug use?

Answer 5

When you are talking about drug addiction it helps to be more specific. If he is a coke head or a crack head he will need help. Very few people can break free of a cocaine addiction on their own. If he is one of those guys that uses anything and everything you are better off distancing yourself from him until he bottoms out. Maybe it is the crowd he is hanging around, it makes a difference. On the other hand if he is just drinking and doing a few bongs with his outcast buddies, he may grow out of it.

Answer 6

Hiding them isn't a good thought. If he relies upon upon them, hiding them or destroying them will in basic terms make him indignant, that should result on your getting harm. regrettably, you are able to not shop somebody who would not prefer to be saved. you are able to try chatting with him - telling him which you refuse (specific, use this be conscious) to be with somebody who's on drugs, in any way. tell him that if he cares approximately your relationship, he will provide up doing the medicine that are destroying his physique. If he can not provide up on his very own, get him into counseling. maximum probable, what's going to take place with war of words are 2 issues - he will comprehend he's going to lose you (not prefer to) and straighten up. Or, he will fly off the cope with back and inform you to wander off. i understand you in all possibility do not prefer to lose him, through fact you're at here attempting to assist him, yet on an identical time...you at the instant are not that style of guy or woman...do you truthfully need to maintain a relationship with somebody like that? you are able to not replace him or fix him. look at him as he's (somebody incredibly tousled) - you do not want a guy or woman like that throughout the time of your existence... good good fortune

Answer 7

Until HE sees that he has a problem no one can help him. It's all up to him. You can do nothing for him. The best thing that you can do is to end it with him and move on with your life.

Answer 8

get out while you can before he drags you down with him. he may stop for awhile, but you will always have to watch him & who he hangs with. you can do better. you aren't married to him yet. Run.

Answer 9

LEAVE WELL YOU CAN. YOU CANNOT HELP SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T SEE THEY HAVE A PROBLEM. EVALUATE WHY YOU ARE SUBJECTING YOUR SELF TO SUCH THINGS. MAYBE YOU NEED COUNSELING.