Is it so wrong to want a child this bad?

Question

Our son died...and I want another baby. We can't have anymore, and our son was our only one. I was a mother, and then I wasn't...and I can't stop being a mom. Adoption is virtually impossible, and very expensive, and such a long process. We have SO much to offer a child. I have been on waiting lists, and paid application fees and lawyers fees that cost hundreds... I feel like the "good" agencies, lawyers, and social workers just take advantage of a couples need to be parents. I am emotionally exhausted...

Should we give up?

Answer 1

Don't ever give up. You will be a mother. And believe it or not you still are a mother. Just because your baby dies does not change anything. You will be a mother for the rest of your life. And that goes whether you are taking care of him or not. But i understand your want to have somebody that needs you. You will find that. Please don't give up and have faith in God, he will see you through this.

Answer 2

I wouldn't give up.Anything can happen.I'm sorry for your loss,But about adoption, it doesn't have to be expensive.The longest thing is the paperwork, which my parents filled out in about 8 hrs.You don't have to have an agency.If you find a women who doesn't want her unborn child you and your regular lawyer can arrange the whole thing before the child is born.Like I said you really don't need a adoption lawyer, just make sure your lawyer knows a bit about adoption.If you have an open adoption like I mentioned, then all you pay is court cost and lawyers fees.Most mothers who can't raise the child are on a medical card, but you might have to pay some medical bills.You can also consider becoming a foster parent.My parents have been for 8 1/2 yrs.Good Luck DON'T give up.

Answer 3

My heart goes out to you!! Just because you lost your son does not mean you are nolonger a mother, you are a mother and will always be a mother regardless.
Have you thought about adopting an older child? There are so many that need a good home and a good family!! The baby thing is sooooo over rated! Also try adoption from other countries, I heard adopting from south america is fairly easy. But honestly there are so many children in this country over the age of 2 that need good loving homes with good loving parents.
But, remeber and I know you already know this, no other child will take the place of your beloved baby. Carry his memory in your heart forever and treat your next child as another one of your children and not to take his place.
Wishing you all the best!

Answer 4

No Never give up... I'm so sorry for your loss I know how it feels to be the happiest you can be as a mother then have it all taken away in an instant. but check into being a foster parent they have this one stop fostering where you can take in a child and with in months adopt these are cases where they know that the parent will never get full custody again. I have a family friend who is baron and she has 4 wonderful children all of which she adopted being a one stop foster parent the youngest being 6 months. this adoptions is a lot less expensive and more likely to happen. Check into it before giving up

Answer 5

I am sorry to hear that you have lost a child. That has to be the GREATEST pain that anyone would have to experience in life. Please know a child can not replace the 1st one you lost. I am the result of that experience. My parents lost a child before me, and had me to help with the loss. I grew up never forgetting how I was there only to replace the 1st child and how I would never have been here if he had not have died. My mom always told me that, and my dad said that he could look at that child and see how smart he was, much smarter than I was. Not that I am not smart, I was identified gifted in elementary and got straight A's. But my parents never really raised me. I spent more time bouncing back and forth between my grandmothers. My mom told me a couple of years ago (I am now 30 yrs old) that because she was pushed into having me, she feel they they should have been responsible for me.

You should try to get over your grief first. Would you have wanted another child if your son had not have died? That kind of loss is unimaginable!! But just like in a relationship, you have to allow yourself to heal before you can start something new.

In my opinion (and it is just that, my opinion) you should try to be a foster parent. There are so many kids that need the kind of love that you can offer. It is easier to adopt a foster child than going the route you are trying to right now.

My friend never had kids. She never told me why, although I know that she has been pregnant many time while we were teen agers. She wanted a child of her own so badly, but one day she chose to be a foster mother until then. She got a child right from the hospital, and had him ever since. He is now hers, because she adopted him when he was about 18 months old. She actually gets money every month and medical insurance for him, in spite of the fact that she adopted him. I dont even get child support from my ex husband for our daughter!

My daughter is now 8 yrs old, and I have had the urge to have another child, but I believe if i have another child, it will be a foster child that I adopt. It seems scary, because you think you could lose the child. But in all honesty, there are so many kids just left in the foster care system, with no hopes of their parents coming back for them.

Dont give up, just know that there are other venues...and you have to keep an open mind if you REALLY want a child. The process to become foster parents isn't really that long...which is kind of scary because in all honesty there is such a need for foster parents some of these kids are placed in homes that are unstable and unhealthy only because someone wants a check. That is on

e reason I was considering it because maybe I can help 1 child...I cant save the world, but maybe I can save one. Foster kids are more in need of love, than housing...in all honesty they have housing at a group home. It is the love and stability that most of them need.

If you have that much love to give, I am sure there are so many kids that need it much more than you need to fill the void for your loss.

Good Luck, and GOD bless...

Answer 6

No, it is not wrong to want a child so badly - and I send you my most sincere empathy on the loss of your child. There is a quote I once heard, and I'm sure I'm going to screw it up, but it was by "Anonymous" so I hope he/she doesn't take offense, but basically it is this - and it concerns surrendering to faith/hope: When you come to the end of all you know for certain, and you're hanging out there on the edge - one of 2 things can happen. You may discover the courage to leap - or find you have the wings to fly. Now, with that said, I'd like to share that I was in that place where hope all seemed lost -- and still desperately wishing for another child. My spouse was considered "too old" at 40 to adopt, and other agencies were just too expensive. We became foster parents, yet were told over and over and over -- don't get your hopes up - don't assume anything -- they even told our training class that they wouldn't place children in families where they thought the people would want to adopt the children, for fear they would become overly attached, and unable to return them when their stay was complete. We were told to expect older children, and when I answered the door, there was a baby - and shortly after this infant came to live with us, the birth mother met us and was thrilled with the care we provided, and asked us whether we would ever, under any circumstance consider adopting a child........I couldn't believe it. It was proof that this journey was necessary, and important - why? because it caused us to examine our wishes, our purpose, our feelings & faith. Without the considerable "low", the true gift of the "high" could not be known for the joy it truly is. Therefore, I'm here to say, that anything can happen if you are willing to allow hope back into your lives. It may not come in the way you expect it or plan it -- maybe if you just let go of trying to control it, and release your wish out there into the cosmos -- even asking your angel son to work wonders from his place in the heavens -- you just may be very surprised by who might come your way. I wish you well! Good luck!

PS - the cost to adopt our miracle baby? $10 - for paperwork.

Answer 7

State adoptions are a great option and are generally not NEARLY as expensive as private adoptions. Depending on what state you live in they are relatively simple procedures as well. You do have to go through home visits, but frankly, everyone who has children should, I think. Also, the ability to give a child a home who might otherwise not have had a fighting chance is certainly a worthy goal.. there are too many kids out there without parents to love them... especially when there are people who want kids out there. We have two sets of friends who went the state route, one ended up with a beautiful baby girl and the other with a toddler... they are both immensely happy and suggest it to everyone.

Sincerely, you should check out state adoptions in your state, most even have websites you can look at for information right from home...

Good luck to you, no matter what you do... :)

Answer 8

Perhaps you should try to foster a child.

I know that what you said is that you want a baby, but you may find it's cheaper and easier to foster or adopt and older child. You'll still get to be a mom.

I'm incredibly sorry for your loss. I lost a child too, and it was the most painful and yet invisible thing to the world at large. We have a term for orphans, but none for parents of children who have passed.
Sometimes it helps to help others, with or without kids, but mostly I think that what helps is to "baby" yourself as much as you can as you decide where your life will take you next.

Answer 9

First of all I am sorry to hear of your loss.
No it is not wrong to want a another child, it is your natural instinct telling you what to do.
Don't ever give up, just relax and keep the faith. You may not be able to adopt through regular avenues, but perhaps you could consider foster care? and even end up adopting through that channel?
Whatever happens don't give up you never know what may happen.
Good luck and don't give up.

Answer 10

Sorry to hear that. I don't know ur age - if u are in the reasonable age group why don't u try for a child of ur own? It is possible to reverse a "tubectomy" if u had undergone it. Forgive me if I sound like a preacher... I am just trying to ease ur pain... Probably u have tried everything... Have faith!! FAITH in anything u want will work wonders!! Keep the faith and pray..

All the best & peace be with u....