i want a second opinion on this one can you help?

Question

ok so i recently started dating a 21 year old mother of 2 and my dad doesnt really like the situation but theres not really much he can do about it since im just 4 months from 18 and basically i want reasurred that what im doing is ok and if it helps no we havnt had sex yet

well weve only technically been seeing each other for about 2-3 days but were pretty serious about each other and thats why we havnt had sex yet and i just thought id add that i just got home and i can still smell her perfume on my hands and its the sweetest smell ive ever smelled

Answer 1

no

Answer 2

I agree with your father. Although the age difference is only 3 years, but difference between a 21 year old and an 18 year old are huge. An 18 year old has lived at home their entire life and have not had to live on their own. A 21 year old has.
People do a lot of growing, changing, and maturing in this short years--18 is too young to settle down--you should experience more before you tie yourself to someone (especially with 2 kids). An 18 year old is just not ready for the responsibility that comes with having children or dating someone with children.

Answer 3

No one can reassure you that it's okay, because only you, your partner, and your father, know the circumstances and situation. But perhaps we could be more able to give you our opinions if you were to share more details about the situation.

But just remember one thing.... Older people, including the parents of children who kids think are so "un-cool", can, often times, see things because they have been down the very same road on which you are walking. I know that sounds so old and repeated by so many adults, but it really is true.... And I'm speaking from experience. I know what it's like to feel as though you love someone so much that you can't exist without him/her. Trust me... I am the epitome of getting obsessed, in love, infatuated, etc.... I know what it's like. Just try to keep an open mind and hear people out. You might find that they're making a tad bit of sense.

Answer 4

I can assure you that it's ok, but I can't assure you that what you are doing is wise. To attempt to do that, I would have to know everything about your and her past, everything about your and her present, and also be pretty good at predicting your and her future. And with all that knowledge, there's still a pretty good chance that I'd screw up in advising you.

The reason your parents are not cool on the idea is probably because they realize that the cost of raising a kid is somewhere in the neighborhood of $200,000. Seeing that the apple of your eye has two kids already, you'd be $400,000 in debt to start. I mean if you were to marry her today. I don't know how much money you have, but at the age of 17, I suspect not much. So, you need to ask yourself how long it will take you to earn $400,000 so that you'll be able to pay to raise her kids.

As for sex, she obviously likes it, but for some reason she doesn't seem interested in having it with you. You said you haven't had sex yet, right?

So, if she's not interested in having sex with you, what is she interested in? Have you contributed to the household in any way? Given her money, paid some bills, bought some groceries? Is money what she's looking for?

Are you starting to get the picture as to why your parents are not too cool on this idea of yours? Your parents are not trying to make your life miserable. They are probably just trying to keep you from doing things that will make it miserable. They probably just think you deserve better than what you probably will be getting yourself into if you continue with your plans.

For example, they may prefer the idea of your marrying a girl who will have your children instead of marrying a girl who has someone else's children. They may prefer that you continue with your education so that you get a great job that pays big bucks. They may also prefer that you marry a girl who has done the same, so that both of you can have great jobs and earn big bucks. They may wish that you and your wife are people who live the good life, rather than a not so good one.

You need to do some serious thinking, and to compare your parents motives and the apple of your eye's motives.

Personally, not knowing anymore that you've revealed so far in your question, I tend to think your parents are looking out for you and the apple of your eye is looking out for herself.

Answer 5

Man that is up to you on that one. But just think your not even 18 and your dating someone that already has kids. Don't you want to date some one your own age? Also if the dating becomes more serous then you not only have to worry about your self but her kids to. That is a lot of responsibly. Just think about that.

Answer 6

your dad is right.Dating a woman with 2 kids, is a serious compromise.you dad is thinking in your future.Remember those kids have a father.There are many cases like this.When children start to growing up,they will find the real father.But all is up to you.Think what different will be, If you are dating a woman without kids.So,if you marry her,you will have your own children.Good luck.Think well in your present and future time.

Answer 7

I'm not going to reflect on if its ok or not, but I do hope you know the responsibility that is going to arise from dating a girl with children. Your fairly young to be dealing with this and I hope you think this through, for both of your benefits. The general norm for how these kind of relationships turn out is not positive, but you can always be THAT one statistic.

Answer 8

Its a strong feeling, being with an older woman. You are young, and yes you are going to do what you want. Just be careful. And please don't ante too much of yourself into a new realationship. You may very well get hurt by this one. Take it easy, look at your emotions from an outside perspective the entire time, to be sure you aren't being irrational. And good luck.

Answer 9

Not good, unless you want to skip all the fun of your youth and be the father of her third kid.
Find someone single of your own age.
Let the 21 year old find someone older who can take care of a family.

Answer 10

Turn your back and run as fast as you can. You are too young to take on the responsibility of this ready made family. And don't have sex and add to the family.

Answer 11

because she has children your father is not happy with this, do what you want to do it's your life