How many people in society today believe you should actually get married before having a child?

Question

I am 30 married with a 2 year old daughter. I have three nieces on my husbands side 19 not married 2 kids, 21 not married 3 kids, and one that is 25 MARRIED with 2 kids. The one that is married and a little older has a much better life. The two that are NOT married are on every goverment handout you can think of. The 19year old was not sure of the father of the first kid and the 21 year old's boyfriend is serving a year in jail. I don't understand why people do this to their children. With all the choices in birth control how can you not plan better than this? I know there are divorced moms and widows that gave it their all for their marriages and families, but what I don't understand are the single girls that just continue to have babies, get handouts, don't take good care of their kids,and think that this is ok. Does anyone agree?

Thank for those that have answered as for the moms planning to get married, GREAT. And for the one that was on medicaid while pregnant you used the goverment help correctly use it in times of difficulty then get off. You sound like a great mom.

Answer 1

I agree with you. Marriage is an agreement between two people that is best solemnized by someone who oversees it (judge or minister) and witnessed by other people. The idea is to make sure the terms are clear and indisputable to third parties. Two people in love may not always be clearheaded enough to consider future consequences. True they may agree with each other, and may actually live together for the rest of their lives, but how many couples actually accomplish that?
Children born out of wedlock have no guarantee of parental commitment, but those born after marriage are born to parents who are committed to the future. This implies that the marriage is taken seriously. In most cases the children will know they were prepared for by loving parents, and not accidental afterthoughts.
Love, Stability, Security and Inter-reliance are the keywords when it comes to marriage.

Answer 2

I'm 20, 2 babies, engaged (not married) to the father of my children and have NEVER received a government handout. My fiance and I Both work and take very good care of our kids. The women you are speaking of sets a bad example for a young, unwed mother. Women like that send the message that if you get pregnant someone else will pick up the tab. I got pregnant with my first child while on birth control. At the time we were planning our wedding for around the time I was due. After we had her we figured we'd wait a while so she could have a part in our wedding when we had another suprise; my second birth control baby. I'm one of those people that is against welfare just because you have kids. Why should they get to stay home with their kids all day while I go to work and support them? It's not right. My fiance and I are once again planning our wedding. This time we are getting married even if I'm pregnant. This time next year, I will be a wife and no longer a fiance to someone. We may have went out of order a little bit, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I also have to add that I am VERY against abortion. There was no way in hell I would have had an abortion with either of my children.

Answer 3

I think everyone should live their live the way they want. I do think there are too many people who live off the government, but I don't think this has to do with getting married before having a child. The cause is that the government makes it way to easy for those who won't help themselves. How good really is a marriage in today's society? When you get married there is a 50/50 chance that you'll get a divorce. Marriage doesn't mean stability, it might have years ago, but not today. I've been married five years, and have a two year old son, so I am part of the "married before kids" crowd, but I don't pass judgment on those who didn't do it my way.

Answer 4

Marriage definately but my boyfriend and i were planning our wedding when i became pregnant so we did not marry until our son was four months so in some instances stuff happens but we had honorable intentions towards one another and it worked out..we have four kids now and more some day i hope more.On the flip side being married in no way means things will end up better for kids because some people get married and have babies like they are playing house and dont take **** seriously and just split when they are bored with the game.People need to realise kids or not toys but living beings who need love and direction and a normal world and how can they get that when neither parent cared enough about trying to build a strong family that consists of two married adults who's main interest is raising their kids the best they can.

Answer 5

You should not focus on how bad everyone is around you and accept the life the way it is or you will feellabove yourself and will always make your life a comparison.If your friends and family treat you and your daughter well and dont beg for money and cigarattes and beer then dont worry about there lives and how the world is so different than you .Most people marry and dont know there husbands like they thought they did.Having a child and being married doesnt always mean its better for the child .Especially if all they do is fight and drink and leave your child with whoever while you go out doing whatever. But if you have wonderful married life then thats great for the children and yes its the right thing to do.

Answer 6

I understand where you are coming from, but why are all single mothers on government assistance and bad mothers? Yes, some are on government assistance, but it's there for a reason. Just because they are on government assistance doesn't make them bad mothers. I am a single mother of one daughter and I was on medicaid when I was pregnant, but got a job with full benefits that took care of me and my daughter after she was born. Also, I met a wonderful man and we are planning on getting married next year on July 7, 2007, but before that we are having our first child together, so am I still a bad mother because I'm not married but in a committed long term(been together 3 years and counting) relationship? I know that there are bad single moms out there, but there are bad married moms out there, too. Just because you're single doesn't mean that you can't do the best for your child and it's the same for teenage moms, too. Yes, after some life experience you are better suited to parenthood, but young mothers are just as good at parenthood they just miss out on more of their lives. Although it won't matter to you, I must tell you that yes I was a single, young mom at 18, but that was due to being raped. I stepped up and took responsibility and have a beautiful 3 year old daughter as well as one on the way. The father is in jail where he deserves to be, and I've never received a penny in child support or government assistance, minus medicaid when I was pregnant. I'm also almost finished with my nursing degree and plan on going on to get my master's degree in Neonatal intensive care. Don't classify all young, single moms based on your opinions of your husband's nieces. Some of us are responsible, work, don't use government assistance, and do the best possible for our children.

Answer 7

Before I was married, I thought that people should be able to do what they want, married or not. However, now that I am married and have children, I see how much more stable their life is by having two married parents who are always there and providing for them. They have a male and a female influence in their lives.

Like Chris Rock said in relation to single parents, "You can steer a car using just your feet, but that doesn't make it a good ______ idea."

Answer 8

Every infant born, deserves to come into the world welcomed by a Mother and a Father who are in a stable committed marriage. This is how children have emotional security. It is a god given right. And when folks are immoral and have babies by all kinds of people....what a sad thing for that baby who has no choice what kind of situation they are born into.

Answer 9

I think it depends on the situation. I am married, my husband has one daughter from a previous relationship and we have one son together with another on the way. I am on Medi Cal for this pregnancy as we cant afford the extra costs of putting me on his insuracne. We had decided not to put me on his insuracne before I discovered I was expecting. We make little enough to qualify for this and also we could if we chose to get food stamps and cash aid. We choose not to, its a tough choice but we arnt hurting that bad as far as money is concerned and we have food to eat everyday. Would it help, heck yeah it would! I have recently started selling Avon to help give us some additonal money. My cousin on the other hand is an unwed mother. She made a tough decision to not only keep her child but to tell both her family and the babys father (all of whom were pressuring her into an abortion) that she was keeping the baby and if that ment welfare then so be it. The babys father dose not work, or support the baby. He dose live with them. She works as much as she can, goes to school and manages to take care of her daughter. She gets food stamps and cash aid. Right now she is supporting a family of 3 working at chucky cheese, I think she is doing a great job, even being on assistance. Hopefully the babys father will pull his head out of his butt, grow up and get a job and help support his family but i'm not holding my breath. She recently had another pregnancy scare despite being on birthcontrol and will have to have a d&c due to a partal tubual pregnancy/missed misscarrage. She will have to have time off work for this and if it wasnt for Medi Cal paying for the procedures and Welfare giving her cash aid she couldnt do that and that could have devestating consequences to her health. I think that instead of grouping people together like you did you need to see that government programs are ment to help. The ones who abuse it are sad creatures but that dosnt meen everyone on them is abusing the system.

Answer 10

Me!
Not necessarily for religious reasons, but I just think it's better for the parents and the child that way.

What's up with celebrities???They always seem to date, get pregnant, and then sometimes get married a few years later. Do they really get pregnant on purpose? You'd think they could afford some birth control!