wery long but is it funny?

Question

Think before you speak
Here are 6 reasons why you should think before you speak the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished you could take it back… here are the testimonials of a few people who did…

First testimony
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and 3 kid sin tow and asked loudly, how much do you charge for a shampoo and a *******? I turned around, walked back out and never went back. My husband did not say a word, he knew better!

Second testimony
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the womens type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking I looked at him and said, I think I like looking at mens balls.

Third testimony
My sister and I were at the mall and passed a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied no im just looking at your nuts. My sister staryed to laugh histerically the boy grined and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day my sister never let me forget.

Fourth testimony
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddle decided to release some pent up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab ahold of her after receiving looks of disgustand annoyance from other patrons.i told her that if she didn’t start behaving right now she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, if you don’t let me go right now, I will tell grandma that I saw you kissing daddys pee pee last night!! The silence was defening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard as the doors closed behind me were screams of laughter.

Fifth testimony
Have you ever asked a child too many times? My 3 year old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at taco bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my 7 month old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that danny had not asked to go potty in a while I asked him if he needed to go and he said no.i kept thinking oh lord that child has had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. So I asked one more time, danny did you have an accident? This time he jumped up yanked his pants down, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled, SEE MOM, ITS JUST FARTS! While 30 people nearly choked to death on their taco’s laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An older couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they ever had!!

Last but not least testimony
This one had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow, but don’t get any? We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to snow and didn’t, turned to the weather man and asked… : so bob, wheres that 8 inches you promised me last night? Not only did he have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!!!

Answer 1

President Bush knows exactly how those people felt. Here's a few of his choice quotes that show the voice moving before the brain was in gear:

'Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.'

'I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.'

'They misunderestimated me.'

'Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?'

Answer 2

oh man i loved these, i was sad a minute ago but now im cracking up!

Answer 3

that was funny. i especially like the last one.

Answer 4

funny

Answer 5

that was funny

Answer 6

HAHAHA..SNORT..HAHA..

Answer 7

lol!!!