Ok so the MOG kind of took over with ordering the flowers. She was paying for them, but let me choose them, but my mom was hurt. So in return I promised my mom her and I would do the favors and programs. Now the flowers are ordered and the MOG is taking over with the favors! I have told her what I wanted to do and she is buying other things and just telling me. I don't know what to do! The MOG is paying for alot more than the MOB is but I don't want that to matter when it comes to planning. Suggestions on how to handle this situation with BOTH - MOG and MOB!!!
2006-11-11 16:03:04 · 13 answers · asked by melodi_jean_99 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You need to bring your groom into this mix to help calm his mother down...it is understandable that she is excited and wants to spend all this money on your wedding, but that is the key word...YOUR wedding!!! There is a traditional list of things that the bride's family pays for and another of what the groom's fmaily pays for...a lot of couples don't follow it anymore because most of the time they pay for thigns themselves. However, it might be a good thing to break out to show your future mother in law so that she settles down a bit on the spending. Tell your fiance that his mother is stepping on some toes and you want her to back off. Also, just because the MOG is buying things, that doesn't mean that you have to use them...it might be rude, but if you didn't ask for them then don't use them. It really shouldn't matter how much each party is spending, but it will matter to them...so make sure you get help from the groom and break the news easy.
2006-11-12 14:32:04 · answer #1 · answered by VAWeddingSpecialist 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
In response to someone who posted before me, it is NOT alright for the MOG to pick things out just because she is paying for them. That is NOT how it is done. Gifts to the bride and groom to help them with their wedding are not conditional gifts. They are unconditional so that the bride and groom can have a nice wedding that everyone is happy with.
Sit down with the MOG and explain to her that you have a couple of things that you would like to do with your mother, since you did the flowers with HER. Tell her how much you appreciate her help and that she's doing a great job, but that you had a vision for certain things and that you would like to be able to spend some time with your own mother creating these favors. If she doesn't understand, then she's a real 'you know what' and you're marrying in to quite a family! Uh oh!
Honestly, if she is going to be overbearing and make your wedding miserable, you may as well tell her to shove her money and have a small intimate wedding on your own.
My fiance's father tried to pull the "we're paying for the reception so you HAVE to invite so and so". Well, thank God his mother is reasonable and told the father, "it's not your wedding, it's her wedding and she will invite who she wants." Thank you MOG! I'm blessed with a very reasonable MOG and a nice but selfish FOG.
Good luck. Don't let it stress you out! It is only one day in your life, you will have all the people you love most around you, so in the end, what does it matter if there specific favors, or specific flowers. Just enjoy your day. When your groom sees you walking down the aisle for the first time, none of these things will matter!
Congrats and good luck!
2006-11-12 02:59:13 · answer #2 · answered by J B 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to point out to the MOB that the MOG IS paying for more stuff, so she should have more say.
You should point out to the MOG that, yes, she IS paying for a lot of the stuff, but it's YOUR wedding, NOT hers. Tell her that you always pictured planning the wedding with your OWN mother, and you'd really appreciate the chance to DO that. Tell her you don't want to hurt her feelings and appreciate the initiative that she's taken with the wedding planning, but you'd prefer if you and your mother had the chance to do things yourselves, because you want to spend that quality time with your mother before you get married.
TELL her that your mom is hurt over how much she's taken over the wedding planning, and if she still won't back down, mention the fact that you'd rather elope than have your mother be so hurt over the whole planning situation. (Even if that's not true, but whether or not it's the truth isn't the point.)
If nothing else, go to http://www.theknot.com They've got several articles on overbearing mothers--you can print it out and "accidentally" and anonymously try to leave it on her kitchen counter or somewhere she'll see it.
2006-11-12 11:07:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Bottom line - this is your wedding, not the MOG's. It's great that she is paying for a lot but in the end it is your choice and since you have already chosen to do this with your own Mom, she needs to be told to back off. Hopefully your groom will be understanding and back you up on this so that you're not fighting this battle alone but, either way, it has to be done. There is no real easy way to handle this - you may just have to be blunt and lay it on the line. Best of luck and happy planning.
2006-11-12 15:21:59 · answer #4 · answered by Patricia D 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think your groom needs to step in here. It is his place to be a buffer between his mother and you. Just have a talk with him, and then ask him to have a talk with her. Or if you are close, just explain to her that your mom is feeling bad that she can't contribue as much as MOG can, and it would be nice if the MOG would let your mom take on one take all by herself.
Maybe that way, the MOG will back off a little, but still feel important.
2006-11-12 00:15:01 · answer #5 · answered by Queen Queso 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
it is right that your mog is paying for the things and so she should chose. if your mom pays for the things, then she will choose them. as your mom is not paying for much, she is getting cut out from the occassion. so i think let your mog take care of the silly stuff as the flowers, the guests etc. but give your mom to take care of the most important things. like your wedding dress, the event planning, the wedding cake. that way she wil feel important.
2006-11-12 01:35:51 · answer #6 · answered by atahsina 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Still get the favors with you and your Mom. You can always have 2 sets of favors. That's what I'm planning because I know my boyfriend's Mom wants to pick a certain Hispanic style of favors while I also want a more American style.. So on that I'll let her pick some and I'll also pick some, so that way everyone is happy.
You should talk to her and have your fiance with you also. Say that it meant alot to your Mom that you and her were going to make your favors together (or pick them out together) and that even though your Mom may not be paying as much, she is still as much a part of the wedding and her feelings are hurt, as well as yours. Your fiance needs to be on your side - tell him - look - you may not understand - this is emotional woman stuff - but you need to back me up on this because my Mom and I are hurt. It is his repsonsibilty to negotiate the situation and try to make both of you happy. He is the only one that can reason with her - not you.
You are the bride and if someone wants to pick something they should tell you first.
2006-11-12 01:20:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell the MOG that your Mom was upset that she wasn't with you to choose the flowers, and that she will help with the favors.
THe MOG will understand.
2006-11-12 10:43:07 · answer #8 · answered by ee 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Generally, mothers love their children.
Remember that.
Tell the MOG that this is YOUR wedding, and you really want to make all the decisions. Tell your mother that money can't buy your love and affection. Tell your fiance that you need his support.
Elope.
Pay for it yourself.
Focus on the honeymoon, or your actual marriage.
There are a lot of options, and you are in a fine pickle. I venture to say, most of this drama isn't even about you, and that is so sad.
2006-11-12 00:16:22 · answer #9 · answered by steelypen 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I personally don't see the situation changing any time soon. I would not want to start a war. Find something else for your mom to do.
2006-11-12 10:37:41 · answer #10 · answered by treday25 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋