Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, and stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife still wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, jump into bed, slap my wife on the ***, and say, 'Who's horny?' and she acts like she's sound asleep. It works every time!"
2006-11-11 15:24:22 · 14 answers · asked by ? 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
One drunk guy:
Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees are a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So's the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table, reading
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to go shopping. Love you!"
He goes to the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you yelled, 'Lady, leave me alone, I'm a married man'!"
2006-11-11 15:50:03 · answer #1 · answered by Rico Toasterman JPA 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its rape for 2 motives She became into under the impact of alcohol therefor unable to make a determination in sound ideas (so a confident couldve even been rape...as long as he became into extremely extra sober) 2-SHE reported NO!she merely has to declare it as quickly as for it to be rape,it doesnt rely if HE became into "under the impact of alcohol" or not shes not the only that compelled herself on him
2016-10-17 04:21:32 · answer #2 · answered by ranford 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Heard it before, saw it here not long ago, but still funny.
2006-11-11 15:36:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
lmao - great 1 - more men should try the latter - they'll either get lucky or not get yelled out lol
2006-11-11 15:26:31 · answer #4 · answered by momatendofrope 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Smart One !!! Here a New Lesson to learn, Boys !!! Ha Ha Ha ...fresh hilarious one !!! I liked it !!
2006-11-11 15:31:44 · answer #5 · answered by Tickler 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i woulod kick his *** for comin in all loud like that ha ha ha funny
2006-11-11 15:31:23 · answer #6 · answered by sexylove1_2008 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL!! That's a great one! That guy knows what he's doing!
2006-11-11 15:43:28 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Raven 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good one!
2006-11-11 15:30:12 · answer #8 · answered by reznap12 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
jujjiebooboo1, this was the best joke ever that i have seen. you made me laugh to my hearts content. if you have any more of this type, please feel free to share it with me. thank you.
hugs and kisses,
soar.
2006-11-11 15:34:13 · answer #9 · answered by soar_2307 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol i have heard this joke but its still funny
2006-11-11 15:26:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋