My friend is going through a divorce. Custody was granted to her ex husband because she didnt have transportation or a home (and her inlaws had money). Well, she is now working at a restaraunt her ex inlaws frequent and they brought her little girl in tonight. her little girl (3 yrs old) told her that her granny and grampy said 'mommy was a bad person' and thats why she lives with her daddy. how do should she respond to that when they are obviously turning her child against her?
2006-11-11 15:08:24 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
just remind your friend that it's not the child's words. help her raise money so she can get a good lawyer to fight these sobs.
2006-11-11 15:57:31 · answer #1 · answered by angelica 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sholdn't "react" at all. Until she can afford to either get custody of the kids or at least share joint custody it will be there word against her's and right now where the child is living is where the child sees the truth coming from. The child is not living with her mother so she can not differentiate between the truth and what her grandparents have told her. Starting a battle over it will not look good in the eyes of the court and it could mean loosing her daughter for good. When she is in a better place financially she will be able to petition the court for visitation and it will be granted, then she will be able to SHOW her daughter the truth. Until then she should keep quiet.
2006-11-12 00:28:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She just needs to spend as much time with her daughter as she can so she knows for herself that her mom isn't bad. And if she has a job now and a place of her own to live and has transportation she should seek joint custody. If she still doesn't have transportation tell her to call some of the christian radio stations and see if any have cars that have been donated for people like her. There are some radio stations that have people donate their old cars to give to people that have a hard time. It's worth looking into. And if she can't find one them she could ask family and children services if they know of any places that people have donate their cars. She may even try some of the lager chruches in the area as well.
2006-11-12 01:04:50 · answer #3 · answered by Countrygirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My aunt is in a similar situation. Her in-laws hated her because she was a single mom before dating her current husband. She had 2 children with her current husband and decided that her in-laws would take care of them for her while she was working. Her in-laws decided to bring both kids to Hong Kong and raise them there. Now, the kids don't even like my aunt because her in-laws taught them that their mom is a bad person and to only listen to their dad. The worse part is they're still married.
There's not much you can do. The damage has been done and a child is like a sponge. He will absorb more when they are taught when they're young. You'll just have to accept what has happened.
2006-11-11 23:16:23 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs Apple 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your friend gets the chance to confront the ex in-laws again, please pass on this bit of advice.
Please tell your friend to face in the direction of & get eye level with her little girl & with a really sincere smile & nice, calm voice, have your friend say directly to her little girl "That Deep Down Inside It Only Matters How You Feel About Mommy." Not everyone else.
Then if your friend has stopped smiling while talking, tell her to smile nicely once again and leave if she pleases. Or your friend can wait to see if the little girl responds & then go from there.
I went through the same thing with my ex's mother.
She had told my kids that I was a bad mother after me being nice enough to let her see the grandkids. I was floored! My boy was only 3 & my girl was 4 all the mean while chewing on gobbs of gum at 10 in the morning. I wanted to screem & screem. I kept my cool & responded with the same as above, that it only matters how my kids feel, not everyone else.
Once I said that to my kids, I had to ask if thats how they saw me? My kids answers were no mom your a good mom.
Hopefully the same happens to your friend! Please tell her good luck!
Nicole
2006-11-12 09:36:58 · answer #5 · answered by littlevada32 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her lawyer, she now has a job so she can try to fight for custody again.
If she does not have her own place yet she should look in the yellow pages for help on getting help or join welfare.
My friend is pregnant with twins and homeless and I just called up a place the other day in the yellow pages and they said when the babies are born they can set ehr up in an apartment.
2006-11-12 01:29:26 · answer #6 · answered by Diamonds_Glow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I am getting it right looks like the father and his parents have money. If so she to have her lawyer write the father and explain that it can not be excepted that his parents influence the child with negative words. And if they dont stop social services will be informed. Make sure the lawyer writes that he and she have the responsibilty of bringing up a healthy child, which also inclueds a secure relationship to both parents.
hope its helps
2006-11-12 08:24:10 · answer #7 · answered by eidunotno 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is terrible, the only thing your friend can do is talk to her daughter to let her know that it is not true what they are saying about her. She also need to get her life in order to be able to regain custody of her daughter. I strongly believe that children belong with they mothers.
Good Luck to your friend and hopefully she gets her daugher back ASAP!!!
2006-11-11 23:39:38 · answer #8 · answered by Vicky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats so horrible.I don't know what she can do though since her stupid ex and his stupid inlaws have custody.That makes me mad-I would go crazy if I were in the same situation!
2006-11-11 23:27:51 · answer #9 · answered by mama of 2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Truth is generally the best vindication against slander.
2006-11-11 23:21:36 · answer #10 · answered by Porcelain Doll 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋