When do parents' stop getting blamed for their kids' actions?

Question

examples:
20 year old man shoots up a liquor store: the parents didn't raise him not to be violent

17 year old girl gets pregnant; It's all her parents' fault

40 year old man rapes 12 women: his parents didn't teach him to respect women

When does this end? After the parents are dead is it still their fault? I was pregnant 4 months before my 18th birthday; is that my parents' fault? Even though I was no longer living at home are my parents to blame? Is there ever an age where kids know right from wrong and are blamed for their OWN wrongdoing?

Answer 1

I think society would like to blame the PERSON for their action.

But it is the person who shows up in court with their Defense attorney who blames the way the person was raised. Anything they can do to show that their client was a "VICTIM", and couldn't control their own place in life because of the way they were raised.

I HATE that. I think children know the difference between right and wrong at about age 8. They understand their choices bring about concequences at about 12. And by 18....I'm sorry...what YOU make of yourself and your life is YOUR DECISION. No one can control you, and you should be responsible if you become a burden on society.

Answer 2

Lets face it there are many children that grow up to be losers, and it is not the fault of the parents or society. They are individually at fault and no one but them can take the blame for their actions.
As parenting is not 100% accurate neither is the outcome. A lot of it is luck. If a parent does the best they can by loving, caring, teaching, and taking part in work and play with their children than they have done all they can do. If they are 18 and older than to me there is no question that their actions are that of a Adult.

Answer 3

I believe that people of all ages are responsible for their decisions based on whether or not they were taught right from wrong in the first place. So if they were never held responsble for anything they did as a child that is bad parenting.

If they were taught right from wrong and thay are over the age of 18 it is their chose or the parents didn't care enough to say something when it could have made a difference.

I have lived this and sometimes teens in general just make bad choices this is part of life.

Answer 4

Blue you did make a black or white thing. To answer the question I believe the moment you leave your parents house you are in charge and make your own decisions so you should either recieve the credit for the good decisions or the blame for the bad ones. As far as getting pregnant at 17 that is all you. I hope your parents are being supportive.

Answer 5

I've seen so many situations in my short life some of the faults of children can be placed on the parent.

Personal experience I knew these things were coming,

Kid throws bottle at door
Parent says isn't he just a regular destroyer, and laughs.
Outcome, kid is now sitting behind bars for shooting up a church and then shooting at 2 cops=attempted murder of police officer. SERIOUSLY, he's my nephew.

Kid throws fit in store because she/he can't get what they want.
Parent gives in and buys said item
Outcome, child grows up feeling the world is theirs and they can take what they want=theif

Kid whines to stay out later
Parent says ok because they are too lazy to lay down the law
Girl gets knocked up
Outcome=teen mom, that's me .
I've taken parenting very seriously and I try to never take the easy way out. We'll see how my experiment goes. So far so good. Son 9 daughter 8. The anticipation is totally worth it. I'm strict but I love my kids enough to be.

Answer 6

I don't think that after the child is 18 that a parent should be held accountable for thier child's actions. However there are even times before they turn 18 that I don't think that a parent should be held accountable either even though the child is not a legal adult. Some parents, such as myself try to enstill values & morals into thier children and still have problems with discipline. The problem today is that you can't discipline your child like my parents disciplined when I was young...today they consider the slightest little thing child abuse. They don't want us to discipline our kids but then when they do something wrong who's fault is it???

Answer 7

Once a person reaches adulthood (age 18) they are responsible for their own behavior. It's up to them to change the patterns they learned in childhood that lead to mistakes and misery.

Parents are blamed because children are a product of their childhood environment. If their parents set specific guidelines about right and wrong, and were consistent with discipline - which does not need to be corporal punishment, but rather should be the denial of privileges - the children will generally turn out to be good people.

If the parents provide a poor example, their children will live up to and emulate that example. This has been proven over and over again in society. For instance, shacking up instead of marrying sends the message that commitment is not important. Having children out of wedlock sends the message that a married man and woman committed to each other and their children is not important. If a woman has a child out of wedlock and the father doesn't stick around, it sends the message that men and fathers are not important to the family unit. If a parent allows their children to get away with disrespectful, selfish, thoughtless, cruel and/or harmful behavior, those children will be that type of adult. A child's character is shaped by what they observe growing up, and how they are treated by their parents. No parent is perfect, but they can make efforts to correct their own behavior. Unless you choose your path carefully as a parent, with great thoughtfulness, you will send wrong messges by setting a wrong example. For instance, your child can learn from you that premarital sex is okay.

If the pattern isn't changed by the parents by correcting their own behavior so their children have good examples to learn from, the children will go on to emulate their parents and will make the same mistakes their parents did, or will make worse mistakes. A blatant example of this is the proven fact that children who are abused as children will become abusers as adults.

I've seen these patterns over and over again as a paralegal working in the field of criminal law. Parents who enable their children, continue to bail their children out even when their child commits a crime and a jury finds that child guilty. Parents often do what they do out of guilt... wishing they had done things differently when their children were young and impressionable.

If a 40 year old man rapes 12 women, then it is highly likely he was abused in some way as a child and possibly was the victim of rape, and it is also likely that he was not taught to respect women. It doesn't alter the fact that he is a danger to society.

The best place for any of us to start is with ourselves. Buy Dr. Laura Schlesinger's book "10 Stupid Things Young Women Do To Screw Up Their Lives."

I also highly advise taking parenting classes because children go through natural stages throughout their lives, and taking the classes will prepare you for the tantrums at ages two and three, and the other behaviors parents often mistake as mean spirited behavior by children when they are very small that is really only part of their testing their environment and their parents. There are gentle ways to deal with those behaviors so your child will be healthy and well adjusted without coddling them unnecessarily, nor physically abusing them. Take parenthood very seriously and do whatever you can to learn about appropriate behaviors so your child grows up into a respectful and pleasant adult. Use manners when interacting with your child. The child will say please, thank you, and will apologize as a natural matter of course if you teach these behaviors by example. Respect yourself and your child and your child will grow into a wonderful adult you can be proud of. As Dr. Laura would say, "Now go do the right thing."

Answer 8

Children are generally a product of our parenting. So we hold some responsibility as to how they turn out.

But legally, they are responsible for some of their own actions at 13, more at 16 and all at 18.

Under 18, parents can still be liable for damages that their kids may cause.

Answer 9

Noone is completely responsible for anyone else's actions. We can guide our children and teach them the difference between right and wrong until we are blue in the face, but in the end, when we're not around, they have to make the right decision on their own. It's not the parent's fault.

Answer 10

I think that after a certain age, ppl have to be responsible for their own actions. I am 28 and if I were to go out and do something terrible, I don't think it would be my parents fault. Parents can only do the best they can. (that's just my opinion though).