My boyfriend invited me to go to his big church for Christmas celebration. All the people there I don't really even know, except for my boyfriend and they are having a "Secret Santa" thing. The people there at the church asked me to play Secret Santa with them. I have only met those people there at the church once and they are asking me to participate in Secret Santa with them. However, my boyfriend is telling me that I should not participate. Why do you think that is so? I asked him "why" and he said that he think it's weird since I don't know these people very well and they don't know me very well either. He wants me to get to know them more before I participate in Secret Santa with the people at his church. I told him that that would be no fun then if I went to the church and everyone is doing Secret Santa and I'm the only one not participating in it. Then he got mad at me. What do you think is the reason he's mad at me and why I shouldn't be participating?
2006-11-11 13:39:07 · 27 answers · asked by leazngurl 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Just a guess, but is your boyfriend the jealous type? The people were asking you to be a part of the Secret Santa to make you feel like one of the group and it would be fun for you to participate if you are going to be there for the Christmas celebration.
I think your boyfriend if jealous that they might like you too much,
not in a boyfriend-girlfriend way but like better than they like him, just that underneath he feels jealous that you could be so accepted which he sees as them asking you to participate in the
Secret Santa and you so readily agreeing. I think he sounds like a big baby, maybe he doesn't have your best interests in mind.
You don't have to know people well to do Secret Santa, sometimes its more fun if you know the people well but it can still
be fun.. Something about his behavior would make me think twice.
2006-11-11 13:50:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I don’t think he understands the Secret Santa thing. Even with relatives you usually have to ask someone what they ‘really’ want.
I think I would just tell him that everyone seems real nice and it looks like you could fit in easily but for some reason he doesn’t want you to so it would be better if he celebrated Christmas with his friends at his church and you would celebrate with your friends.
On the other hand (and I find this unlikely in a “big” church) there might be a clique your boyfriend understands about the church and he is protecting you from that, since in some church cliques they encourage participation but don’t accept you for some time.
If he has a jealously issue, you probably need to consider that as a major flaw in his character that will come back to haunt you as you get more involved with him. Just be sure this isn’t the case. Insecurity that causes friction means it will probably be blamed on you eventually.
2006-11-11 22:05:56 · answer #2 · answered by Raylene G. 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that sounds a little wierd. and especially when you said he got mad at you for wanting to participate, that was a red flag for me. I mean it could be nothing at all and he could just think people in the church like the newcomers to lay low on things like this until they're not the new people anymore. who knows? but if it were me I would think he's a little odd, maybe not so much a socialistic person and he doesn't want you to be the only one...so he's trying to drag you down with him? or maybe there's something more to it, and that would really be odd? i always thought secret santa was a simple fun game that even strangers can play and still have fun, and even more innocent and simple at a church! and in our church the people who jumped right in and didn't be shy at all were the ones who made the most aquaintances the fastest! yeah, that doesn't sound normal to me. maybe you'll find out there's something more to it later, or maybe you will learn he's just an odd fellow! good luck!!!
2006-11-11 21:46:16 · answer #3 · answered by jess l 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Religion has a way of making people do funny things. Your boyfreind must hold the people at his church in high regard. He is afraid you may offend, or unbalance the relationships he has built. You can tell it is important to him because he is mad about it, but can't seem to talk about why. It may be no fun to attend without being in the secret santa thingy, but do you want to keep your boyfreind? If it is so important to him that you do not, you may want to do ask he wishes, suck it up, and just have fun without being a part of the sec. san. stuff. I am sure you won't be the only one there not participating. Or continue an open dialouge with him, find out more about how he feels, and why.
2006-11-11 21:43:40 · answer #4 · answered by trans fat is good! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They want you to participate but they don't want you to feel left out, and they LOVE having other people involved in their fun! I know.... we're the same way.
I don't know why your boyfriend would have a problem with it.. I wonder if he doesn't want you to keep going to his church for some odd reason?
I say do it, have fun, play Secret Santa.
2006-11-11 21:42:14 · answer #5 · answered by SunShineShoes 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that is weird that he doesnt want u to participate but isnt secret santa for little kids. well anyway, that is weird because u should be involved, it doesnt matter how well u know the people u can get to know them. i would ask him why he is saying this and if he replies the same way, tell u he's ur new ex!
2006-11-11 21:41:56 · answer #6 · answered by dramateen23 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's normal if you've been coming around on a semi-regular basis or they have reason to believe that you will be coming around more often. They just want you to feel welcome and included. Participate if you want to or thank them for thinking of you and turn them down if you don't.
you don't say your guy's age, but he sounds young and most guys think Secret Santa is kinda weird anyway. I wouldn't read too much into him wanting you to not do it. Unless he's acting weird about you going to his church at all, I don't think there's anything for you to worry about
2006-11-11 22:43:22 · answer #7 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you're over-interpretting. From the sounds of things, he just wants you to come along and have a good time, and assumes that you're being a party pooper for not joining in.
You however have given it much more thought. Maybe you should just explain to him why you don't want to participate, because he doesn't seem to have reason to be mad at you.
PS: This Secret Santa thing sounds creepy.
2006-11-11 21:47:53 · answer #8 · answered by Link 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
By all means, join in!! All it involves is drawing a name and depending on how they do it (maybe on 3 sundays or just one) you buy them a gift with a limit ,uusally $5-$10 andyou buy the gift and either leave it on the seat where the usually sit or they are passed out to everyone. You only put their name on it and not who it's from. It's fun and fairly inexpensive and a way to take part in the church . I have no Idea why he is acting the way he his unless he is too cheap to participate
2006-11-11 21:52:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
maybe he thinks the prior to you joining in on the fun stuff like this santa thing you should first attend more of the worship services because he feels that well its ok to have fun in the church first and for most its a place of worship.
as far as him not telling you the reasons behind his choice i wonder if he feels some ownership of the events there as he has gone there longer.
normal ? i have to wonder if anyone else on the planet has been in the exact same postion so normal i dont think there in normal just different degrees of sameness
2006-11-11 22:55:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋