My 4 year old daughter won't sleep in her own room. How can i beak her of this habit?

Question

My daughter is 4 years old. She used to goto sleep in her own bed by 8:30 at night. After staying at grandma and grandpa's house for a couple nights each week she won't sleep anywhere but with me and my husband. We are both having a hard time sleeping at night because she kicks in her sleep, lol and I don't want her to grow attached to our bed. I've tried telling her "If she wants to be a big girl she has to sleep in her own room" (she is a very independent little girl) but that doesen't seem to work. I was thinking maybe her mattress was to hard, ours is quite soft but am not sure that is the problem. A friend of mine still has her 6 year old sleeping in her bed, I don't want her to keep this up for that long. When I try to put her down for her bed she just cries and wants mommy and daddys bed. Anyone have any ideas of how i should go about this?

Answer 1

We're actually having the same problem. My daughter will be 4 in February and refuses to sleep in her own room. We went and bought her a full size mattress, and new sheet set, and blankets, and just put the mattress on the floor. We thought it would help, but it didn't change anything. Currently, I'm taking her to her bed when she's already asleep and sleeping in there with her, because she screams bloody murder if we try getting her to go to sleep in there, and she wakes our other daughter. She will wake and wonder why she's in there, EVEN IF I'M THERE and be upset. Which is just really weird to me. At this point, we're trying for a slow transition...the more she wakes there, the more used to it she will get (we figure). It's what worked before when she slept in her own bed (we had transitioned her by 3, and then we moved...messed everything up). We've tried nightlights, tried leaving lights on, no lights, hall light, bathroom light, stuffed animals, television...you name it. Unfortunately, at her grandparents' house, there may be nothing weird going on at all, and the messed up routine may be to blame. Is it possible for her grandparents to come to your house on those nights? Not sure why she sleeps over there some nights so I couldn't suggest otherwise. Anyway, we're in the same boat! Wish I could be of more help (because it would mean I'd succeeded!). The slow transition is the only thing I've got. Waking in there eventually she'll just be so tired she'll lay back down, and it won't be worth the effort (like weaning off of a bottle, by adding more and more water, and less and less formula or milk...it just becomes not worth the effort to do). Next would be you not staying in there, and having to get her used to that. Good luck!!!!

Answer 2

Not sure if this will suit you, but I was the exact same way when I was a kid, and ironically enough, my 4 year old comes in our room and would rather sleep on the floor than in our bed. I know that when I was a kid, I remember my mom and dad took me to pick out a new "big girl bed" with whatever sheets I wanted(I chose white with little pink hearts). This was after the doctor had told them to lock their door at night(remember this was over 20 years ago) and I slept in the hallway outside their door. So after that, I only remember going in their room during thunderstorms. The whole deal was that if I got to pick out my sheets and a new Holly Hobby quilt too, that I had to stay in my own bed to use them, but I did...Hope this might be a suggestion that would work.

Answer 3

Set up a bed time ritual, bath, brush teeth, story and to bed. Under no circumstance can she leave her room. Stay with her for a while and each night the time you must stay with her will get shorter. If she comes to your be in the middle of the night calmly walk her back to her bed. Hang in there this will pass and before you know it she will be going to High School. If you have another child don't allow the baby in your room... you go to the baby's room. Read to your child every night in her bed.

Answer 4

When it time for bed, take her into her room, read her a story, then tuck her in, turn out the lights, and close the door on your way out. If she come sout of her room, take her back to her bed, put her in it, and leave again. Tell her, " You are four years old, and you will sleep in your bed, " and walk out again. Continue taking her back to her room each time, or lock her out of your room. She will eventually get the message that it is not okay to sleep with you. Also, tell her gramdparents that she should be given the same style of treatment at bedtime at their house, and YOU are the parents-What You say goes. Good luck!

Answer 5

My daughter was 18 months when we started the transition. My husband and I will lay with her until she falls asleep. And if she wakes during the night then we'd lay her back down in her own bed and wait until she'd fall asleep. Its going to take consistency and patience. If she fights with you about only wanting to lay in your bed, talk to her about her being a big girl now and that it's time for mommy to lay with her instead of her with mommy. My daughter is now 2 years and 2 months old and still wakes up at night to find one of us. Its just part of being a parent.

Answer 6

You need to stop it now, because as time goes on it will get worse and worse. You tell her that everyone has their own bed, and put her in hers. Let her cry, perhaps keep a night light on. It just becomes an immovable rule, like going to church, or washing your hands before you eat. If you think you have to "sell" her on it, you're already defeated. You're the parent, it's just a rule.

If she comes into your bed at night, as soon as you realize she is there, wake her up and lead her back to her room. If necessary, you might want to put chimes on your door and close it so you'll hear her when she comes.

Answer 7

Stay with her in bed until she falls asleep. Then leave the room and check up on her if you wake up late at night. If you don't wake up at night give her a night light. Or give her a t.v. to watch.It's ok if she cries. She'll get use to it. If it doesn't work just lock her in the room she'll cry but if you don't stop it now it will get worse.

Answer 8

Has she become afraid of the dark? Or maybe the grands are letting her sleep with them. If so, you need to let them know that's gonna have to stop.
Of course she will cry at first, I mean she's not getting her way. But if you stay firm on your desicion, she'll learn to sleep alone.

Answer 9

Maybe she was scared of something while staying with grandmas or grandpas or they told her something. Well dont blame them but you should try sleeping with her in her own room and once shes asleep try going to your room. And do that again once shes used to it.

Answer 10

You give her a good reason and reward for doing as you ask. Just like you don't want to work but still do because you get the pay check and other benefits. Simple.