My friend has lost her husband, her business, and her mother for starters. She is seeing a therapist and is on medication regularly. I care about her and her kids alot and feel helpless. I was the nanny for the kids for over eight years and they are very important to me. I have told her that I was willing to do anything , take care of the kids, her job and so on if she went into a program. She says no and comes up with every excuse imaginable. I also need to say that she has lost her licence due to DUI, twice! I have been the one driving her around every where. I have not coddeled her, I am straight forward and now I may have messed up big time. I called her therapist and told her what's going on and the therapist said that she will have to tell her that we spoke and what about. Now I am afraid because I will not be able to keep and eye on her nor make sure the kids are ok. I hate myself for getting so scared about this situation and need some advice? DCF is already involved, help?
2006-11-11 12:37:48 · 10 answers · asked by Casper 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I put there links down.. one is for depression the other is for drinking and the other is for grief. Maybe you can get her to read some of it. Maybe it will. I hope everything turns out well.
You are doing everything right. She is using the alcohol as a crutch it happens to many people that are depressed they think drinking or taking drugs will make the situtiation go away. The thruth is it going to be there while there doing it, drunk or high, as well as coming down from it.
Sometimes doing the right thing doesn't feel like the right thing. Someone who is very depressed and is drinking doesn't make anything easier. She is in denial. it is normal for her to do what she is doing. Until she realized she needs help the therapy will not help. Don't coddler her sometimes. Someone close to you has to open your eyes. My best friend Chris did that, I did not understand how angry I was at loosing my father and everything falling out of place.
its harder when you have Dys or whatever is called in your area, has no choice. to step in but i think you might be able to take the kids if she admits herself. I did that for my sister. When she was getting clean from cocaine.
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What are alcohol abuse and alcohol dependence?
While some people can enjoy a drink now and then without any problem, other people are not able to control how often or how much they drink. Nearly 3 in 10 adults in the United States drink too much or too often or have problems because of their drinking.
If you are not able to quit or cut back on your drinking, even though you know it is causing problems, you might have a problem with alcohol abuse or alcohol dependence.
Grief and Grieving
Topic Overview
What is grief?
Grief is your emotional reaction to a significant loss. The words sorrow and heartache are often used to describe feelings of grief. Whether you lose a beloved person, animal, place, or object, or a valued way of life (such as your job, marriage, or good health), some level of grief will naturally follow.
2006-11-11 12:52:56 · answer #1 · answered by dee luna 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like your fear is not unfounded. You seem completely justified in worrying. And you did one of the few things you can do: you told her therapist that she isn't taking care of herself. Her therapist needs to know, because more than likely your friend is lying to her therapist since she won't admit that she has a problem. Remember, if she doesn't think she has a problem, then in her eyes there really is no problem and you (and everyone else who talks to her about it) are overreacting in her eyes.
I'm not a supporter of DCF (I was a foster kid myself), but you should talk to DCF about becoming a foster parent without mentioning your friend. Basically you have to pass a background check, pass a home inspection, and take some classes. If your friend continues down this path, the children probably will end up in foster care and you may be able to be their official and legal foster parent. That would be much better than them going into the system and into a home where no one really knows what is going to happen next. Remember, it's DCF's job to remove kids from their homes. That's what they get paid for. So the likelihood that these children will be removed is very high. Their involvement at this stage means that it is just a matter of time.
Also, you can hold an intervention. Get everyone who knows her together, including her children if they are old enough (it can get pretty intense), and tell her how you all feel about her lack of control, how she treats you, and the downward spiral that I am sure you have witnessed. There are professionals who help you do interventions, and I would advise you to use one. It is very difficult.
Alcoholics Anonymous would be a great step for her, but she probably won't make it at this point. Al-Anon and AlaTeen are helpful for family and friends of the alcoholic. Their website is http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
The last thing: you need to confront her and tell her what you did before she finds out from a third party (her therapist). "Do unto others...." You wouldn't want someone going behind your back like that, even if they are justified in doing it. So fess up. She's going to be mad. Remember: she doesn't believe that she has a problem.
2006-11-11 13:04:47 · answer #2 · answered by stuckeymusic 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You did the right thing. I too suffer from depression but not the drinking problem. I understand how she is feeling as mine was brought on by the death of the two people closest to me.
I hope you can get back around her and get her to forgive you and understand that you did this for her own good because you love her and cant stand to see her slowly killing herself and the things it is doing to her kids as well and remind her that the kids lost the same people she did and they are losing their mom too because she is not the same person and they need her.
If you can get things back to being good between you there is one thing i want you to do. Something i so desperately needed someone to do for me which never has happened to this day. Hold her tight and tell her everything is going to be ok , you promise and you will be there no matter what. The main thing is to tell her it is going to be ok. 15 years later i still need to hear this but nobody has told me and if i ask them to say it , it wont mean anything.
Make sure she understands that you want her to call you day or night and are not just being nice. If you have to then write her a letter. I pray it will get better for you both and maybe you two can try church together. There is comfort in the Lord.
2006-11-11 13:14:35 · answer #3 · answered by Mary N 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your friend has lost all hope and that is a hard place to be. Without hope we have nothing to hang on to nor do we have anything to push us through the night and back into the day.
With all that has happened she most likely thinks she will never see the day again but the truth is this to will pass if she can just hang on.
If she has not accepted Jesus as her savior this would be a good time to introduce him and if she has then this would be a good time to remind her of the truth because her circumstances are doing a great job of lying to her.
Paula White is a preacher who is very gifted in bringing hope to those who have lost it and so is T.D. Jakes.
You could pick her up a CD or tape that will encourage her and just say hey i love you and i care about you because if i didn't i wouldn't be here for you. I got you this and if nothing else when you reach your lowest point and you feel like there is no reason to go on just do this one thing for me listen to this CD first before you do anything else. Then just leave it there and you don't have to say anything else about it.
I would also encourage you to pray for her and if you don't pray find someone who does and have them.
You can't fix her but you can be there for her and most of the time that means not saying anything but just listening and just being there for her is making a difference.
2006-11-11 13:21:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would first like to say that i commend you on being such a good friend. There out not a lot out here and you seem to be one. I think that you need to take your friend situation to the Lord. Some serious prayer is what she needs. Stay on her no matter how far she pushes you away and remember that she is depressed. Stay such a good friend. It seems like you have done all that you can. Just continue being there and keep her in your prayer it will work miracles
2006-11-11 12:48:45 · answer #5 · answered by Missy_Eye's 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off there is really nothing more you can do but be there for her but do not do everything for her, if you are taking on all the responsibilities she has none and that may make her worse, she needs to feel wanted and needed. So, need her. Also, you need to talk to the dcf caseworker about it. They dont investigate things like they should. Other than that just let time run its course, she will hopefully pull thru it.
2006-11-11 12:48:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately an alcoholic has to first admit to having the addiction before anyone can help. If your friend is still in denial there isn't anything you can do other than pray for her and her family. Suport her when you can and encourage her to seek help -such as the AA- but other than that it's practically impossible to help in any way.
2006-11-11 12:49:38 · answer #7 · answered by utuseclocal483 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Betray her believe and inform a depended on tuition counselor for her sake. See the counselor together with her in combination, and be together with her and allow her recognise that you're going to aid her concern. How would you give an explanation for to her moms and dads at her funeral that you simply knew she would take her existence? Act now.
2016-09-01 11:02:45 · answer #8 · answered by faella 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
alanon,a support group for people that have problems such as yours,family,friends,etc.that are alcoholics,or addicts,that help others in the same situation.although I'm a recovering alcoholic my wife went to many alanon meetings with as she says gave great advice and support!
they are in your local phone book,call them and they can let you know when and where the next meeting will be held. ! good luck to you and your friend and god bless!!
2006-11-11 12:51:46 · answer #9 · answered by slaphappy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel bad....maybe your intervening will safe her....she needs help....and now maybe she will get it......
You were just being a concerned friend....kudos to you....
2006-11-11 12:56:48 · answer #10 · answered by girlegyrl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋