my friend has right probs with her man just now, they have been together 13 yrs & he has always been a bit of a lad, likes the pub & night clubs etc. Anyway to cut a long story short, he started a new job a few months ago at a pub, he works till 8 in the evening which is a reasonable time to finish in a pub, anway when he was first there he got back to his partner by 9.15 in evening NOW he stays out till up to 4 in the morning after work. She has had him followed on various occasions recently by friends & there is no evidence of him seeing anyone else & he always tells her he loves her WHEN HE IS THERE of course, but she is getting right fed up with being left home alone & being abandoned all the time & he wont listen to her when she tries to tell him how she is feeling...the amount of tears that are flowing right now is terrible for her...any ideas how she can tackle this
2006-11-11
12:14:09
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12 answers
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asked by
Denise W
4
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Singles & Dating
she did trust him totally until just recently & because his behaviour altered so drastically, thats why she had him followed
2006-11-11
12:25:24 ·
update #1
Unfortunately the woman loves him, so dumping him is not an option she is really looking to do, but things really have got to change back to how they were before he started stayin out so much. kids are not involved as they are in their 40's so kids grown up now...we cannot work out why he is being such a s.h.i.t. to her
2006-11-11
12:36:30 ·
update #2
she has tried meeting at work on various occasions & the upcome of that has been they had enjoyable night until she HAD to go home because of work the next morning, & his response was I will be along in a min when I finished my pint, then 2-3 hours later he rolled in
2006-11-11
12:46:10 ·
update #3
i mean no offence but your friend sounds like shes acting like a door mat - and her partner is treating her that way - and things wont change until she changes! she has to lay down some ground rules - something along the lines of - he has to phone her to let her know where he is if hes going to be late, he should be home most nights within a reasonable time after work- and others - she should know whats fair!
at the min this doesnt sound like a relationship - it sounds like a convenience for her partner- he can do anything and get away with it - if he wont agree to some reasonable rules on when he should be home etc then there are two options - one leave him and find someone else(painful but only for a short while) or stay with him - lose your self respect and set yourself up for a lifetime of pain and dissapointment!
I hope things work out for your friend!xxx
2006-11-11 12:25:54
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answer #1
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answered by tsnap72again 1
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Could she possible arrange to meet him after work and go out with him? If this was a once in a while or even a weekly occurance, it would be tolerable, but if it is several times a week, then I can totally understand the pain your friend is going through right now.
I think she needs to sit down and ask him if he wants to continue in the relationship, if so he is going to have to mend his ways, perhaps they could think about relationship councilling, or she could throw a copy of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus his way.
If things don't improve after they talk, she should seriously consider ending the relationship. A relationship is a partnership, and if either are seriously unhappy, it needs to end..
Quitting is a bad thing in general, but knowing when to throw the towel in, on something that is causing anyone misery, is a good thing.
Life is too short to always think things will get better, without changing something in it to make it happen. No matter how understanding and loving you tries to be, sometimes, some people will just take it for granted.
I will never understand why people continue in the same patterns of behaviour but expect different results each time. It simply doesn't make sense to keep making the same mistakes.
Anyway, good luck. I hope your friend finds happiness.
2006-11-11 12:30:23
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answer #2
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answered by KJA 3
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Not sure if he has a drinking problem or a commitment problem or both??? It is hard to be in a relationship when it is one sided. Sounds like your friend needs to decide what she wants to do, as hard as this may be. You sound like a good friend to her, maybe you could help her weigh her options. If she still loves him and wants it to work he needs to know exactly how she feels.(Tell him when he is sober). If he doesn't see his behavior as a problem or see how much he is hurting her than maybe she needs to let him go. Thirteen years is a long time, I'm not saying this would be an easy decision to make but one that needs to be made. In time when she is ready to move on I'm sure she will find someone that treats her better and that truly enjoys spending time with her for the person that she is. Sounds like the 2 of you are pretty close and I 'm sure she appreciates you more than you know. I hope everything works out for the best for all involved. Good luck!
2006-11-11 12:39:55
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answer #3
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answered by burnettebreeze98 2
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what she should do is meet up with him after he finishes work....have few drinks with him and then both of them can go home, if she is with him he will not get the chance to stay out for so long...then she needs to tell him that his late nights/early mornings have to stop....or else
2006-11-11 12:40:35
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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Sounds like he needs help. Sounds like he like to party to much. A bit to much that he forgets what he's supposed to do. To me if he's not willing to get help, then maybe she needs to leave him. Maybe not for good, but for awhile. Any man who cares for his drink more than his partner, is not worth a woman's time.
2006-11-11 13:30:52
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answer #5
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answered by lil_e_4ever 2
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I suppose it depends whether there are kids involved. If I was her I think I'd tell him that his behavior is unacceptable and she won't stand for it. If he loves her he'll change his ways, if not he's not worth it.
2006-11-11 12:18:39
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answer #6
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answered by shell 3
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get rid of him. he,ll see what a good thing he,s missing or if he doesn,t come back then she,s better off without him anyway. dont agree with the following thing. thats almost like she doesn,t trust him!
2006-11-11 12:19:01
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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Blimey, he sounds a nightmare! Suggest she dump him, guys like him rarely change
2006-11-11 12:20:20
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answer #8
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answered by Lupee 3
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not something incorrect with masturbation, that's healthful to do away with the boost of semen frequently. Balls are greater probably to harm in case you dont do it! discomfort in leg isn't something to do with it
2016-10-21 22:31:54
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answer #9
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answered by lindgren 4
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To be with is just like to not be with him. They are together but they aren't together if you know what I mean. She should go solo
2006-11-11 12:17:55
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answer #10
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answered by Anonymous
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