On two occasions my son has done this. The other day i said to my mother how stupid my husband was (as you do ) and my 9 year old said yeah you would think he would have brains up here and pointed to his brain but he doesnt. His brains are down here and i dont need to tell you where he pointed. Then the second time he was drawing cars and showed his picture to me then casually asked "mum have you ever touched a B.M.W before and i said 'yes ive been in one' well he went into histerics and replied do you even know what a bmw is? Then of course he told me that it is a big mans willy! At both times i told him that this was incorrect behaivour around women and around teachers. But i am afraid if i stop him from feeling free to talk to me about anything that maybe one day he wont come to me with his problems. Does anyone have any insight on how i can controll this behaivour without it causing damage to the long term relationship with my son?
It would be greatly appreciated
2006-11-11 12:02:00 · 25 answers · asked by fifi c 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Aged nine is about the right age for kids to be starting to really understand humour. They do understand some kinds of humour before this age but the more verbal kinds of humour are a bit more sophisticated and start to be understood better at this age. Hence the interest in telling jokes.
When my son was going through this stage, as all sons do, I realised he was testing the ground, kind of gradually introducing new things into his relationship with me to guage my reaction. I simply told him. "That is a funny joke, But it is the sort of jokes that boys and men tell one another." Then I told him another joke that he could share with his mates. (His dad wasn't around to do that so I did not feel bad doing that.)
I don't have a problem with him sharing his 'dirty' jokes with me because in that way I can monitor what it is he is learning is or is not funny. We even sometimes talk about jokes and how they can hurt or discrimiinate against people.
I bought a copy of a an aussie joke book and let him pick a joke or two to share with his mates, I'm sure he shared more than that, but at least he understands better what the jokes are about because we can talk about it.
My son is 16 now and I don't get to share in his joke telling anymore, though his dad around these days and I know the two of them share some jokes. He knows what is and what isn't appropriate in front of girls and women and is a respectful young man with a rich sense of humour that includes things that are not sexual in nature as well.
So, don't worry about it. Be upfront and honest with him about humour and its effects and share a naughty joke or two with him that he can go back and tell his mates.
And smile.... you are doing fine!!
2006-11-11 12:42:19 · answer #1 · answered by wollemi_pine_writer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what's the proper way to react.
However, there are 2 things that I'd like to point out:
- you shouldn't talk about how stupid your husband is in front of your kid: my mum used to do that all the time, and I don't think that was a good idea - my sister ended up ignoring him.
- if you tell him it's incorrect behaviour, at least tell him that it's improper in front of BOTH men and women. You're already putting stereotypes in his head.
I know that's not what you were asking, but ...
What I would have said? Probably: "Where did you learn to say such things? I don't want you to use such language". He'll probably do it around his friends, which is a bit normal, but at least he'll know that he's not supposed to do it in fornt of adults.
That being said, I wonder how much he actually understands what he is saying. I know kids do not always grasp the whole meaning of things, but since they often see things on tv, I'm not sure...
2006-11-11 12:14:49 · answer #2 · answered by Offkey 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that 9 years old is too young to be talking about such things. How does he learn all this stuff anyways? I would suggest you try to find out the source of all this and if its a person, talk to them. If its a specific place, keep your son away so that he doesn't learn anything else. You're getting my point right? You should teach your son that if he doesn't come to you with his problem, then who else will he go to? I mean, mothers are the only people who you should trust on in this world. You can't vanish away what he already knows, but try to stop it. I say smack him when he talks about it. Hes just not old enough. Good Luck
2006-11-11 12:07:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First you need to find out where he's learning this from, so you can speak with this person and talk to them about what to say that's appropriate for you sons age. If he's getting this from school you should speak to the teacher so that she's more aware about conversations that are going on at school, and you should speak with your son but not in a condemning way. What he's doing is completely normal. Fascination about his sexuality is extremely common in boys this age, you just have to speak to him about when there's a time and a place to say things like that. My husband works with boys this age and older and he said there's nothing you should worry about. Just continue to keep the lines of communication open and not to make him feel ashamed about the way he's responding to his sexuality.
2006-11-11 12:25:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You won't be ruining your relationship with your son by helping him refrain from discussing inappropriate topics with you. It's not like he's asking about the birds and the bees- he's just being overtly sexual. While his actions are clearly showing you that he is curious about the subject, they're, as you said, inappropriate. At 9 he's old enough to have a discussion about sex, especially one in which you discuss the intimacy involved in sex. If he knows that sex is a special act that shouldn't be taken lightly, he'll be less apt to treat it lightly. Plus he needs to know that the really hot chicks don't like abrasive guys who make penis jokes. :D Let him know that joking around about it is not only childish, but unacceptable. You're giving your son boundaries, which is what children want and need. Good luck!
2006-11-11 14:16:09 · answer #5 · answered by elizabeth_ashley44 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Question your Son own this and at least find out were this is coming from and make sure that it is LITTLE boys that He is hearing this from...And not some one else...Their are weird people around children......More could be going own it is something you need to look into ...My parents went through something like this ..Believe me this is not something you want to take lightly...You Question Him but in the right way....The part of the story that is bothering me is.. the part were He goes hysteric's ....You could cause damage in your Son if you don't get to the source of this...I have raised 4 boys and no at 9 this is not normal...And at 9 it is bothering your son ...That tells you He is to young....Bless you in your Mothering....
2006-11-11 18:25:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Totally normal, just different from you. What is normal anyway? My 4 year old loves tattoos, skulls, dragons, etc. he asked for a mohawk, I gave it to him. My 8 yr old daughter wants to be a rock star, she has guitar lessons. Let your kid(s) be who they are. If you try to stop them it will only make what they want that much more appealing. My luck, my kids will be preppie teenagers! Who knows, your child will probably be famous and a millionaire. It sounds like he knows what he likes and that's a good thing! Tattoos aren't the end of the world and they say nothing about who people are inside.
2016-05-22 06:06:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont try to control his behaviour and dont break communication, you are very short sighted. On the contrary, all he says are things he hears some way or another, give him further explanations, he is 9 years old, no longer a small child, he has a brain and it's full of questions. You have knowledge, dont keep it, share it with him.
2006-11-11 12:29:14 · answer #8 · answered by Alex S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course he is porbably picking this stuff up from school, or TV, but you can correct him, letting him know it is not right to be telling Mama these things, but it seems normal to me. My 9 year old son is getting curious about himself and his private areas, and I tell him that it is okay, but to do those thing privately in his room.
Your son does need to know the appopriate time to say certain things in the company of other adults, and he is so young, Im possitive he doesnt understand fully what he is saying, but just repeating others. You need to sit him down, and be direct with him, straight to the point, and YOU not be afraid to talk to him, apparently, hes not afraid to talk to you. He just needs to know how to, give him direction as to how to communicate, and you will be fine. Good luck
2006-11-11 12:12:14 · answer #9 · answered by xenypoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe ask him if he has any questions you could answer, tell him everything he hears may not be right. If he is too shy to ask you face to face tell him he can write you a note and let him know where he can leave it. Just answer what he wants to know and with as little detail a possible. Good luck and if he is 9 I might be in your spot in about a year.
2006-11-11 12:06:53 · answer #10 · answered by hapymom03 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋