How do you handle the terrible twos out in public?

Question

i have a 1 1/2 year old who has such a temper...not sure where she got it from...but occasionally will throw a fit in the middle of a mall....ive tried several things....ignoring it until shes done...well actually until the first person usually stares in disbelief.....picking her up...where she turns into a wet noodle that i can't keep hold of...or just give into what it is she wants which is usually to be independent and walk whereever it is she wants to go...please help?? my oldest was never like this...what do i do?

Answer 1

There are many good answers above. I recomend trying several of their methods. (Excepts the 'find a baby-sitter she's afraid of.' That's a little cruel.)

Here's the bottom line, though:

Children are going to test limits. That's a given. And, even when frustrating, it's a good thing. We don't WANT to raise children who blindly do what they are told to do. We don't WANT children who blindly follow commands. We DO want children who are able to see the concequences for their actions and made the decision on their own to act appropriately.

With this in mind, I suggest the following methods to prevent the situation.:

--Positive reinforcement. Every five minutes that the child is acting how you would like give her verbal praise. "I noticed that in these last five minutes you stayed with me and were being very nice. That makes shopping so much more fun! Thank you, you're my awesome girl!" It WILL feel like overkill to you, but a two year old can never get enough praise.

--I would be very careful about offering rewards for good behavior. Rewards should be for behaviors above what is typically asked of a child. A child should behave in a store because that is what is expected. NOT because if s/he behaves, s/he gets a toy.

In the moment (while she is in a tantrum), here are some pieces of advice:

--Bring a small book along with you. When she goes into a tantrum then read it. Or pretend to read it. This is a strong message to the child that their tantrum is not eliciting a response. Calmly tell the child: "I'm sorry, but I can't help you when you are yelling. Mommy is going to read until you are calmed down."

--My favorite thing to tell a child when they are acting out: "This behavior is NOT going to get you what you want. To get what you want, you will have to _________."

--If people are staring, calmly say to them: "She's angry that she's not getting her way right now. I'm trying to teach her that yelling doesn't get her what she wants." Everyone understands that two-year olds yell. That's normal. They just want to understand what you as a parent is doing about the situation. Once they know that you are choosing to let her vent, they'll be more understanding about it.

Alright, this has gone on much longer than I had anticipated. Let me end with the MOST important thing I have learned about child-raising:

--Children are tactical geniuses. They will do what works. If a child yells, it's because yelling has worked for them in the past. If a child whines then it's because whining has worked for them. If a set of behaviors doesn't work for them, they change tactics. Your job as a parent is to make sure that only positive behaviors get your child what she wants. ( I know, I know. . . much easier said than done. Parenting is tough.)

Sorry for the lengthy post. (I'm working on a book on child-rearing.)

Quill.

Answer 2

How To Handle Terrible Twos

Answer 3

Whatever you do..never give in..as soon as you do she will know that she has won the battle and all she has to do is throw another tantrum in order to get what she wants. I doubt that is the precedent you want to set...

I went through this with both my children, and found that the best thing to do was ignore it. I know that it disturbs other people sometimes, but I think you would be surprised at how many of them are sympathising with you..not the child...most parents have been through at least a few episodes like this. I saw quite enough parents chasing their out of control three and four year olds through the clothes racks in walmart to realize that I definately did not want that problem on my hands in a year or two.

If you do not have the time to wait out a tantrum, tell her that she is not going to get what she wants..pick her up, put her over your shoulder and cart her away fireman style. This is fully possible to do even with the wet noodle effect. It may get you a few strange looks, but it works better than giving in..and the child knows that you have won, not them.

The only thing with a 1 1/2 year old is that they do not learn lessons like this easily or quickly..and you will probably have to do this numerous times before they truly catch on to the fact that they will not win this particular battle. Of course it goes without saying that it is best to have a little conversation with them when you get home and explain to them, even at 1 1/2, why you did what you did.

Answer 4

Give her choices ahead of time that encourage her to be independent but also set limits for what is acceptable.

EXAMPLE:
Before you go in the mall, tell her that she can walk if she holds your hand or walks with her hand on the side of the stroller. Let her know if she doesn't do this, then she will have to ride in the stroller.

ETA:
Another possibility is, if she is having a tantrum, pick her up and leave. Take her straight to the car.

Answer 5

You pick the child up, take them to the car, put them IN the car, get IN the car yourself and drive home, find a babysitter or leave the child with a relative and if you HAVE to go out do so by yourself. That is EXACTLY what I did when my child threw a fit in a shopping mall. She was not allowed to go anywhere with me for 9 months unless it was her doctor appointments or day care/preschool. Finally one day she promised to behave, I took her to the mall and she was so well behaved I started looking for "pods" (From the movie "Invasion of the body snatchers"). After that she behaved whenever we went out and I would reward her for her behavior, usually with a stop at her favorite bookstore.

Answer 6

Walk away...it usually worked for me. When they dont have an audience the tantrum stops. You dont need to go far but dont take any notice of her...just leave her there but watch her surrepticiously. Reward her when she behaves not when she has the tantrum. I would put her in a stroller at that age anyway and strap her in. Dont let her win or she will be still throwing tantrums when she is 14. I know its embarrassing but not as embarrassing as a 10 year old telling you to go jump.

Answer 7

Tell her that if she wants to go to the mall she has to behave. Find a babysitter whom she is afraid of, and threaten to leave her with him/her (babysitter).
You have to make threats so that kids can learn consequences. The sooner you learn this the better.

Answer 8

check out the 123 magic system, works for me, eliminates that specifically and educates you (not so good for spellang). wait till ya get to 3!!!

Answer 9

You handle her the same way in public that you handle her in private, whatever way that happens to be for you. You need to be consistent in your handling or else you send mixed signals.

Answer 10

We leave the place that we're at.