What would happen if you ignore your child whenever he cries about unreasonable things?

Question

How would it affect his personality? I mean unreasonable things like when he throws tantrums, cries for unknown reasons (not the nappy, not hungry, not hot, not cold, etc.), or when he falls down by himself. I know the latter may be a bit cruel, but I'm just curious, you know. Not being a parent yet... By the way, we're talking about children aged 2 and above, not babies. Toddlers, I guess. Psychologists' and paediatricians' views are welcome.

Answer 1

He may learn that he will not get your attention by his outrageous behavior and actually grow up to be an unselfish, respectful kid.
HOWEVER, if your child falls down by accident and you ignore them that is just wrong. That is a whole other story. Of course you comfort them. That is your job.
But if they are throwing themselves down in the act of a fit for wanting something, you simply tell them that won't work with you.
You have to be tough but in a very loving way. It is your job to guide them into loving, thoughtful, respectful, unselfish humans as much as you can. And it is never easy!!

Answer 2

I'm neither a psychologist or pediatrician but I do have a strong view about children's unruly behavior: we spend too much time looking at the child instead of looking at the adults who are raising them and others with with whom the child is left alone.

If a child is raised in a loving, structured environment and is not over indulged by the parents or allowed to be over indulged by grandparents or others, there is no reason a child should have tantrums short of a medical condition or sexual abuse. (Did Dr. Phil just have a show about a 2 yr. old being molested by her own father?) Don't assume this isn't a possibility or that the opportunity did not exist. It doesn't take that long to touch a child inappropriately. I think most of the phsychological problems that exist have a root in sexual abuse.

"Catch" the child doing something good as often as possible. It can be the littlest thing like putting shoes on the right foot, using an indoor voice, hearing him/her singing a song or playing quietly. Use those opportunities to praise the child and shower him/her with hugs. Find calm moments to slow down, put the child on your lap and read her/his favorite book. (If he/she is uncomfortable sitting on your lap, there may be a problem). Give as much love and affection when appropriate and ignore those moments of antrums. There is no unreasonable crying, just a signal that something is seriously wrong in that child's life. Children don't feel safe when there are no boundaries for the child (over indulgence) and/or adults are allowed to abuse them in any way. When a child feels safe and loved, the tantrums and excessive crying will stop.

Answer 3

I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but... If I understand this correctly, you're calling a 3 year old boy whose mother was just recently murdered a devil child. For what reason? Because he expects you to be his new mother? He's 3 years old, he doesn't know any better! You're so selfish that you can't even allow your husband to spend time with his child? You think that your diamond necklace is more important than the boy's education? That's absolutely heartless. You also said that you hate him because he cries too much and he doesn't pick up after himself. That's what 3 year old's do! His mom just got murdered and you're angry because he cries too much! You don't sound like the type of person who is fit to be around children, and I hope you never have any of your own because you are an incredibly selfish person. And if you think that your husband will pick you over his son you're dead wrong. Frankly I can't even believe that you would put your husband in the position where he would have to choose his wife or his son. I can't even tell if this is a serious question or if I'm just getting trolled.

Answer 4

If your child is fed, dry, loved and comfortable, other tantrums can go unnoticed.

My 20 month old will throw tantrums if he doesn't get what he wants. Its an attention getting activity. By ignoring it, you show that you are not going to give in. Once he realizes that it doesn't get any reaction, he stops and happily moves on. No behavioural damage, he's just pushing his limits. Sometimes he gets upset because he wants something, but is unable to express it. Then comes the game of "would you like a (fill in the blank here)." If he falls over and isn't seriously hurt, I can pick him up, dust him off and give him a kiss. They fall down a lot at a young age, so we've taken to saying "kaboom" whenever he topples. He laughs and gets right back up. Falling over shouldn't be ignored, but it shouldn't be a huge deal either (otherwise they turn into those kids who scream the second they bump their toe).

As a child gets older, you can talk to them. Ask questions like "are you upset because you can't reach your toy?" or something like that.

Answer 5

I've had one of my kids throw an all out kicking and screaming on the floor tantrum in Walmart. I ignored him and walked away. He quit got up and followed. Not another word was said. (none of the other kids tried that crap either). I don't think it's unreasonable at all. Just don't forget to respond immediately if it is a legitimate reason or that cry of pain when in a different room. That way he will still be able to rely and trust in you.
As far as the falls go, I always walk over to them very calmly and let them stand up on there own (this also helps me assess if anything's broken or majorly wrong)
I've taught them "Stand up and brush it off" They remember this or I say it out loud then they forget to cry! Imagine that!

Answer 6

Hmm...Tantrums and what not need to be ignored and not encouraged. If a child throws themself down because they don't get what they want, the parent should let the child no that the behavior is not acceptable and either punish the child for behaving that way or use positive reinforcement. The child needs to be encouraged to accept that he/she does not always get whatever they want. Give them hugs and kisses when they do well. Let them know how proud you are of them. Stickers are great too!

Answer 7

I've done this with children before, but I've first looked at them with a blank look on my face and been certain they saw it before I began ignoring them. Each time their fits of bad behaviour got shorter and came less often until they stopped doing that kind of stuff. There's nothing cruel about doing this because you are teaching them not to behave like that, and you aren't hurting them by doing so. But you have to be committed to doing this and always have follow through, else you're back to square one.

Oh, every kid I did this with turned out to be pleasant children and people, and none of them ever felt that I didn't care about them.

Answer 8

I'm no parent or anything, but I read that we all develop ego at a very young age. That being said, that is where it all takes place and the mind gets conditionned to make associations. If I cry, I get love and attention for example. My cat for example (I know ,it's an animal but still, a baby one) knows exactly what cutsy sound and face to make when he wants to get what he wants. If he sees that it works he uses it more...Catch my drift!? I know I do!

Answer 9

Nothing, sometimes you need to ignore them when he/she is having a tantrum. They need to understand that they can not
have their way all the time. They need to be sent to their room
for discipline. If you give in then they will never learn. as for their
personality it will be just fine, he/she will turn out to be a better
person because of the discipline.

Answer 10

It's a good thing.

When you ignore a child when they have a temper tantrum, that's when you need to do that, you reinforce positive attention and ignore the negative attention.

It don't count when they fall down though, they need their mom to feel sorry for them and help them with a band-aid