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10 answers

short joke: 2 antennas got married. The wedding was a disaster - but the reception was great!

2006-11-11 11:21:58 · answer #1 · answered by Saffernellie 6 · 2 6

A blonde girl is driving down the street, in a hurry to get to her mani/pedi, so she starts speeding. She gets pulled over, and a blonde cop comes up to her window and says "May I see your ID?" The blonde driver starts fumbling in her purse, and after a minute, the cop says, annoyed, "It's the square with your picture on it." The blonde sees a mirror in her purse and takes it out to show to the cop. The cop looks at the mirror for a few seconds and then says "Oh... you're a cop too? Okay, you can go."


A commercial airliner is experiencing some turbulence when the pilot makes an announcement. "Something has gone wrong with the engine, I'm sorry to say, but we're heading in for a crash landing. Please stay calm." Naturally, everyone starts panicking. One lady stands up and says "SOMEBODY MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WOMAN!!" Everyone goes quiet as a man near the rear of the plane stands up. He starts walking slowly toward the woman, unbuttoning his shirt as he goes, revealing perfectly sculpted abs... when he reaches the woman, he slips off his shirt and hands it to her, and says, "Iron this."

2006-11-11 11:55:34 · answer #2 · answered by Kiki 3 · 1 0

So there was a man, and he was leaving soon on a business trip, but he didn't want his wife to get 'lonely' when he was gone, so he went to a shop to buy a dildo and asked the store clerks advice. The store clerk showed him a magic dildo- you could command it to do thing, and the command words were "dlido- (blank)". So the man buys it and takes it home, and a while later his wife uses it, but when she is done, she doesn't remember the commands, so she gets in the car and starts driving to the hospital. But her driving is bad, considering, and soon she gets pulled over by the cops. She tries to explain that she has a magic dildo stuck in her, but the policeman is skeptical. She insists and the policeman says, "Dildo, my ***"

2006-11-11 11:40:30 · answer #3 · answered by Ashley 3 · 0 0

Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed.

Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees and he would have to lay one off. But both Sarah and Jack were such good workers he was having trouble finding a fair way to do it. He decided that he would watch them work and the first one to take a break would be the one he would lay off.

So, he sat in his office and watched them work. Suddenly, Sarah gets a terrible headache and needs to take an aspirin. She gets the aspirin out of her purse and goes to the water cooler to get something to wash it down with. Mr. Smith follows her to the water cooler, taps her on the shoulder and says, "Sarah, I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."

And Sarah says, "Can you jack off? I have a headache!"

2006-11-11 11:23:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

There's a guy walking down the street, he runs into a nun.
"Oh excuse me," said the guy.
"Don't worry about it," the nun says.
The guy kept smiling at the nun.
"What?" asks the nun.
"I'm sorry," he says. "But I've always had a fantasy about kissing a nun."
The nun looks at the guy for a minute.
"Follow me," said the nun.
The nun walks to an ally followed by the guy.
"Okay, if I let you do this, you must be single and Catholic."
"Well what a coincidence I'm both," he said.
They kiss...
After wards the guy starts to cry.
"What's wrong?"
"I lied to you, I'm married and Baptist.
"Oh, well that's okay, I'm Kevin and on my way to a costume party."

2006-11-11 11:25:10 · answer #5 · answered by Airith 1 · 2 0

Two men went hunting one after noon.
Half way through the woods one went to look at his watch and discharged his gun.
He shot his partner.
It a rush of surprise he got out his cell and called 911.
He explained his situation then the operator in an attempt to calm him down she said "make sure he is dead"
Moments later " Blam"

2006-11-11 11:19:49 · answer #6 · answered by Carl-N-Vicky S 4 · 2 1

How do you get 4 elephants in a red mini metro?
( 2 in the front,2 in the back)
How do you get 2 elephants and 2 giraffes in a red mini metro?
( Buy one with a sunroof)
How do you know,when there's an elephant in the fridge?
(Footprints in the butter)
How do you know, when there's two elephants in your fridge?
( 2 sets of footprints in the butter)
How do you know if there's 3 elephants in your fridge?)
( The door won't shut)
How do you know when there's 4 elephants in your fridge?
(There's a red mini metro parked outside)

2006-11-11 11:22:54 · answer #7 · answered by mesmerized 5 · 3 0

Whats invisible and smells like carrots? Bunny farts.

2006-11-11 11:15:07 · answer #8 · answered by kevin p 2 · 0 0

Forgive me father for I have sinned."

Priest: "What have you done my child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bit**."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bit**?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bit**."

Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."

Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."

Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."

Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"

Priest: "THAT SON OF A BIT**!!!"





There was a little girl and she HATED sunday school.
She always fell asleep. One day the teacher asked her a question. Christie? Who created the earth? A little bot named Johnny behind her jabbed her with a pencil. Immediatly she shouted " GOD AlMIGHTY!" and she fell back asleep. Again her teacher asked her a question. Christie, who is our savior? and again, Johnny jabbed her in the back. "JESUS CHRIST!" christie shouted. "Good" said the teacher. And again christie fell back asleep. Then, the sunday school teacher asked her Christie? What did Eve say after she had hre 19th child? and again Johnny jabbed her in the back. " DAMN IT! IF YOU JAB THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I'M GONNA BREAK IT IN HALF!

2006-11-11 11:21:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

How do you make a hamburger dance?
Just order a burger and shake!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-11 11:17:15 · answer #10 · answered by jeff g 4 · 0 0

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