Never time?

Question

There just never seems to be anytime for my marriage. Kids go to bed at 9 and dont actually get to sleep till almost midnight. By the time kids are sleep i am so tired i just want to go to sleep. I am told once you have kids there is no private time for parents. Why should we have to put all whole lifes on hold for our children? Why is it absolutly everything we don has to be about our children? Parents need parent time to be just themselfs.

MY oldest is the one that stays up late. I put him to bed at 9 and he just dont seem to beable to settle himself. Hes not in his room wathcing TV or any of that he just cant settle and keeps going and going. Up and down the stairs i need a drink, i need this constintly.

I do know what i was getting into when i had my children.

Answer 1

You need to MAKE time for your marriage. Having children shouldn't cause this kind of trouble. Kids will do anything they want, as long as they know that they can get away with it. Why allow this to happen? You are the parent and need to set some stronger rules.

Answer 2

You need to find a way to teach your older child to settle himself and put himself to sleep. Sleep habits like this may haunt him for the rest of his life. He needs sleep and the ability to put himself to sleep.

Maybe talk to his doctor to make sure there is nothing medically keeping him up, but somehow I doubt it. The doctor may also have suggestions on helping your son sleep. Teach him to count sheep, or meditate, or whatever. You may need to wake him up at a specific time in the morning and not let him nap as well.

However, in addition to teaching him how to settle himself you need to do two things

1) You need to say NO. You need to stop giving him what he wants and you need to just take him back to his room and explain it is bedtime. Do this once per night and after that just take him back to bed and tuck him in. Do not interact with him. Just put him back in bed.

2) You need to make sure that he gets the attention he needs during the day. Maybe he needs some alone time with you each day. While the younger kids are busy with other things or sleeping. Maybe you need to keep him up for a half an hour after the other kids are put to bed for some alone snuggling and books.

Make sure he has a glass of water, enough blankets and anything you really think he needs for the night. But you must be firm and stop giving him what he wants when he gets up: your attention. Eventually he will learn to just go to sleep on his own and stop playing games. But until you put your foot down you will be dealing with a tired child, and a stressed out you and your husband. Because neither or you will get the time you need together, and just not with the kids time.

Answer 3

i have the same prob. only difference is , my kids will go to bed but i babysit my little cousins and they don't like to go to bed, no matter what time they go to bed they will never get to sleep before 12-2 in the morning. every single night. my husband is getting pretty frustrated but i stay tired because of this. so when u find a solution let me know.

Answer 4

Nice idea. Why do you let them stay up until midnight? Take the TV and computer / playstaion out of their room, and turn the lights off.

Answer 5

ok i seen this on the nanny show.. whenever he comes down for a drink or anything like that tell him no go back to bed, but dont say anything else. the nanny said its for attention, and if you don't give it to him he will stop doing it.. it takes about a week depending on your child.. it worked for the kids on the show .. hope this helps

Answer 6

Can't you set an overnight for them now and then, or send them to a movie?

I mean, I know it isn't regular, but you do have to make time for your marriage, too.

Answer 7

Well, perhaps you ought to have thought of the consequences ahead of time. As parents, you oughta be selfless for your children....

Answer 8

It is called being parent. Not always fun but it is worth it!!!!!