How do I reassure my husband that I am not cheating???
My husband is going overseas with the military. We will be apart for about a year. Lately he has been having a lot of dreams that I am cheating on him...he says I am not giving him any reason to think that...it is just a fear he has cuz it has been done to him before (previous relationship). He says it just feels so real when he wakes from the dream that he is angry at me for hours. I love him more than words can express and would never cheat on him. He has actually been the semi-unfaithful one in our relationship in the past, but I have forgiven him. How do I reassure him that I am not cheating, have no desire to cheat and will not cheat while he is gone???
2006-11-11 10:18:05 · 16 answers · asked by Proud_Army_Wife26 2 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
My definition of semi-cheated- he has had cyber relationships and phone relationships in which he told the female that we were seperated. Sent inappropriate emails and pictures...bought them gifts and told them he felt strongly for them. I dont think he has ever physically cheated but I dont know for sure. My gut says yes, but I have no proof.
2006-11-11 11:02:41 · update #1
It's only natural for a husband , or wife, to be feeling that way; especially since you two will be apart. It's sad to say, but since I live on a military base, you do see ALOT of that going on and maybe that's also why he feels the way he does. Alot of other soldiers may be putting "so-called" thoughts into his head, also. All you can do is be honest, sincere, faithful, and loving. Hopefully he will have enough faith in you to trust you completely. Being too jealous and suspicious can certainly pull people apart, also.
2006-11-11 10:54:28 · answer #1 · answered by Nancy D 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do you have any time for counseling before he goes overseas?
I think you could both benefit from it.
He may be afraid you will cheat on him because he has been semi-unfaithful, plus it sounds like he has baggage from his previous relationship.
If it were me, I would ask him the same question that you just asked. "How can I reassure you that I am not cheating, and that I am not going to cheat while you are gone?"
Once he is overseas, write, email, call, stay in touch as much and as often as possible. There is nothing worse than no communication, and wondering what is going on when you are thousands of miles away from home. That's really the best you can do.
I wish you both all the best.
2006-11-11 10:28:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you can do more than you already have. It actually sounds like he may be having guilt trips, like he's afraid that what goes around comes around. You reassure him, and he tells you that you've given him no reason so why then does he get angry at you for his dreams? Something tells me that the problem is in him. If you can, try marriage counseling before he goes. If you suspect that he's the one cheating, then I would say kick him to the curb. Once a cheater, always a cheater. And if he's meeting women online and buying them things, that is usually the last step before he meets up with them.
2006-11-11 13:46:21 · answer #3 · answered by PinkBrain 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How you talk to him and treat him will go a long ways especially when he is gone. Write often and affectionately and reassure him.
Thank you both for your service very much. I know this is hard for you both as seen by your question. Find someone he trusts to have a close relationship with (not a guy) like parents or his sister or something who can know your life well and can also reassure him.
All the best to both of you.
2006-11-11 11:54:45 · answer #4 · answered by beek 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think all you can do is just tell him. Or sometimes, writing a letter will help express feelings more clearly and it would be something he could take with him, but also make him write one to you that he won't cheat either. It is kind of unfair for him to be 'suspicious' of you when you haven't done anything and perhaps he has?!
You are truly a real gem and let him know that. Be strong and best wishes.
2006-11-11 10:29:20 · answer #5 · answered by TL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because he is military doesn't make him honest. His big guilty conscience is playing tricks on him. He is just trying to bully you into promising faithfulness. Something stinks in his tent. You are being manipulated! Internet sex and internet relationships are a form of cheating. Try to overcome the denial and see the real problems in your marriage. Or you will be in for a terrible year. Best of luck to you!
2006-11-11 14:08:07 · answer #6 · answered by whrldpz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's just him feeling guilty about his fooling around. I think in his own way he is telling you that he might cheat on you when he goes away but instead, he blames this future cheating on you. And what do you mean by "semi-unfaithful" your either unfaithful or not, there are no gray areas in between.
2006-11-11 10:35:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you got a real winner... he's just such a punk that it's unfathomable to him that someone can actually be faithful throughout a year long separation. You know they have internet in Iraq right? And, yes, there is a lot of sex that goes on over there. If I was you I'd be worrying about what he's about to do...
2006-11-11 12:19:06 · answer #8 · answered by NCMOMMAAC 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He's looking for an excuse to get out. He's trying to put his actions off on you. Sorry, but this is unlikely to end well for your relationship.
2006-11-11 11:50:03 · answer #9 · answered by Chris H 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear that...
Sounds like he has trust issues...and if you know ur not going to cheat on him, then he just needs to get over it.
2006-11-11 10:29:12 · answer #10 · answered by TheAnswer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋