She's young, intelligent, beautiful, funny and vivacious and we've know each other since she was 14 and I was 12. It's only a matter of time now. She's had a double mastectomy, but now everythings gone to her lungs and she's no longer on chemo. My brother is no longer going to work and he's by her side 24 hours. My mom calls them as they are 800 miles away from us but I don't call because I don't want to be a burden. I know how much it wears her out to talk to people on the phone and I don't know what to say or how to be. Does anyone have any advice?
2006-11-11 09:48:58 · 18 answers · asked by Christy 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Except for one rude answer , I just want to let everyone know how much I appreciate their input and advice. I will call my sister-in-law today - and will talk to my brother too.
Since most everyone was so straight and true with their advice and spoke from their heart to mine, most all the answers posted are valuable to me. My question was not a contest for Best Answer, so I will leave that resolution up to anyone who wishes to vote.
Thank you all again!
2006-11-11 21:18:01 · update #1
I called my brother and sister-in-law today. Told Sis how much I loved her. She told me she was glad I called because she's worried about the stress my brother is under and wanted to make sure I would be there for him. I assured her I would be and I am so glad I called. Thanks to everyone who encouraged me! :)
2006-11-12 14:18:25 · update #2
Let her know that you love her, and be supportive. It's rough to loose someone that you love to cancer; been there, done that. Good luck!
2006-11-11 09:52:10 · answer #1 · answered by grandm 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell her how much you love her and how much having her in your life means to you. Tell her things like I know you will be watching over me, and that will always mean so much.
Remind her of all the funny and good stuff you have gotten up to over the time. Tell her how much you have learnt from her.
These are a few ideas. My best advice is that while you have to be strong, she is allowed to see that you are sad.
For yourself, as hard as this is, remember that when the time comes she won't be in any pain anymore. that has helped me.
If she can't talk on the phone much, and you can't get to her...then send her flowers, and letters (they can be read to her). If you do call her, then let her know that she doesn't need to say anything, you are just calling to tell her that you love her very much.
Being there for someone is not a burden. Sounds like you want to be there for her and her family, and that is not being a burden. Talk to her brother and ask him what you can do, if in doubt then ask those in the family...use that support that is there.
I am sorry this is happening to your family, my thoughts and prays go out to you.
2006-11-11 10:03:29 · answer #2 · answered by chelles_insanity 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you right now, the worst thing you can do is not do anything. No matter how hard it is for you, no matter how difficult it is for you to see her suffer, you must make an effort to contact her and let her know how much you love her. I don't think she would be upset to be awakened by a phone call if it's you on the other end telling her how much you love her. It is okay to be upset, it is okay to have feelings of "I don't know what to say or do", it is okay to be scared.... and you know what, it is probably OK to tell her you're scared, too. If you could arrange a way to visit her, even for a day, I know it would make both her and you feel better. You could read her one of her favorite books. You could make a craft together. You could sit on her bed and hold her hand and cry with her.... there's no shame in that. I urge you to do something to let her know you're there for her. No act of kindness toward her will ever go unappreciated at this difficult time. :)
2006-11-11 16:04:43 · answer #3 · answered by lilpointyhat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
obviously you are an intelligent, articulate person. express to her in a letter how you feel about her. Recall to her your memories of how you met and let her know how she has enriched your life just by knowing her. Tell her all the ways you admire her and how proud you are that she is a member of your family. Tell her you love her. If you put it down on paper,it is a tangible thing that she can read over and over.
Also try to remember something funny or amusing that the two of you shared. Comic relief never hurts. Just please don't make the choice to do nothing. Send several letters if possible.
2006-11-11 14:53:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call her, even if she can't talk she needs to know that she is loved and thought of. Not calling her tells her you don't care. If she is very close to you, ask your brother if you can fly out for a weekend and give him some help. Even that little bit will mean so much to both of them.
My Mom was dying of cancer and my brother hadn't talk to her for 5 years. The day before she died she asked to see him, I called him and he came. It meant so much to her that she could see her son one more time and makeup with him. It meant so much to him to be forgiven by her. She died 6 hours after his visit. My point is - once she is gone you will regret not having at least called her.
2006-11-11 09:58:42 · answer #5 · answered by kny390 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You must understand, you don't have to say anything. If you can't get on the phone with her, drop her a letter. Remind her of all your good times together, and how much you love her and what she has meant to you and the family for the years. Tell her if she needs someone just to listen or hold her hand, or even to yell at, your there for her.. Just be a presence for her... Thoughts are with you and your family.....
2006-11-11 10:12:48 · answer #6 · answered by tmjf461 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sure. They provided me a similar situation. Double Mastectomy. No chemo. I went with the lumpectomy and 6 weeks of radiation nevertheless...particular i contemplate whether I made the main suitable decision, yet i grew to become into not in the temper for a double mastectomy. No, she isn't death. not at a point 0...
2016-10-21 22:23:38 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be there for her, send cards, tell her everything thats in your heart, and be there for your brother. Let him know that you are there if ever he wants to talk. He needs someone now to talk too. Its hard for everyone dealing with a terminal illness
2006-11-11 11:57:03 · answer #8 · answered by heather 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
take ur lead from her if she wants to talk about the cancer and dying she will. otherwise just say the things u wud usually say to her, maybe acting as u usually wud cud give her some sense of normallity and take her mind off everything for a minute or two. just let her no ur there if she needs u
2006-11-11 10:04:46 · answer #9 · answered by jandooritandoori 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For your own sake you need to place one call.
You need to tell her directly that you love her now, and always have - and that you will always be there for her husband, your brother. She knows she is dying - your announcement is not going to alarm her about her own condition.
The worst thing that can happen is that you wont tell her these simple things while you have time. You'll regret not making this call, or paying that one visit!
Its hard! But do it!
2006-11-11 09:52:37 · answer #10 · answered by Clarkie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The answers are all fine and specially i recommend either clarkie or kny 390 answers
my deep sorrow for your sister in law
2006-11-11 10:20:15 · answer #11 · answered by Thank God 4 everything 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋