How does a guy defuse an arguement with his girlfriend?

Question

I've tried everything. Even after I say "okay your right" she just keeps talking. I say "okay you win" and she feels the need to keep trying to get her point across. She always needs the last word and the words that come after the last words. Help!

Answer 1

Ignore her.

Answer 2

It sounds like he's emotionally abusive. In relationships there'll consistently be arguments here and there. yet you're able to prefer to be in a relationship that the coolest outweighs the undesirable. Do you think of he's like this countless the time or merely each so often? that is that he's merely obdurate and would not prefer to swallow his delight while incorrect. however the call calling is punctiliously unacceptable and exhibits immaturity. you're able to truly sit down and take a glance at to have a verbal replace approximately it and tell him how plenty it hurts you. you're able to in all possibility stay away from calling him names back so as that he can not carry it against you once you attempt to chat approximately it. i've got been in this occasion. I spoke with him and confirmed him how plenty it become hurting me the way he become treating me. i understand there is not any suitable relationship, and that i actually can not choose yours through fact i don't understand each thing on the subject of the area. merely understand that if he loves you he will you're able to be a greater effective guy.

Answer 3

Just say "Yes Honey" "You're right honey" "I am glad that you are communicating how you feel" "What can I do to fix the problem?" Keep saying these things and things will work just fine. Don't get into a confrontation with a girlfriend, because such confrontations are almost unwinnable. Say you win the argument, great, now you can forget about any affection or intamacy. Thus, you still lose.

Answer 4

She doesn't want you to just say that she's right, she wants you to know that she's right. Even if she's wrong (or only somewhat right). She doesn't want to accept anything less.

For the times that she isn't right, I don't know why you don't tell her so and tell her why, if she'll let you get a word in edgewise. If you're not going to stand up to her, then you have three choices as I see them, other than what you are doing now.

1) Dump her.

2) Listen and repeat back to her everything thing that she is saying so that she knows you've heard her. Do it as she is talking at you (I'd say "to you" but "at you" is more accurate).

3) Kill yourself.

I don't suggest number 3 as an option.

Answer 5

First of all, grow up and realize that not everyone thinks just like you do (especially women).

To diffuse an argument, she needs to know that you "get it". When you tell her she's right, you simply dismiss her, and she finds that disrespecful and condescending. She may even lash out at you to get back at you.

You need to have EMPATHY. For her to know that you "get it," you have to walk a mile in her shoes, see with her eyes. You have to tell her what you understand to be the problem from HER perspective. Even if you are just guessing. That demonstrates genuine sincerity and effort (which goes a long way with women).

You have to say "Ok, so I guess you must be feeing hurt because I said/did that, and you probably think I meant to insult you, right? Correct me if I am wrong....." Then, and only then, will you be allowed to clarify your intent (explain what you really meant). Otherwise, you will be talking to a wall.

There is no right/wrong and win/lose here. The point is to understand that we all think and perceive differently. We need to make that extra effort to understand each other before reacting emotionally. Perception does not equal intent. What she thinks you meant, might not be what you intended.

Seek to understand FIRST, before expecting to be understood.

Do this and she will automatically respond diferently to you. You have to decide that the relationship needs a hero, and you will be the hero. You will go the extra mile to understand her.

Women communicate by sharing feelings and supporting each other. Men communicate by exchanging information and offering solutions. If she keeps talking, she is looking for support. Show her you want to understand, and that you appreciate her point of view (even if you don't agree).

All peoples' feelings are legitimate, even if we don't understand or agree with them. Sometimes they are based on faulty logic, or misunderstood intent.

Pay attention to her emotional needs. She needs to feel like you want to understand her and you care about her point of view. Do this BEFORE you share yours, and DO NOT try to "convince" her to see things your way.

We all think that we are right, justified, and blameless. That's called Self-Preservation. Empathy is when you respect that the other person thinks that, even if their point of view conflicts with yours.

She just wants to know that you "get it", so shpw her by repeating her problem IN YOUR OWN WORDS. Then tell her how you think she must feel. Do not offer a solution. Just compassion. By going the extra mile, this can sometimes be enough for her to feel supported and cared about.

Try to end every agrument with a mutual understanding. Before you assume that the debate is over, ask her "So, are we ok?" If she isn't, she will let you know.

It takes a real man to make this kind of effort. You do not ever have to try to control your emotions. They are not a weakness. You only need concern yourself with controling your own behavior. Bad behavior due to lack of impulse control, IS a weakness.

And by controling your own behavior, you inspire others to behave differently. You "fix" her behavior by fixing yours. It just happens, trust me.

Answer 6

it is very important that you recognize and validate her, so by saying 'your right" or by ignoring you are saying her thoughts and feelings are not valid. try it next time start by saying , "I fully understand your feelings (or thoughts)" or if you don't say "I am trying to understand your feelings and thoughts if you can just slow down and let me digest this" see some women need to know they have been heard and be validated, don't ask why probably its from all the centuries of not being either of these things and having been made to feel inferior. Now its not enough to KNOW we are superior to men we need to hear men acknowledge and admit it at times.

Answer 7

Change your environement surroundings. When you walk in your house or apartment or trailer and you see the same ole same ole looks. It becomes you and then depression sets in with the mood. Change the envrionment with a whole new look and then attitude will lessen and follow it up with annice out together doing something she wants to do:):)

Answer 8

She keeps on because you aren't really listening and are just giving her lip service. Try really listening and when you say "I understand you are upset when I leave the toilet seat up" whatever the issue is, repeat it so she knows you really "get it".

Answer 9

obviously she is an arguer and you are not.
you can get along...just refuse to engage..tell her you will sit down and discuss things when she cools down ...if she won't leave you alone until then, go for a walk, go to the store, start painting the house...anything to remove yourself from the situation
also, tell her its okay if we disagree i still love you...who could stay mad after that?

Answer 10

she is one of those girls that you should just let loose because she is just gonna try to give you a one-way ticket to hell ( if she hasn't done it already ). talk to her about her behavior and tell her that she needs to treat you fairly. if she does not agree on what she needs to do in order to make the relationship..lets say "less aggravating" then just cut her loose.

Answer 11

Just be understanding. She probably thinks you are being sarcastic or something. Show her that you really do agree with her. And if you are just saying that to shut her up...then....um....then apologize again and again. Be sympathetic.
Good Luck! ;-)