My girlfriend does and doesnt do a couple things that bother me. Should I let these things get to me?

Question

Weve been dating just over a year. We are both in our mid twenties. Her last relationship ended badly, he broke up with her after five years. Early in their relationship, she did cheat on him but she was 19 at the time. Now that weve been dating things have been going well except she still seems to have trouble opening up emotionally to me. Just recently she has been able to let me know she loves me but that was through a card and a gift. But she has never actually said it to me. I asked her if she could and she just said apperently she is doing enough to show me and that I am calling her a liar by asker her if she could say she loves me. I realize she got hurt bad by the guy she probably thought she would marry. But that relationship ended almost a year and a half ago. She says she fears she will get hurt again so thats why she doesnt open up through words and open up her emotions. However she expects me to but when I do she cant really respond the way she either wants to or...

.. the conversation usually ends up being one sided. If she cant fully open up back to me i am to the point where I am just going to keep my mouth shut and not even bother.
I just dont understand why she expects me to and wants me to but she cant do it herself.
She says I apperently dont see the things she does for me that I guess means that she loves me. But I do but whats wrong with actually communicating it verbally once and a while? I mean if thats how she feels
and does love me, why cant she just say it?
I also have fears of getting hurt, but I guess that is normal and life. I told her about that again recently and she cant
even promise me she would never cheat on me or full around with someone. This is her
response when I asked her:

"im not going to go out of my way to hurt u or do anything on purpose to cause u pain, ive made the mistake of doing that and i felt horrible about it because it was selfish and unneccesary. i also know what it feels like to be hurt, mostly emotionally..which makes me believe that ive allowed myself to be the way i am sometimes because of that. i cant make u any promises because im human just like u are, but if i can i will do whatever i could do to prevent bad things from occuring"
I know she means well, but should I let it bother me or bring it up to her the fact that
she cant even promise she would never cheat on me or something of the sort? How hard is it
to be able to promise you wont do that unless you think theres a chance you might do that?
I know with out a doubt that I would never cheat on her. I realize things happens sometimes
but that is because a person lets them happen. I love her and I am with her because I want
to be.

If ever I would want to cheat on her, i would just break up with her. Its not that
hard in my mind to not cheat on someone. Just dont do it, or break up with them if you
want to sleep with someone else. Am I blowing this out of proportion? How can I get her
to open up more? She always says the same thing about being hurt emotionally but how long
should it keep her from being closed off? How do I approach her about this again or should I
just not say anything else about it and give her more time?

Answer 1

Well first of all answer a few questions yourself. Do you care about her and love her? I mean really. It sounds like you do. Anyway would you ever break her heart like he did? If not and you trust yourself with her, then try this one. Don't try to force anything out of her. This is what I said to my girlfriend who actually had something of the sort happen to her. " Look I know you've been hurt. But i just want you to know that I love you and I care for you. I would never hurt you in anyway, and I know you've been told this before. But if you'll just open up and give me a chance then I promise you that won't happen to you again. This guy cares about you and I just want you to know. Any time you need anyone you have me. And even if you don't feel the same way, or don't know if you will ever love again, I love you." That worked for me and she confessed her feelings. I think if you can ballpark that it'll work. But it's your decision. To be honest I'm not sure I'd get deep relationship advice from anyone on here. But I think it'll work for you. Just trying to help you out man.

Answer 2

My brother had a girlfriend die when they were both teenagers. They were talking about marriage and living together. After she died he fell apart and has never been the same. He's dated but not anything really serious. Until now. But, the woman he loves and wants he's afraid is going to die on him too. He pushes her away emotionally and has only admitted once that he loves her. She's moved out. Your situation reminded me of this and I thought I'd share it. Your girlfriend is afraid of getting too close because she's trying to save herself from the possible hurt and pain that any relationship is suseptable to. If you keep telling her that you love her (Every day - at the end of each phone call, after she's just given you a card or gift) one of these days she's going to say it back and feel good that she finally was able to let her guard down a little. Maybe if you open up to her more, she'll become more open with you. Talk about how certain things make you feel (without pressuring her to tell you how she feels).

Answer 3

Shes just making u pay for the guy she was with before's mistakes...and thats just what us females do to protect ourselves from being hurt, its natural....and even though it was a long time ago, shes never gonna forget it, and I think that you should just show what it feels like to be with a real assnigga who knows how to treat a lady, and tell her how you feel even if she doesn't and eventually when she realizes that she can trust you with her heart, she'll open it up to you. She's just put up what I call walls around her heart, and that lame did that to her, but tell her that you're not him, so dont make me pay for his mistakes. She cant always hold herself back though either, just cuz she got pushed down by that lame, she needs to rise above that and be strong and take chances, cuz you cant wait for ever, she cant hold back forever either, and thats what lifes about, is taking chances, you're just gonna have to be patient and keep doing what your doing, and eventually you'll break them walls!

Answer 4

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