My question is... My mother has been against us from the start. My dad has been quiet. My fiancées mother and brother are happy about the whole thing. My mother has tried and failed to split us up but we will never be parted so - the wedding. Do we invite everyone but my mother, or should we invite her too? Surely she wouldn't cause trouble at a wedding. Maybe we should just invite her to the reception. We've agonised about this for months. Someone help - please?
2006-11-11 06:08:21 · 44 answers · asked by Kezzi T 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Note: we are in the UK where this relationship is totally legal. OK, my question is... My mother has been against us from the start. My dad has been quiet. My fiancées mother and brother are happy about the whole thing. My mother has tried and failed to split us up but we will never be parted so - the wedding. Do we invite everyone but my mother, or should we invite her too? Surely she wouldn't cause trouble at a wedding. Maybe we should just invite her to the reception. We've agonised about this for months. Someone help - please?
2006-11-11 06:20:27 · update #1
For those who might be a little confused about the legalities, birth deformities (our son is perfect in every way), etc. there is a great resource at http://www.cousincouples.com/
2006-11-11 06:46:42 · update #2
Marrying a first cousin is perfectly legal in the United Kingdom. Weddings can be pretty explosive events even though guests should have it in mind that they are there to celebrate the couple's happiness.
It would be best to invite your mother with an official invitation and enclose a short note saying that she would be welcome to celebrate your happiness but you would understand if she couldn't attend in that spirit.
Good luck and a long future happiness to you.
2006-11-11 06:16:44 · answer #1 · answered by Raymo 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Yes, you should invite your mother, her heart may be breaking right now, but that's no reason to cut her out of your life. Leave a door open and let her know that it will always be open. Who knows, she might be able to accept your relationship someday, I'm sure she still loves you. But it will take time. You should not underestimate how difficult it will be for her to come to terms with this. After all most parents never imagine that their children will go on to marry their own relatives, it still feels very weird and wrong. Your mother is just thinking like most people do. Sorry to say that, but it's true. :-/
2006-11-11 07:28:08 · answer #2 · answered by Butterscotch 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why invite people who you are worried will cause a stink? I don't understand this feeling that people NEED to invite family to functions if they are against you. Why not invite the people who support you & are true friends? Focus on what your wedding is about - what it means to you. Maybe invite just a couple of witnesses to make it legal & enjoy your day. You don't need people there who give you grief. GOod luck.
2006-11-11 20:15:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think your mother is just a little weirded out by the situation. You have to admit that marrying your first cousin is...well...different. I mean think of it from her perspective. My son is marrying my sister's daughter, my niece. Just a wee bit hard for her I am sure! What I would do is sit down with your mother and just talk. Tell her how much you love ur fiance and how despite the weirdness of the situation, you are going through with this b/c u love her! and if ur mom is still being rude about it, then say u will obviously invite her but tell her not to come if she is going cause any trouble or just be sulky the entire time. good luck!
2006-11-11 06:13:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Hi and first of all I think it is pretty cool that you are engaged to your cousin. I bet you are really close but I guess it could make some family members feel uneasy.
Your mother is being a bit selfish. If she has done nothing but give you grief then I would NOT invite her. She could cause trouble and it would spoil your day.
Let your mother wallow in it. Invite your father. He could tell her all about it when he gets home!
Enjoy the day, it is your day. Inviting her would be inviting trouble. You could always send her some cake!
Good luck and BE HAPPY!
2006-11-11 06:23:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Ahaaaa, this is a sure sign of Griebaturism, very rare, but I have come upon it before, not here in England but while touring the Keys in Florida, one of the islands is called Marathon, there they have a family who are called the Griebats, this family have been inbreeding for close to three centuries, in some severe cases namely one in France shortly after the first world war, they hung Herbert Montaray Griebats, thinking him a monkey, sounds crazy I know. The condition of Griebaturism manifests itself by way of covering either parts or in rare cases all of the body with excess hair. I would suggest not considering building a family as the horror of bearing a chimp like child to be too much to bear. Lots of luck to you
2006-11-11 13:48:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it's only right to invite her, that way you were being the bigger person, and it can be up to her whether she will act civil or act like a child.
And even if it is legal where you are, I don't think it was a good idea to include the 'first cousin' bit in the question. It's only inviting a lot of banjo/hillbilly/Kentucky jokes, if you ask me. Being that I'm in the US, where it is very illegal, I find it really, really squicky.
2006-11-11 16:02:20 · answer #7 · answered by Queen Queso 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well congrats and good luck first off!!! and as for inviting your mother i would do as even tho she is against it all she would be hurt and upset if she didnt get an invite, you carnt single her out of the biggest day of your life because she is mad with you she will see how happy you are together and if things do go wrong you can tell her that you invited her because you love her and if she loved you she will not spoil your day!
hope it all goes well, x
2006-11-11 20:12:52 · answer #8 · answered by mummyzgall 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The people that are saying that you're sick need to shut up. 100 years ago marrying your cousin was normal. Many kings and queens married their cousins.
See what society does to us?
Invite everyone. Show that you're not ashamed of your love. If your mom can't accept you, then talk to her about it. Inviting her would prove you're the stronger person since you can still include her in this even if she doesn't see eye-to-eye with you.
2006-11-11 09:03:04 · answer #9 · answered by Savannah 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Invite her. You don't have a problem with her, she has a problem with you. So be mangnanimous, invite her, and leave it in her hands whether she's going to attend or not. At least you will have offered.
Edit: FYI, the US is the only western country with cousin marriage restrictions, and even here the majority of states do allow cousins to marry. Modern genetic science shows that restrictions on cousin marriage are outdated and unnecessary. It's strictly a cultural issue, not a medical one. Albert Einstein and Charles Darwin both married their first cousins.
2006-11-11 06:19:51 · answer #10 · answered by EQ 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋