After a little over 5 months of dating (read previous questions I've asked to follow my story) my relationship with my guy has been a very good one, but an odd one. We still do not call each other boyfriend/girlfriend, and it has a lot to do with the fact that at the 3month stage, we had a conversation about where this was going, and we both determined that this was not going to be serious, and that we could date other people, etc. I knew he had been talking to his ex-girlfriend (the one he dated for over 3 years) frequently, but then 2 weeks ago, he suddenly said that he has never in his life dated 2 people at the same time, and he couldn't imagine me doing it either. I interpreted this as he wanting to be 'exclusive,' and we have been acting like a couple anyway (I hadn't seen other people, and he hasn't either since we started dating), and so I was happy, although it was a very indirect way of talking. In the course of the 5months, this was the first time he had ever brough up
2006-11-11 05:16:52 · 13 answers · asked by ohsoconfused 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
the issue of our relationship. Prior to that talk, he had been acting like a 'real' boyfriend than ever before, so I was happy that he wanted to be exclusive... except that from his sentence, he didn't make it all that clear. Finally, last night when he stayed over, he brought up the subject again, by saying 'What do you think of our relationship?' Of course, me NOT wanting to be the first one to say, "I want to be official, I want us to be real couple," I said, "I don't know what I think of it... except that I like what we have." He turned to me and said, "You know, I was thinking about this, and I realized that since we're both not really serious, we never get in fights, and we get along great. I think it's because we don't have 'expectations' for each other, like we would if we were to be serious." This crushed me for some reason... it was him saying that he wasn't serious... then he added, "But if I found that you were with another guy... I'd be upset." This almost sounded as tho
2006-11-11 05:17:33 · update #1
gh he was saying this because I didn't respond in the way he wanted me to. Then he started talking about his ex (who lives in Pennsylvania, we live in Georgia), how he is going through the process of getting rid of a lot of things he had kept from this relationship (taking down photos from myspace, getting rid of cards thats he had sent him that he had up on the bulletin board, etc.) He was honest by saying that he had been talking to her quite frequently... but that then he stopped talking to her cold turkey this past month, and that it was time he moved on, which made me somewhat happy. I was never upset about him talking to his ex because we weren't official ever, so he had every right to. SO, here's my question. What does he want? His words say one thing, but his actions says another! My standpoint is that I'm afraid to say that I want to be official, and he saying "I don't think so" and being rejected. Is he feeling the same way too, or does he not want this relationship?
2006-11-11 05:19:14 · update #2
you need to talk to him and tell him what you want and see where he stands on it.relationships are all about communicating so.........
2006-11-11 05:23:22 · answer #1 · answered by donald k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like he does want to be exclusive but he's so vague about it, how can you be sure? Since you want to take your relationship to the next level, I would just come out and ask him point blank where this is headed. If he says, "Oh, I want it to be casual for a long time, maybe forever," then you have to decide whether that's what you really want and take it from there. Guys sometimes have a hard time explaining their feelings and where they stand on issues of the heart. I'd just ask him! Hope everything turns out well.
2006-11-11 05:27:10 · answer #2 · answered by Gayle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your situation sounds completely like when a relationship starts out as nothing serious and the guy wants to start getting serious. They aren't ever going to say it right out what they want. They'll ask a lot of questions about how you feel about the relationship. In turn, trying to pull it out of you what you want. If you want to be a couple, then tell him. He more than likely wants to be,but it unsure of what you want.
2006-11-11 05:28:13 · answer #3 · answered by jadelily78 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To tell you the truth I dont think he is over his ex completely. And he wants you for himself but want to be an open book when it comes to himself. If youreally have true feelings for this guy then he needs to hear it and you need to find out what his expectations are in this relationship before you go head over heels with a broken heart.
2006-11-11 05:25:22 · answer #4 · answered by 2wild4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone is afraid of rejection but it seems to me that the only way you're going to get some real answers is to tell him how you feel and in turn find out where he stands. If it eases your anxiety it seems to me that he may feel the same way you do but may be afraid to say so as well. Sit down and talk to him and you might be pleasantly surprised.
2006-11-11 05:29:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
how old are you people??? all it takes is one serious conversation. playing hide and seek doesnt get you anywhere!!! sit down and just talk. communication is essential in any kind of relationship. you said you didnt want to be the first one to say you want to be official??? why not??? this is stupid and childish for me and it means you're not ready for a real and mature relationship. hope you finally figure out what is it that you want in life and from this "relationship"...
2006-11-11 05:27:35 · answer #6 · answered by smart_girl_pl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think he wants to be with you and only you for a while there he had his cake and ate it too and nows wants to go on a diet by cutting things in half right? i'd say tell him that you really love the idea of him finally getting over her and that you want to be for real this time.maybe hes just testing you to see how serious you really are about him so he can find out if hes truely ready to be with only you
2006-11-11 05:29:19 · answer #7 · answered by jinx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your guy is not sure of you so he can't make up his mind! He is trying to find out if you are in fact dating others. He sounds like it isn't okay but it is okay. He wouldn't do it but then he doesn't want to be serious just in case he does. Why don't you speak clearly to each other instead of guessing?
2006-11-11 05:24:49 · answer #8 · answered by mich 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he wants all the perks of being a couple, but doesn't want the attachment...girl you know what the heck i am gonna say..if he's not willing to be exclusive and committ, then you are wasting your time......he's gonna play you and have other ladies too, because you all are allowed to date others....what about pregnancy and disease? what if he brings you a disease or get another chick pregnant?GET RID OF HIM
2006-11-11 05:26:24 · answer #9 · answered by BOOYAH 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him you want to be exclusive and if he says he doesn't then move on cause the guy doesn't know what he wants and isn't being fair to you.
2006-11-11 05:22:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ya'll need to quit dancing around the subject. you both need to be honest with eachother. sorry but this sounds like something a highschool freshmen were asking about. be adult and seriously talk about it.A
2006-11-11 05:32:15 · answer #11 · answered by bbydol221 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋