Jokes and puts down my weight? I am not huge and the last time I went for a check up I found out that i'd even lost a LOT of weight. But that is not good enough for him and he didnt even notice that. I'm also not as skinny as some of his previous girlfriends. He constantly puts my weight down and last night he was reading an intimacy book about sex positions, and he pointed out several that he claims we cant try because of my weight. It was humiliating. This is why I made the decision to just not be intimate with him anymore...because he makes me feel embarressed about my body. I don't even like to eat around him because i'm scared he will talk about me eating. We want to get married soon but I am not sure I can marry someone who is constantly putting down my size. How do I get him to stop so that we can make it down the aisle in peace?
2006-11-11 05:01:46 · 24 answers · asked by Shannon83 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think you're right to think twice about marrying him, and I probably wouldn't.
Not only is he being insensitive to you by putting you down, he almost seems to get off on doing it. It sounds to me like he's going out of his way to make the effort be hurtful. He's not concerned about your health, just about how appealing you are to him.
It's not up to you to make him stop. Loving someone means that you respect them, and what he's doing is disrespectful. He's not going to change just because you get married. You can't go through the rest of your life dealing with the criticism and not being able to eat around him. It sounds to me that, in addition to being thoughtless he's being controlling.
Marriage can be challenging under the best of circumstances. Life will throw you curves; when that happens, you want to have a partner at your side. You want someone who loves you, honors you, respects you. You want someone who challenges you to be your best self, not someone who is constantly criticizing you.
I believe that you will be very unhappy if your marry your boyfriend. There's nothing about your question that indicates you're happy with him. It's OK not to marry him. At the very least, delay the marriage indefinitely until he's proved that he's worthy of your. I don't think he's up to the challenge.
Good luck!
2006-11-11 05:15:21 · answer #1 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why are you still with this guy?
Have some dignity and dump this guy. You said you were thinking marriage, but I would seriously rethink this if I were you. Do you want to spend your life trying to please someone that is that callous? If you're losing weight, and feel happy about it, then keep it up and even set some goals. Your happiness is every bit as important as his in the relationship. If your needs aren't being met now, then I fear that it won't improve, and may even get worse.
Treat yourself right, dress in a way that accentuates your assets, and get involved in activities that you enjoy. If this relationship doesn't work out, then you'll be in a better position to meet someone who will appreciate you as you are. There are a lot of men who really do like plus size women.
2006-11-11 05:13:24 · answer #2 · answered by mike w 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I do not think that marriage, at this point should even be an option. It appears to me that all he wants is to dominate a relationship and wants things his way. You need to be comfortable with yourself! If you are content with how you look, then that is what should be important.
Good for you that he can not partake of the pleasures of you. Keep him cut off and consider telling him to get lost. If he really does love you, he will be willing to accept that he is an arrogant and self centered jerk. He should also be willing to make amends for his mean and mentally abusive nature. Mental or emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse and can leave scars that do not heal. Compromise and negotiation is usually what creates peace in a relationship, but when it is one sided the couple does not win. Don't just settle if what you want is marriage, you need to be happy with your choices and your life. Your happiness should be important to him as much as his happiness is important to you. Not one over the other!!!!
2006-11-11 05:15:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Girl, open up your eyes and take a closer look at the man you love. Is he worth the it; the name calling and the put downs? My advice to you is get out as soon as you can because it's harder to leave when you are marry. NOBODY deserves to be call fat or made fun of, especially by the person who is suppose to cherish you. Find a better man who'll love your mind and heart, not your weight. Because what will happen if someday he wants you to weight at 15 lbs? Are your seriously going to do it?
2006-11-11 05:12:36 · answer #4 · answered by Iileen 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
you know try talking to your boyfriend about it and how his jokes and the things he say make you feel. If he loves you and really wants to spend his life with you he'll understand after all none of us want to hurt the person we love. If that doesnt help i would say (as harsh as it may seem) dump him. If he cannot accept you the way you are and make you feel bad he doesnt deserve you gal and most of it dont really pay attention to what he says. Do whatever you feel comfortable with. If you're ok with your weight and the way you look dont change yourself for someone who's in secure and finds pleasure in putting other people down.
Best of luck to you and i hope you will be with a person that supports you and accepts you the way you are!!! :)
2006-11-11 05:13:51 · answer #5 · answered by smart_girl_pl 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He will never stop, don't marry this moron, he is all about appearences, not about the quality of your heart. Next guy that comes along, don't sleep with them, thats the only way to find out if a guy really loves you. When you bring sex into a relationship, the friendship part suffers. Sex outside of marriage only gives the man control over you.
2006-11-11 05:17:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Girl I hope you don't even walk down tha aisle with that loser if he's constantly puttin down your weight then why are yall togetha talk to him and if he really loves you he wouldn't care if you were three hundred pounds And if you can't have sex with him and enjoy it without constantly thinking what hes thinking about your weight. Then it's not a good relationship at all
2006-11-11 05:09:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
How do you tell if a guy is 'the one'? When you are happy together. This guy isn't making you happy, and he's not happy with you either. He's in love with a mythical person that he thinks lives in your body. He's not trying to find out about the real you.
2006-11-11 05:12:23 · answer #8 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People come in all shapes and sizes. What is important is if you are healthy and okay with yourself. Instead of putting you down he should support you and try to do activities together that would help both of you. You first love yourself and if he can't accept you, he is not worth it. I am sure there are things about him that are not perfect.
2006-11-11 05:12:05 · answer #9 · answered by confuzed 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, i think of approximately my lady buddy each and all of the time. that's a sprint extraordinary which you have had a weigh down on him for that long nevertheless, not which you will help it, yet perhaps not stating that... it would desire to extraordinary him out.
2016-10-21 22:04:00 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋