Heartbroken...how do I stop being hurt all the time?

Question

I was involved with this guy first as friends and then it turned into more. He said he loved me. He said he couldn't live without me. He said I meant the world to him. I believed him. Then he just ends it like nothing ever mattered, like we were just buddies or something. How do I stop being hurt all the time? It seems like I'm always the one who gets hurt in relationships. Should I never believe another guy again? Am I an unlovable person? How can I stop this hurt? I feel sick to my stomach and I can't stop crying. I just want the pain to stop.

Answer 1

I am so sorry you are hurting so bad! Realize this is YOUR life, do not let what another has done to you dictate how you feel. Life is way to short. You are not unlovable. You are probably a very nice trusting person who has just ended up with guys who were no near being in your league. There are good guys out there. You'll meet one when you least expect it. But take it slow!!!
It is OK to hurt, for a while. But you can't stop living your life or just having that hurt in your life. Deal with it and move on. You can do it. Take control and when you do it'll happen.

Answer 2

You will not stop hurting for awhile so allow yourself time to get through this. The pain you feel is almost like someone died, and yet that person is still around, having fun, acting as if nothing happened.

This guy that hurt you probably did love you, or at least thought he loved you...at the time. I know it doesn't seem possible that he so easily could walk away, yet, he was somehow able to do it regardles of your broken heart, and spirit. He may experience this pain on day himself, and until then he can't know how hard this is for you.

For now, you have no choice but to feel the pain. Nothing on earth can make it disappear...except time. Time is a great healer. So, stay very close to your friends and family. Stay busy. And cry whenever you need to. Don't hold back the tears as they will help in your healing.

Then, if possible, find out "exactally" why he broke up with you. You may already have an idea but if you don't, you need to. The reason you need to know is because you want to be able to have confidence in your next relationship. If the guy gives you a specific reason he broke it off, like another girl, then you can know he wasn't really committed to you. Better to know now than after marriage. But, if he is specific in saying he thought you were; too needy, jealous, high maintenence or 'fill in the blank,' then you can learn from that.

If you take time to examine yourself, you may find you are 'just right' and that the reason he broke up with you had more to do with him as a person, than you.

Why he made you believe you were the one and only, and suddenly dropped you, you may never know. But remember, you are going to find love again. For now, you can't imagine ever loving anyone again, or moving on. Yet, in time, this heartache will lessen.

This type of pain is one of the worst pains a person can endure. It feels terrible...all the time, every second of the day. The only time it doesn't hurt is when you are asleep. So accept that you will feel this way for awhile.

Then, out of the blue, maybe weeks, or months from now, you will have a day that the pain isn't so bad. And you will have some relief. That day is coming. Down the road apiece. So be looking for it.

Then you will have earned a certain sisterhood with all the other girls that have been through this. And it will be your turn to encourage them and help them survive what seems unsurvivable.

And trust me, you WILL find love again. And next time, you will have this experience under your belt and you will have a wisdom, and knowledge, that you didn't have before. That will help you to not be "hurt all the time." It's going to happen...so look forward to that too!

Answer 3

THIS GUY IS A TOTAL JACKASS. Don't let one bad experience ruin your faith in all guys! It'll be okay babe, it's so hard to tell between the real guys and the fake ones because they're all smooth talkers and we never know. The next guy you have feelings for, let him know that you don't want to be hurt again. Usually, if you want to find out the difference between a genuine guy and a fake one, you make him wait. You make him wait for I love you, sex, anything - all of it! Take baby steps, be friends, the more time you spend with him the more you'll know about him. Don't believe the words guys say because words don't mean two sh its, actions do. You are NOT an unlovable person, I know that just by reading your question. Everyone gets hurts sometimes and I know what that sick feeling in your stomach and your crying spouts feels like, it hurts. It will get better hunny and the pain will stop. Before you know it, the pain will lessen and lessen each day and you will notice that you've molded into someone stronger and smarter. You are loved! Best of luck,hun!

Answer 4

Hello, I do not believe that anyone is ugly, we are all beautiful. We are all just the way we are meant to be. The reason your hurting about this is because 1. you care what others think of you and 2. a part of you does not accept yourself. So what do you need to do?? First you need to accept yourself fully (I know you said to not say this... but it is true.) become your own best friend and start to look in the mirror and say to yourself everyday that you love yourself. This works after just a few days. The point of this is that when you eminate pure love for yourself you give off a 'better looking' vibe and your energy that others see will be amazing. Second, you need to become your own best friend and start to communicate to yourself that you don't care what others think. I teach this stuff all the time and I can tell you it is a 3 week task to not care what others think. Start to say every day that other peoples opinions do not shape me or touch me. Your own opinion of you is all that counts. Who are these people anyway???? Only random people who are immature idiots, now is that the kind of advice or say so that you want to be taking on board into your soul of who you are??? No I didn't think so. Love you you are, stop taking other peoples flawed opinions into your life. You can do this, we all want to be more this and that, thing is we are what we are unless we go under the knife!! Except that people are shallow and feel sorry for them, thats the best way to do it, feel for them that they are shallow and do not have the empathy and understanding that you have. Try the techniques in the video I have provided, you may well feel silly, but who cares, no-one is there to see you, but I PROMISE you do these right and you will GET RID of these feelings once and for all. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you find the strength to know how wonderful you regardless of what others see and say.

Answer 5

Allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
Stop don't tell your self that your unlovable and don't give up on all guys. It's normal to cry and feel hurt I'v been there and done that. The only way the pain can stop is if you get over this boy and put all of your feelings for him behind you, If he broke it off with you like that then he wasn;t a good friend in the firstplace. But don't doubt yourself.

Answer 6

I think you're perfectly normal KB. It just takes time to get past the hurt, be patient. Also, think about the past failed attempts, what went wrong? What warning signs did you see but ignore or miss? Another aspect you might want to think about is you. Do you completely throw 100% of yourself into these attempts? It probably is a good idea to consider holding back a bit, don't rush into anything and always be aware that people, by nature will have self preservation in mind and think of their own comfort rather than consider someone else first. It's not bad, just human nature.

Are you giving yourself time between relationships to heal? Or are you jumping into something too soon after? Lots of things to think of I know, but for your happiness, it's worth examining. Good luck.

Answer 7

Here's an exercize for you: Make 3 lists. In the first, list the things you absolutely have to have in a guy. attentive, a job, or whatever YOU need. In the second, list the things you can't stand. drinking, other girlfriends and such. In the other, put things that don't matter one way ot the other. weight, kids, college.
That was my list, by the way. Make one for yourself, what important to you. You don't have to show it to anyone, just watch the guy and see if he is what you're looking for. Don't sleep with anyone who doesn't work, because you cannot change people, you have to take them like they are.
Look at dating like you do school. It's a learning experience.
Don't give up, there are still some good ones out there, you just have to find the one that's good for you.

Answer 8

Girl, i went through the same problem, but what i did was just pray and just left guys alone for awhile. Just have some You time, take care of You and get Yourself together. Don't let a man bring you down and make you feel like your unlovable, there are plenty of men out there whose the rite one for you and will love you unconditional, but you have to take your time and don't rush anything. Everything will be fine girl. Don't cry. Hold your head up. Don't be all stressed out over that dude, 4get his ***. So just take care of you and F*ck them dudes. Good Luck Girl.

Answer 9

Breakups always hurt at first, but it goes away after some time. You ca speed that process up by jogging. Run. The excersize will make you feel better.
Keep in mind, people will always fail you one way or another. Their love for you can flexuate as well. Remember Gods love for you never fails. Stand on that rock foundation .... always.
Hope this helps. (we've all been there)

Answer 10

Words are only words. If a guy says something but his actions don't match then you need to beware. Like when he said he couldnt live without you, did he pay a lot of attention to you? Did he listen to you? was he concerned about you? Also you dont say your age but a guy who is still in high school and even college isnt ready to make the type of committment you thought he made. He might have meant it when he said it but then realized he wasnt ready. These are boys not men.