could we have infidelity agreements in our relationships?

Question

like every 3 years both partners be allowed to take a lover outside the relationship for one week or some version of that. Can the idea of marriage evolve or are we stuck with the old model ?

what is the value of JAILING our sexy beautiful selves into one lover for life and then be so smug, rightious and unforgiving and moral and inauthentic with each other about fidelity till death do us part?

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wow ..the inauthenticity is amazing!! Guys think about sex about 1000 times an hour ( and woman i don't know what you are thinkong) but every one is all about not having any dialogue whatsoever that explores another possibility!! Far out !!

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gosh - these people below should all marry each other! They seem to all be in the "yes dear" mind set !

Answer 1

Wow I'm pretty shocked at the responses here. I say Definately, that's a great idea. Unfortunately, life just isn't like these people above's ideal of it is. People are far more complicated and sex outside of marriage has nothing to do with how much you love your spouse. If two people are intelligent enough to realize this, work out their own complexities and be HONEST about them, this type of deal could not only work but perhaps save millions of marriages.
Commitment doesn't have to mean monogomy.

Answer 2

I can tell you must be a guy. We have an excess of sperm (we can come up with millions of them daily, several times a day).
But a woman can only make available 600 or less eggs in her lifetime. So, in terms of the law of supply & demand, sperms are cheap, while eggs are expensive. This is why men are so much into variety when it comes to sexual partners, and women are more into intimacy, faithfulness, committment, long-term relationships, etc.--as a rule. Part of her issue, is that it is alway a good thing if the sperm-donor is around nine months down the road to help out, when she needs to focus on providing for and protecting their offspring. [Keep in mind, birth control available to the masses, is a relatively new phenomenon.]
But attitudes & expectations of the two sexes are gradually changing...it is just that some things are deeply ingrained over eons of generations. However, it does help to explain why it is more often than not the GUY who comes up with this bright idea to go bed-hopping to whatever degree, with whatever rules about it.
Personally, I do not think it was meant to be, but I do not judge others for what works for them, as long as both parties are totally OK with it, and (usually the "she" in the equation) is not just going along with it to keep their partner happy, or so they do not go & do it behind their back!
So, what I think you are doing here, is just trying to get some people to co-sign what you already hope to do, and collect a few e-mails to wave around i your wife's face.

Lots of Luck...

Answer 3

well, if you have to ask, then maybe you don't have the right partner. or, maybe you need to bring more to the table - so that the old model isn't obsolete, but rather, becomes more valuable with age, such as a vintage wine, or a classic car. with the years that go by, i realize a need to elevate the standard, so that the need for a replacement model isn't necessary;(unless, or until, the partner is in his final repose, that is!) that's my ever so humble take on it.

Answer 4

What's the point of getting married then? Having or wanting an open relationship seems like a valid choice in itself. Isn't it a bit of a cop out to feel pressured into marriage if you don't really want to buy into all it comes with?

Answer 5

I think the agreement should be that if you want to even kiss someone else, you need to discuss it first.

Even a 3-way can lead to jealousy. Be careful what you wish for because if your partner says sure, your heart may not handle the consequences.

But, if there is an agreement and it is mutual and protection and emotional detachment is possible then perhaps.

What about the emotions of the fling?

Answer 6

i figure if you want to sleep with other people you chose the wrong person to marry, love is supposed to be about love,not making deals in regards to it,,you either have it or you dont,,you cant form a contract,,its not and never should be a business deal,,where is the romance,,where is the basis for commitment,,where is the faith in what you have and that what you have is what you want,,love IS blind,,it comes from something other than what terms one partner states they think is fair,,i dont think love can and should be modernized,how can it be,,the heart is something we cannot control,you give it so someone special and all you can hope is they give theirs to you,that is it,,that is all you get,if that is not enough,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Answer 7

If you're going to do that, then what's the point in getting married? Marriage is about monogamy and commitment to one person. If you want to have other lovers, then there is no reason to get married.

Answer 8

NO way! How can you've such a stupid rule? There shall be no infidelity or affairs getting involved once you're in a relationship! This is ridiculous!

Answer 9

I don't think I will marry someone who is going to cheat on me. And I don't thik I can marry someone I think I'm gonna cheat on.That might happen but I don't think I can ever forgive him or myself. When a person devotes his/her life to s.o. s/he loves, I don't infidelity should ever take place. I don't approve of the agreements you are talking about. When you love having sex wt another person is supposed to hurt not only your partner but also you yourself, not to make you happier

Answer 10

Whatever. What is the reason to get married in the first place if you still want to play around?