I am in a 4-yr relationship with my boyfriend and we have been living together for the last 2 years. However, I still see myself looking over singles' profiles in the Internet with the hope of seeing and meeting interesting people. My boyfriend caught me 'browsing' one time and I felt awfully bad because he was hurt wondering why I was still doing it. As I probed deeper today, I realized I may just be wanting to rekindle what it felt like to 'flirt' again and be excited in a relationship. My boyfriend and I are good and I think he's a wonderful man, but oftentimes I feel there is no longer any spark and we're just immersed in our own respective work. I know, too, that what I did was immature, but do my feelings justify my action? Am I a bad person? What can I do to keep myself from doing it again?
2006-11-11 03:05:39 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
One of the things we learn about relationships - to our dismay - is that the passion DOES wane. Yes, you still love your partner and you want to be with them, but the days of feeling that electricity in the air are, for the most part, over. You have to choose, then, what is more important to you - the excitement and discovery of being with a new person all the time, or the stability and true bonding of a long-term relationship.
It's something we've all had to deal with, and it's always just a little sad to realize that no, you can't have both...
2006-11-11 03:13:18 · answer #1 · answered by dingobluefoot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I wouldn't call it adultery since a) you're not married and b) you didn't do anything. However, the bible does say to think it is that same as doing it, so if you think you are in a committed relationship and you're looking at others, biblically speaking you did commit adultery.
I think that you put your finger on it however, you miss the freedom and thrill of being a flirt. You also have indicated that your relationship has settled down into routine and I thin you are getting bored. Perhaps marriage should not be in the cards and perhaps the two of you need to discuss your respective feelings about the relationship.
2006-11-11 03:10:57 · answer #2 · answered by William E 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No your not a bad person.....just a curious one.
It sounds like you are in the beginning stages of breaking away. You are comfortable with him after being together for 4 years, but at the same time you are getting curious of what maybe out there for you.
I think you two might want to separate for a little while so you can test the waters to see if that's what you want or if you two still really want to be together.
YOU SHOULD HAVE TOTAL CONTROL OF YOUR OWN ACTIONS :)
2006-11-11 03:14:45 · answer #3 · answered by LOVELY LADY 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmmm..... deep questions for us not being Medicaly trained in the physc. field... anyway...
make you bad..... no.... wrong... no, but I understand why it would hurt your boyfriends feelings. But guys do the same thing most everytime a beautiful girl walks by.. "hey...check her out." so..
Remember your still single... so that gives YOU a bit of freedom from those who are legally commited to a relationship... but still some still do the same thng...,
Flirting is FUN... and it gets those tingly feelings going.. :),
Was it immature even... and not to do it again..and are you a bad person... I can only compare to a situation where you mom walks into your room and catch's you Masterbating, you would get a stern lecture, don't do it again she would cry, and you see yourself as a bad person for falling for the craving.....
well, were human, not super human, so don't ever belittle yourself like that again, you sound like a very nice person.
No you are not a bad person.
If the topic comes up again with your b/f just explain you were just, "checking out the guys" as you like too "check out the girls as they walk by", play it down cause it really was no big deal...
his feelings and a bit of his trust may have been bruised.
and for spicing up your relationship... well, go away... make some time and get away together... sounds like you two need it...and oh yea... hump his brains out... guys like that.
2006-11-11 03:21:26 · answer #4 · answered by Maken trax 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ur not a bad person at all ... but what u did wasnt right .. if there is no desire for ur bf , then u guys should just part ur ways . and look for that person u have that spark with ... or maybe talking and telling how u feel or what u do or dont like may help ... dont start one thing unless u finish another .. i think u having self control and making a choice on what u want will help u to go or not to go on those sites ,, the choice is yours u just have to decide , if u do what youve always done youll get what youve always gotten ..
2006-11-11 03:11:50 · answer #5 · answered by txrkanawalls 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whether or not it's adultery is up to you because you actually haven't flirted with anyone, conversated with them, or touched them in anyway but think about it this way...would you be hurt if you found your boyfriend doing what you did? Always put yourself in the other person's shoes and if it feels wrong then it is.
I can totally understand wanting and missing that excited and flirty feeling but why not try doing it with your boyfriend. You can send him an email telling him that you were looking at his profile and am interested in getting to know him better but make sure you put something in there (like his name) so that he doesn't think that you mistakenly sent a sexy message to him instead of someone else. Spice up your relationship, ask each other what you want and try flirting with him and you might surprise yourself and get that excited feeling. I miss that feeling too at times, that feeling of the butterflies when you first kiss someone, etc. but I get that with my husband sometimes when we fool around like that. It's too much of a risk, at least for me, to flirt with someone for that excited feeling and risk losing my husband.
You can also try explaining it to him. That you love him and all that good stuff but you miss that first kiss feeling and can you guys try to relive that experience. Good luck to you!
2006-11-11 03:15:48 · answer #6 · answered by acehernandez2006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are obviously in a dull spot in your relationship. You need to put the time that are you using on the net into him. Talk to him..he may be feeling the same way. Start dating him again. Plan two special "date nites" a week. Go away on a spontaneous trip. Make him a candlelight dinner..bring the romance back.
2006-11-11 03:10:41 · answer #7 · answered by skybelle24 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
After being together for so long, sometimes people start to feel like they are stuck in a rut and that everything is so mundane. I don't think it makes you a bad person for feeling that way. Whenever I felt like I wanted to just feel what it was like to try something new, I always first remind myself as fun as it is to play the field its nothing compared to what its like to find that one person that you can trust and build something with.
2006-11-11 03:17:39 · answer #8 · answered by Chris D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ever try to start flirting with him on the phone? I'm sure the fire is still there, just fan the flames a bit. leave little love notes where he is sure to find them, give him your playful look while making an inuendo, use subtle inuendoes and gentle flirting in public places when together, (avoid the obviouse or grotesque ones like"you big stud!") he will start playing back soon enough.
2006-11-11 03:19:42 · answer #9 · answered by fullmoonwolf4real 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you "flirt" with your boyfriend instead? I mean , do something creative to spruce up your relationship. Candle lit dinner, dancing, and making love creatively. It does not mean just because you are together you forget to be romantic. Do this now before he will be the one browsing in the Internet. Then it would be too late but to regret.
2006-11-11 03:11:02 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋