ok i have another question?

Question

I have been getting advice from everyone within the past week on what to do. I think I finally got to the bottom of everything now i just need some help on making sense out of it. My b/f of 5 yrs has been lying and disappearing for about 3 weeks now, he used to be into drugs really bad and i gave him the ultimatium me or drugs and his loser friends, he choose me. Then for about 6 mos things were going good. Recently his friends came back into the pic slowly, and things started to get a little fishy. Last night i reached rock bottom and he told me that he screwed up and did coke last night. I asked him if this was the first time and he said yes. I kinda dont beleave him, cause of the past. My heart is telling work with him cause you love him but at the same time i am so physically and emotionally drained on all of this. He says he will make a change but how do i know that he wont go back and do it again. I really do love him but i am not sure if i can handle going through what i went th

tihrugh what i wwent through before it was very rough. Please give me some advice?? I do not want to act like his mother i want to be a g/f who gets some respect and where he does not take advantage of me cause he knows he can. I need to be very firm on my decision and ultimatium but i am not sure in theend if it would all worth it.

Answer 1

Ok- you may not like what I am going to tell you but this
relationship isn't really what you want because if it was, you wouldn't have all these doubts.

Sweetie, you need to value yourself, your life, and your time. You can't be this man's rescuer. After 5 years you've got to recognize that if you plan to live a fulfilling life, stop doing what doesn't work.

Answer 2

Your b/f has an addiction and he isnt just gonna stop over-night. Tell him to go into rehab and dont go near that stuff again.
He may be also influenced by his deadbeat friends, so he should stay well clear from them in the future.
I can see your hurting and i know your trying to help him but if he doesnt agree going into rehab then i suggest you pack your things and leave honey because im 100% sure you can find someone better and someone who is willing to give you the respect you deserve. Good Luck
p.s. You definitely should stick to your ultimatum girl.

Answer 3

Drug addicts are hard to deal with. He needs to get PROFESSIONAL help. The only way he can do that is to DO IT HIMSELF and want to DO IT HIMSELF. He will NEVER stop using just b/c you're asking him to. Leave him alone for a bit and let him get a feel of what it's like without you. Maybe he'll agree. OR have an intervention. Gather people up that really care about him and explain to him why you want him to get help and what WILL happen if he doesn't. You have to be strong. You can't let yourself go b/c he's letting himself go. Good luck!

Answer 4

It shouldn't have taken you so long to decide to leave him. That is the only choice I would choose. If you can't put 100% dependence and trust in your bf/spouse then drop them and find another. Think of the 5 years you have invested in this person a learning experience and don't make the same mistake again. It is sad that thru my observations with friends that people will make the same choices and mistakes in people over and over again. Be careful in your new relationships. Good luck. Chuck

Answer 5

I know that this is a difficult situation to go through but you've tried to be there for him and he's gone back to the drugs. Just like alcohol, trying to stay clean is an everyday thing and he's going to have to work on this for the REST OF HIS LIFE. You've tried to be there for him but I'm sorry to say, that's not enough. He has to reach rock bottom and WANT to get help, you cannot force him to get help. Only when someone wants to get help will they actually embrace it and want to stay clean. Maybe leaving him will be that first step into hitting rock bottom. Good luck to you!

Answer 6

I was in the situation...leave your going to drive yourself crazy look at the statistics 3 in 100 who have a cocaine or crack addiction will ever give it up for good, my advice tell him to clean his act up and later down the line if he does you will consider taking him back, I wasted 5 years on a relationship like this.....It's not worth it, you can not stand up to the drugs and he has to want to change you cant change him

Answer 7

Love will do wonders. If you really love him do your best to help him out. He needs help. Even if you don't love him anymore he's one of the person who's in need. After knowing him for 5 yrs I believe that you've known him inside out. It'll make things more easier for you to reach him. bring him to the doctor and try to find all kinds of methods to deal with his drugs problem. believe me, when he's better you wil start to look back to the past as something that made your love grown. it works for me. I was there before and it's one of the best moment of all.

Answer 8

How much krap are you willing to put up with? He's got a problelm and needs to deal with it. I went through this not long ago with a girlfriend (her b/f had a drug problem) and she'd given him too many chances also...but finally she realized he wasn't worth wasting her life over and she got rid of him.

Have some respect for yourself...no matter how much you dig him, he's not prepared to be a romantic partner for you or anyone else...until he gets and stays clean, there are going to be issues.

If it were me, he'd have used up all his chances long ago. You do what you feel you need to do...but remember if you keep taking him back and forgiving him, you have no one to blame but yourself when it happens again and you are upset and blue.

This life is too short to waste it on someone who is wasting theirs.

Answer 9

You're of the opinion he has a drug abuse problem to some degree and you admit that you love him in spite of it but you don't want that kind of life with him. So, my suggestion is that if he professess a love for you equal to yours for him then he should admit he has a problem, that some kind of professional help would improve things and be willing to seek that help in order to provide the relationship that you want to have together. If he's not devoted to you and your relationship together enough to do this then my advice would be to end this and move on.

Answer 10

sweetie, a drug addict will always be a drug addict.. he may not be actively using but he will always have urges. It can only get worse if he doesn't choose to leave it all behind and you shouldn't feel you owe it to him to stay with him and be brought down to that level. it wouldn't be selfish for you to move on 5 yrs is a long time but can you see yourself living with him like this for another 25? take care of yourself because you can't take care of him.