Is it inappropriate to go out right after having a baby?

Question

I was at a bar/restaurant with my husband and his brother in law and his wife (they were visiting so we took them out) and I had a baby 2 weeks earlier. I had been dying to fianlly have a drink after being pregnant and dealing with my toddler at the same time. I saw an old friend from high school there and I told her I had a baby 2 weeks ago and she said "well what are you doing here?!" I said well my baby is with her grandmother and we needed to get out. After I left I was getting more and more upset with her comment, i should have said something like "that's rude, what is that supposed to mean, I'm a bad mother?!" I wish so babdly I had said something, should I say something to her the next I see her? I shouldn't right, maybe she is just jealous because she is still single with no children.

Hey Nick, that's funny you say that, you're a guy, you don't even KNOW what it feels like to have a baby and to be pregnant. By the way, I pumped before I went out.

Has no one heard of pumping breastmilk!?? Just because I am away from my child a few hours does not mean I didn't prepare by pumping.

Answer 1

It was FINE!!! Who cares what the others think anyway??? You didn't leave the baby alone at home having the toddler babysit. Some people kill me. You aren't tied to your baby until a certain age. I went out 2 weeks after delivering #2. It was a wonderful break!!! Don't listen to what these other people say. They should get a life!!

Oh, and for the poster "nick" above me, I see you are a guy. Until you are pregnant for nine, 10 months, then go into labor, and then give birth, you really shouldn't have a thing to say. What do you know about Breastfeeding? Oh, wait, nothing.

Oh, and don't listen to the "breastfeeder" nazis. Perhaps some people CAN"T. (ever think of that nicky poo?) that is for medically, physically, etc, etc. Those people also need to pull theirs heads out of their as.....i mean sand.

Answer 2

I am from the northeast and it is considered the norm to stay home with your baby for at least a month with no one else besides the parents as caregivers and in some communities it is frowned upon if you leave your baby before it is 6 weeks old, no matter who the substitute caregiver is. When one of my aunts had her fifth child and paid me to watch her when the baby was only two weeks old, my extended family had a fit. It wasn't the fact that I was watching the baby, it was the fact that she left her baby in someone else's care at only two weeks old. I can easily understand this sentiment as I grew up with it and never experienced the need to get away from my baby until the baby was over two months old, and I have four children. I have always been the type of person that believed no one could do it as well as I could even if I told them how I did it, so it was a no brainer for me to stay home like that. Some women feel the need to get out and have a few drinks or whatever. I found the baby's evening nap (all they do is nap at that age, eh?lol) was a good time to sit and have a glass of wine with my husband and catch up on where he is and spend some extra time coddling and paying attention to him, which is something he appreciates more and more as there is less and less time in my busy kid filled schedule for us to get alone time together. We still do it, just after the kids go to bed, instead of a newborn's nap time. I totally understand the need to get out and feel socially accepted, needed, close to someone else, or whatever your social need is. Perhaps you should address your feelings of parental insecurity with your partner or a counselor. I know if someone asks me why I do not have my children with me I do not automatically assume thay are saying I am a bad mother, even if it is said in a tone that implies such, but I am pretty hardheaded too lol. Your obsession with the incident and your retaliatory feelings seem to imply that you do indeed feel guilty for leaving your baby that evening and are trying to put feelings that your friend may or may not have been feeling on her to make yourself feel better about your perceived (by you) shortcomings. Your friend could simply be under the impression that all new mothers stay home with their babies for at least a certain amount of time that is more than two weeks. If the incident really bothers you (which it obviously does) you should speak to your friend about why she made the comment if you are close. If not and you are willing to let the friendship go, then do exactly that. There is no need to cause more harsh feelings by bringing up the incident just to insult the person. Good Luck

Answer 3

Every mother needs a break- especially a new one. It is good for you, your baby, and your relationship with your husband for you to be able to have some time as an adult separate from your role as a mother. I won't say you should be out drinking and clubbing and doing drugs but you were at a family dinner for goodness sake! I think you are right and she is just jealous or uninformed that you don't have to be strapped to your baby 24-7. You obviously love your child and made very good arrangements for you to be able to have a couple hours out. Good for you. Don't let anyone guilt you or make you question yourself. You will be a more patient, better mother if you are able to stay connected to the outside world. No one wants to be alienated from life- especially not because you had a baby. I wouldn't even acknowledge her comment, she was probably trying to get to you and you don't want her to know it worked. Good luck with your new baby.

Answer 4

It was definitely rude of her! She has no children so she doesn't know what it is like to be pregnant for 9 months and then go through labor! You deserve a drink (If you aren't breastfeeding) and some time out with your husband and friends! Don't let anyone tell you different!! I wouldn't bring it up next time you see her, I am sure she is jealous because you have a wonderful husband and two beautiful children and that is why she made such a rude and inappropriate comment.

Answer 5

If she doesn't have any kids, she couldn't possibly understand why you would need to get out after being pregnant for 40 weeks, raising a toddler while feeling like napalm death on a stick, and dealing with the joys of postpartum for two weeks on TOP of handling two children. Let's not forget about the fact that you needed a break for one night from the sleepless nights, the probably messy house, and the jealously from your oldest child.

I went out a week after my son was born. I had one glass of wine, but Good LORD, I needed it. Not only would I say that going out shortly after having a baby is appropriate and well-deserved, but it's well-warranted, as well.

I made time to go out once every two weeks after my son was born... I had to make time to keep my sanity, and so do you.

If your friend was that judgemental, you shouldn't keep in contact with her. All it's going to do is make you feel guilty about what you should be doing to help you retain some sense of normalcy. Every mom needs time to herself. Don't feel bad about taking it.

Answer 6

I'm guessing your not breast feeding and yup in my book if there is no medical reason not to breast feed i think that makes some one a bad mother. breast milk is the standard not the better thing you can do for your baby if you got the time. i don't buy all these excuses from people about oh its just personal choice. if you cant give your kid the best then don't have any. so get over it if your going to do things like this people are going to judge you. and just because she doesnt have children doesnt mean shes jelouse, some women dont want them because they seem them as a responsability and know if they had them they would nto be able to do the things they want...with out being an irisponsible parent, which it sounds like you can be.

Answer 7

Childless people are the last people you should take advise from. If you are comfortable with leaving your baby with her grandmother than do it and do not feel guilty about it one bit. She is your baby and every mother needs a break. You are not a bad mother at all. I personally think taking a break from our kids help us become better parents. Breaks keep us less frustrated and happier. Congrats on your new little one.

Answer 8

Some people seem to think that mothers have to be locked up in their homes just because they have a baby. People without kids would not understand. I would not take it as an insult, she probably thought you would be at home sleeping or nursing or something.

You should go out and have a good time, it helps with sanity!

Answer 9

Who knows what she meant? 1. What are you doing here? How do you have the strength after having a baby! 2. What are you doing here? I thought married women didn't need to bar hop! 3.What are you doing here? Won't the alcohol ruin the breast milk! 4. What are you doing here? Can't you find a better place to enjoy yourself! 5. what are you doing here? You are a BAD mother!
hey, hon. who cares? you certainly shouldn't!

Answer 10

Ok-
if I were you, I probably would've done the same. 9 months of being unable to drink, do anything fun, etc. And now that the baby is here, it's even harder.
You can leave the baby every once in a while, just don't do it for more than an hour or so. The baby has toi be fed, and you gotta be careful with them. And smart you left him/her with grandma.
Your not a bad mom

And congrats on your new baby