any suggestions... I have to go to a funeral today...?

Question

I feel very nervous and anxious about going to a uncles funeral today. I lost my only sister and father a few years back and every time I have to go to a funeral, it makes me very uncomfortable. I also have generalized anxiety and panic attacks and I always worry that I will feel that way going there or during the ceremony. I hate funerals...I know that most people feel this way...any suggestions or help

Answer 1

Try to relax...think about why you are anxious. What causes you to feel that way? Is it the grief over the person who passed? Is it being around other grieving people? Do you fear death and being around the dead causes you to be anxious?

Sit towards the back of the room during the funeral...if the ceremony bothers you, then run memories in your head of good times with the person who passed...think of fun and happy times you shared with them...

If you don't care to socialize much, then don't...if you don't care to view the body, then don't...if you are feeling quite anxious, then leave at the earliest time you feel it wouldn't be inappropriate...

Remember, funerals are for the living, not the dead (they don't know what's going on)...if there is someone there you feel you need or want to console or express your sympathy to, then do that...otherwise, don't feel obligated to stay through the whole thing (exp if they do an indoor service and something at the graveside)...

Do what you are comfortable with and let your family members who were closest to the uncle know you are there for them if they need you...that's what really matters anyway.

Answer 2

I am so sorry for your loss! Death of a loved one can be extremely taxing on the nerves and can cause many things to happen that are not always good.

Were you close to your uncle? If the answer is "no" then who is making you go to the funeral home? If the answer is "yes" then what you do is don't worry about how you will feel when you go in there. Just go in, pay your respects and leave. If you must go in with family members, then after you pay your respects, then go to your family members vehicle and wait until they come back to the car or truck you came in.

Panic attacks and anxiety is a common occurance with people when a loved one or friend passes away. Not everyone is okay with the fact of going into a funeral home. It is both unpleasant and uncomfortable feeling not to mention depressing as well.

My suggestion to you is, if you feel that uncomfortable about going in the funeral home, then don't go at all if you can avoid it. Remember your uncle as he was when he was alive, and remember the good times you and he had shared (if any).

No matter what people may tell you, it is not disrespectful of you to not pay your last respects to him or anyone who passes away. I am sure your uncle understands.

Good luck and I hope I was some what helpful.

Answer 3

Sorry to hear about your Uncle and as well you Sister and Dad. I can understand why you would not like to go.

If you have any time you could slip in to see your doctor who would be able to help with your anxiety and panic attacks. I get that too. He gave me some pills I take for situations like that and it calms me down.

So if you cant do that I guess I would just say try to make sure that you remain breathing easliy. Its ok to cry and let it all out, you have been through alot. If your family is anything like mine they all tried to remain pretty composed at my grandpas funeral, but I cried really bad and I dont care because we all need to release our feelings.

Is there a family member that you could talk to about this? Perhaps there is someone feeling the same way that you can relate to.

Anyways, good luck and all. I hope things are better for you very soon.

Answer 4

I don't think anyone in their right mind loves funerals. I'm sorry for your loss, I have lost many relatives and if I never go to another funeral again I will count myself very blessed. But, that isn't reality. We all must die, it is a part of life.

Maybe if you understand that your uncle is in another place now that is something we can't even begin to fully imagine, that may help. He is there with our sister and your father, enjoying a wonderful place. You will see all of them again, this is not the end by any means. Have some peace knowing that.

Do some slow deep breathing, relax, go there thinking this is a celebration for your uncles life, which it is. While you are sitting there, think of all the things you loved about your uncle, the fun times, how he influenced your life, whatever it is, relive those good times.

When I remember my lost loved ones, I think of how funny they were, and talented. I was so fortunate to have them in my life. Just like I am sure you feel that about your uncle. Go there to honor his memory. Speak to him in your mind while you are there, telling him what you feel. I am sure you will leave feeling much better for it. Take care.

Answer 5

since you suffer from panic attacks to you have any xanax, you could take a half of one before you leave for the funeral to help ease some of the tension. If not make sure you are not alone today half someone there to help you through and if during the ceremony you start to feel to hot or start to panic clse your eyes and try small deep breathes untill the symptom eases some and hold on to the persons hand that is with you in your time of need. sorry for your family, hope you get through this hard time today.

Answer 6

funerals are for the living ; to remember the dead and console the living. Don't go, tell ur relatives why and maybe say some prayers for ur uncle, send cards and flowers to the family. Let them know ur there in spirit but can't be there in person. I'm sure u will be missed but the funeral will go on without u.

Answer 7

Look on the whole thing as a TV drama. You are an observer and not a participant. There is always humour in funerals, try to look for this, but try not to appear amused at an inappropriate moment. Grief and humour are closer than you think.

Answer 8

Just go and do your best. I cant imagine theres too many people out there that enjoy funerals. It never gets any easier, but you're gonna have to deal with funerals all your life. People dont stop dying.

Answer 9

true faith Pray and ask God to help you through if i hadnt prayed all day i dont think i could have made it through my moms death and ceremonies ask god for strenght then go and make it your business to help your aunt and cousins in any way posible i find working the kitchen or helping older folks helps my anxiety im borderline personality disorder and i found a lot of help at EA emotions anonymous they have meetings and books online the info is there

Answer 10

you dont have to go. if u wanna go take a friend or something