Why is there an emphasis placed on the so-called problem of single mothers yet no mention of absent fathers?

Question

There are multiple reasons why a person may be a single parent (male or female) yet politicians/commentators/media etc all perpetuate the story that single mothers are the cause of many societal problems (yet as some studies suggest it may be the accompanying phenomena such as low income which can lead to the detrimental behaviour in question not always the single parent household itself..) such as delinquency.

As a single parent it irks me no end that as a good, responsible mother the notion is forwarded that somehow my family is disfunctional because there is no male in it.

FTR like most single parents, single parenthood is not a choice in so far as if the option of having a loving, supportive partner was available ofcourse that would be preferable.

Yet raising a child alone, whilst being rewarding is very challenging and so to face this additional prejudice is unfair in many cases.

At the same time, absent fathers never make the headlines even when abandon their children

Yet a single mother cannot by definition exist if it were not for absent fathers..

Answer 1

I understand completely what you are saying. Its just that I come from the opposite end of the spectrum. I am single father with custody of my sons and the mother is absent. I have always been very much invloved with my children since they were born. I have always been the primary parent. Thier mother was always "too busy". Which was one of the main reasons, but not the only, I ended up having to divorce her. She was even too busy to show up for court. I do understand what you are saying because I have encountered some... "attitude"... from other women because I am a single father with full custody. Its not like they actually come out and say anything but you can sense it or feel it. Its like "no way"or "those poor children". Even the student handbook from the school they attend considers my home to be broken just because I am a single parent and that is discrimination. I dont let it get to me though. I live in a small town here and most folks are supportive and understanding. My home and lifestyle now is so much better then it ever was when I was married. My children are happy, they get very good grades, and have very good apperances like good clothing, clean, nice haircuts and etc.. My home is far from being broken. Oh ya the absent mother pays child support of $67 per month for 2 children. Thats a totall of $67 per month. Yes it is better than nothing and it helps. I had to turn her into the child support enforcement division in my state to get anything though. My children get along fine without her and the ***** can leave the planet as far as I'm concerned. I have to agree with what Madonna says. In some cases single parents are better because there is no woman to worry about. Shortly after I divorced the absent mother she went on to get herself infected with hepetitus C. Served time in prison for a felony conviction and is out now out on parole. Strange how something that started out as seemingly so good and right, qiuckly turned sour and bad because the absent mother had very misplaced priorities. Yes the warning signs were there but at the time I was too blind or stupid to see it. Now its so very obvious to me. Live and learn I guess. I could go on and on. The point being is that mothers can be absent to not just fathers. And from what I undestand absent mothers seem to be a growing trend in America. Being a single parent does have its challenges and keeps one busy. Life now however could not be better compared to when I was married especialy the last year of my marriage. It seems though that my lifes experiences have actually prepared me for single parenthood. Twenty years ago if someone told me that I would be a single parent, I would have thought them totally insane. But in any case good luck to you and all single parents wether they be a mom or dad.

Answer 2

Admittedly, I haven't been listening to this debate with your perspective, but who's been blaming the single mother for single parent homes? Most of the complaints I have heard deal with the situation as a whole.

It sounds like you're admitting being a single parent is tougher and can result in greater financial difficulties, but you don't want anyone else to notice this problem? Everybody else is just supposed to say being a single parent is fabulous with no problems?

And, I hear a lot more criticism heaped on absent fathers for leaving than I do for the mothers who stay behind. Every time you turn around, states are passing new legislation trying to force fathers to own up to their responsibilities. Though the problem isn't near to being fixed, I don't think most people let the absent father off the hook.

Answer 3

I personally feel its a sexist thing because men generally have a better reputation no matter what they do if they sleep around their considered 'one of the boys & a player' if a woman sleep's about she's a 's!ut or wh0r£' and this thing also carry's on into social sterotype's like the single parent.
As a single parent myself im disgusted with the attitued of some people even so of the goverments lack of help and branding of single parents alike. I do feel absent fathers should be penilised for walking away from their family's. And the emphasis put on them! maybe if that was the case we would have a better family structure and the number of single parents might fall. Its also because most members of goverment are male. Say no more. Its a man's world. :o)

Answer 4

Good point and one that should be addressed by society but undoubtedly won't ever be. Personally I believe that the emphasis is on single mothers as opposed to absent fathers because this country is run by men. Newspapers are owned by men. Poiticians are men in the majority. It is then easier to point the finger of blame at women. I didn't choose to be a single parent either but my kid's dad made a decision to be an absent father. We (myself and the kids) become a statistic, he goes off and starts family number two.
It isn't fair but until the balance is shifted, it will always be an assumption that people blindly make. Single parents are considered to be the scourge of society. Yet we do a great job and are coping alone in a prejudiced society in which our needs are largely invisible.

Answer 5

If your child's father is in the military, you shouldn't have to deal with a "deadbeat". When my husband was in the army, all the ex wife/child's mother had to do was call the CO and the CO saw to it that his soldier paid the court ordered child support. Usually the army encourages automatic payments because the soldiers get deployed so much and may not be able to make payments on time. Why don't you call the base he is stationed at and ask for help there?

Answer 6

The sodding government in this country don't live in the real world i know lots of single parents who bring up thier kids decent and honest without ever having serious problems...as you say low incomes are probably more likley to cause social problems..maybe if the government made employers pay us all decent wages then we could all live a decent life...

Answer 7

amen sister!

My daughter's father took off, never ever payed child support.
So is he the good guy here? I think not. It takes two to play.
My daughter is fine without him. I know people who have the problem of the father not showing up or paying child support. I don't have to deal with any of that. I am not low income-my daughter gets straight A's, is involved in sports,etc.
I know plenty of two parent households whose children are so messed up, misbehave, get in trouble at school, etc.
It is HOW you raise your child-two parents or one-and what you instill in them.

Answer 8

Too true. People just want to attack others for their lifestyles without first knowing everything about how a person got to that particular point in their life...
...when will we become less judgemental and embrace the fact that everyone is different?

Answer 9

What about absent mothers that happens too,I know cause I have six daughters and they dont realy know thier mother

Answer 10

in some cases single parents are better,cos they dont have a man to look after.