Two Irishmen in London whilst looking for work were strolling down Oxford Street. After walking for a few minutes, Paddy turns to Murphy with a look of amazement on his face and says: "Murphy, will you have a look at that shop over there, I thought that London was supposed to be expensive but that shop is as cheap as chips!"
Murphy says: "Paddy you're right so you are, will you have a look at that. Suits £10.00, Shirts £4.00, Trousers £5.00, I think that we should buy the lot and take them back to Ireland. We would make a tidy profit selling them in Dublin so we would."
Paddy says in agreement: "Murphy that is as good an idea as you'll ever have, but I'm pretty sure that you have to pay Taxes and duty on things like that. The shopkeeper will never let us have them if he thinks we're gonna export them and make our fortune, so he won't."
Murphy thinks and says: "Paddy, I've got idea! You can do the best English accent out of the pair of us. You go in there and do the talking and I'll just stand behind you and say nothing. He'll never guess we're Irish. No he won't."
"OK Murphy", agrees Paddy, "I'll do the talking, you just stand there and look English." So the two visitors to the illustrious capital city go into the shop, where Paddy is greeted politely by the owner. Paddy then Proceeds to do his best>Warren Mitchell impression; "Awwwight Guvnor, I'll 'ave 20 of yer 'Whistle 'un Flutes', 20 'Dickie Dirts' and 20 pairs of strides. And if yer don't mind I'll be paying with the 380 'Pictures of the Queen' in my 'Sky Rocket'."
Upon hearing this request from Paddy, the owner smiles, takes a look at Murphy as well, then says to Paddy "You're Irish aren't you?"
Quite bemused, Paddy replies, "Oh be' Jesus. Mary mother of Christ, if that ain't me best English accent ? How in God's name did you know that we were Irish?"
The Owner replies "This is a Dry Cleaners".
2006-11-11 01:26:55 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, he started to leave.
"S'cuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. "What was that all about?"
"Nothing," he replied, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."
Jimy-Joe went to a pet shop and asked how many budgies were in stock. "We have 99" replied the shop owner "Give us the lot" said the Jimmy-Joe, paid for them and left. He went to a tailors shop and had 99 pockets sewn into a jacket, put a budgie in each pocket, went up to the Post Office Tower and jumped off.
He hit the ground with an almighty smack and lay there groaning until a passer-by came and asked him what had happened. "I don't know sur" he replied "but that's the last time I try that budgie jumping"
Mick and Paddy were walking home after a night on the beer when a severed head rolled along the ground.
Mick picked it up to his face and said to Paddy "Jez, that look like Sean" to which Paddy replied "No Sean was taller than that"
Jimmy-Joe finds a Genie lamp and rubs it. Out comes the Genie and asks "Master you have released me from the lamp and I grant you three wishes, what would you like"
Jimmy-Joe scratches his head, then answers "A bottle of Guinness that never gets empty. "Granted master" retorted the Genie and produced the bottle. Jimmy-Joe was delighted and got drunk on this one magic Guiness bottle for weeks then he remembered that he had two other wishes. He rubbed the lamp again and the Genie appeared. "Yes master, you have two more wishes, what would you like?" "You know that magic, never ending Guinness bottle" he asks the Genies. "Well, for my final two wishes, I'd like another two of them"
As soon as she had finished parochial school, a bright young girl named Lena shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to New York where before long, she became a successful performer in show business.
Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a Saturday night went to confession in the church which she had always attended as a child. In the confessional Father Sullivan recognized her and began asking her about her work. She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, and he wanted to know what that meant.
She said she would be happy to show him the kind of thing she did on stage.
She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, handsprings and backflips. Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-aged ladies. They witnessed Lena's acrobatics with wide eyes, and one said to the other:
"Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin' out this night, and me without me bloomers on!"
2006-11-11 02:14:37 · answer #1 · answered by JohnRingold 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LMAO Thanx for the laugh
=kizzy=
2006-11-11 03:44:11 · answer #2 · answered by Kizzy_ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Brilliant - an original irish joke.
Well done!
2006-11-11 02:15:34 · answer #3 · answered by Phlodgeybodge 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1
2017-02-17 18:37:30 · answer #4 · answered by RobertS 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats good but it drags on for a bit for an alright ending got any more
2006-11-11 01:34:38 · answer #5 · answered by caddy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cute!
2016-05-22 04:59:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's funny and very rare. haven't heard it b4. 4 thumbs up.
2006-11-11 01:48:58 · answer #7 · answered by faz_94 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is an absolute cracker, will need to change my pants now LOL LOL LOL LOL etc!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-11-11 01:34:08 · answer #8 · answered by Shredder 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hehe - rare I hadn't heard that one before
2006-11-11 01:32:48 · answer #9 · answered by Cynical_Si 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, lol, that's one I haven't heard before...lol...lol.....
Thankyou!
2006-11-11 01:49:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋